Pain & Love
by veiledndarkness
Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you. Warning: Slash
1. Chapter 1

Title: Pain & Love

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems. It is quite long and it's taken me a long time to get it to the point where I feel comfortable posting it. There is violence in this.

Pairing: Bobby/Jack

Final Warning: There is one section of somewhat descriptive slash between the two in the beginning of the story. There is descriptive violence in some scenes.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack closed the bathroom door as silently as he could, his hands still shaking terribly. He slid down the wall to sit with his back to the door as he covered his face with his hands. His thin shoulders shook with muffled sobs as he cried, the tears pouring down. His stomach clenched suddenly and the urge to throw up was incredibly strong. He crawled over to the toilet and retched for what seemed like hours. Stomach finally empty, he sat back weakly, wiping at his mouth with a trembling hand. He laid his head on the cool tiles and winced as he felt his skin flare with renewed pain. He raised one hand and tentatively checked his face. He let out a soft sigh. Nothing broken this time. Jack curled up into a ball, and wept into the floor. "How could it have come this far?" he whispered into his chest.

Then

Jack was the first person to see Bobby's apartment, something that had thrilled him secretly. Bobby had been so proud, insisting on giving Jack the 'grand tour' as he called it, though the apartment was somewhat small. Jack laughed when Bobby carried him over the threshold, fireman style. He pounded Bobby's back lightly and yelled to be let down. Bobby dropped Jack on the bare mattress and they kissed until they were both breathless. Their kisses grew more heated until they heard a discreet cough at the doorway. Jack had gone bright red when he realized that Evelyn was standing in the doorway, an amused grin and somehow sad look on her face. She'd given them a once over and announced that everyone had arrived.

Bobby helped Jack to his feet and they had rushed out of the room. During dinner, while it seemed that everyone was talking all at once, Jack had sat in silence and observed the room and the people in it. He'd taken in the proud look on Bobby's face and had felt a wave of happiness roll through him. He knew how long Bobby had waited before he'd saved enough to move out of the house, and now that he was playing with the league full time, he could finally afford to have a place of his own.

Now Bobby was insisting that Jack move in with him. Jack felt prized, almost special when Bobby had informed him that there was no 'thinkin' about it' that he was going to move with Bobby. He loved the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when Bobby would go all possessive. How his eyes would get darker and how he would kiss Jack hard, harder than normal until he would agree to whatever Bobby wanted.

Jack made for the small balcony while Angel and Jerry started assembling some of the shelving units. He lit up a cigarette and leaned back against the wall, breathing in the late summer night air. He could hear the women talking and laughing every few minutes in the kitchen. He paused mid-drag when he faintly heard the sound of arguing. Not the general bickering between Jerry and Angel who had quickly become frustrated with the instruction booklets, but the sound of two people truly mad with each other. He strained his ears, trying to catch what was being said. It almost sounded like it was coming from the bedroom window. Jack moved towards the edge of the balcony and pushed himself flat against the wall. The muffled voices were a bit clearer now and he listened while holding his breath.

"-don't really think that this is such a good idea" he heard Evelyn say.

What the hell? He heard Bobby sigh.

"There's nothing wrong with this, I told you already what was gonna happen and now it is happening. Why can't you be happy for me Ma?"

"I am happy for you, happy that you're playing, happy that you have a place of your own, but happy because you want him all for yourself? No, I won't stand by and watch you control him too."

Jack's eyebrows shot up in surprise. What on earth was she saying?

Bobby gave a frustrated growl. Jack could picture exactly how Bobby looked right now, skin flushed, eyes bright, pacing in frustrated circles. His insides twisted painfully as he tried to hear what the argument was about.

"I control him? Is that you think? Oh that's fuckin' rich Ma" he said, each word dripping with bitter anger.

"Don't you use that language with me Bobby Mercer! You may be a grown man, but you are still my son, and you won't talk to me like that" she shot back, her voice firm, yet sad.

"You tell him what to do, and he does it. Do you really think I don't know what you're capable of? Your anger Bobby, that will be your downfall. You must learn to control it" she said.

With that, Jack heard the bedroom door slam as Bobby stormed out of the apartment. He leaned back against the brick wall with weak knees. How he hated arguments! They always made him feel sick. He remembered far too many nights of being the center of an argument between foster parents, one wanting to 'keep' him, the other wanting him gone as fast as possible. More often than not, it was the women who wanted him gone; they all saw the way their men looked at Jack. A boy far too pretty for his own good, a boy who always responded to authoritative figures. It was that main reason that he'd been bounced through so many homes in so few years.

He looked down just as the ash dropped off his forgotten cigarette. He let it slip from his fingers to the cement and ground it out as he lost himself in his memories. The years of a different home every month, the case workers who shook their heads in despair over ever finding him a permanent home, being kicked out time after time, the months in detention centers when no home was available. The beatings, the abuse, the complete denial of food for days on end, the nights that dragged on while hands touched him. It had taken him years before he felt comfortable being touched on a regular basis. And even now, he still woke up screaming and pleading for someone to save him several times a week. 'Ma's wrong, Bobby keeps me safe' Jack thought stubbornly as he mashed the remains of the cig into the ground.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack stared at his face in the mirror. He swore mentally when he saw the size of the bruise on his cheek. "Fuck!" he said softly. He prayed that it wouldn't spread high enough to look like a black eye. The blow had been far too close to his cheekbone this time. Any closer and it might have broken. He grimaced at the idea of going to the emergency room again and trying to explain how he managed to injure himself this time. He was tired of the pitying looks on the nurses' faces and the stern yet sympathetic doctors who advised him to just leave whoever was hurting him. Jack would stare at the floor and refuse to answer any questions. Eventually they all got tired of him and would send him out the door with a painkiller prescription.

He gave a grim smile as he gently stretched his arms over his head; at least the meds let him feel nothing. He could just float and not worry. Jack washed his face very carefully; he'd take a shower once Bobby left for practice. He cracked open the bathroom door slowly, checking to see if Bobby was up yet. He could hear him lightly snoring in the bedroom. He gave a near silent sigh of relief at the sound of the soft snores. He slipped into the bedroom and carefully moved the basket of laundry out to the living room.

Jack sat down on the couch slowly, as his ass was still sore from earlier. Bobby always took him harder when they had a fight. He cringed as he felt the small stings of pain in his legs from being held in position for so long. Only 19 and he already felt like an old man. He sorted the clothes, separating the socks and underwear from the towels and the pants from the shirts. Jack found the routine comforting. He held one of Bobby's shirts to his nose and inhaled lovingly. He could never get enough of the way Bobby smelled. He pondered this while he scooped up the clothes and arranged them neatly in the large basket. He let his mind wander as he closed the apartment door behind him and headed for the laundry room downstairs.

'Why do I let him do this?' he thought absently while waiting for the elevator.

He knew that nobody deserved to be treated like shit, Evelyn had made sure he understood that. But he knew Bobby loved him, hell he told him so every day. He brought Jack small gifts for no real reason, always had plenty of praise for the dinners he'd make and held him close whenever the nightmares came. And then all of the sudden, something inside Bobby would just snap and he would lash out at Jack, hitting him most of the time. Jack never knew what would set Bobby off.

All he knew was that one moment, they were joking around, the next Bobby had flipped the table over and had Jack pinned up against the wall screaming at him. In those moments he was frightened to death of Bobby. Yet he found himself unable to just walk away. He'd have given anything to make Bobby happy all the time. Given anything to make Bobby stop hurting him.

Jack headed back upstairs. A quick peak at the clock told him that he only had half an hour until Bobby's alarm would go off. He straightened up the living room before moving to the kitchen to warm up the frying pan. Bobby always ate as soon as he got up. Jack moved about the kitchen with ease. Evelyn had seen to it that Jack knew how to create simple meals as soon as he had shown interest in the foods that she prepared. He flipped the eggs expertly as the bacon sizzled. He'd turned the coffee maker on as soon as he'd entered the kitchen. Now it burbled and sent out its aroma. Jack knew that at any moment Bobby would come staggering into the kitchen, eyes half closed, searching blindly for a mug. He practiced his smile as he transferred the eggs onto the plate.

Bobby stumbled in a few minutes later, scratching idly at his neck and yawning loudly. Jack gave a quick silent prayer and then turned to face him. "Morning, Bobby. Coffee?"

The same thing he said every morning. Bobby grunted and nodded as he took the mug from Jack. He sat down at the small kitchen table and sipped at his black coffee, his hair sticking up every which way. Jack hid his grin as he brought the plates over. Bobby was known for having the worst bed head, despite the fact that Jack had longer hair. He sat down carefully on the wooden chair, tucking one knee close to his chest. He played with his fork, toying with his eggs while he waited to see what, if anything, Bobby had to say.

After Bobby finished his coffee, he glanced over at Jack and sighed aloud. "You gonna play with your food or eat it Jack?"

Jack jumped as though goosed and caught the irritated look on Bobby's face. "Oh...right" he said into his knee.

He scooped up some of his eggs and forced himself to swallow. He could feel them slide down his throat and he gagged lightly. He gave Bobby a sheepish grin and muttered 'sorry'. Bobby nodded then started on his own breakfast. Jack watched him out of the corner of his eye while he slowly ate small bits off his plate. He really didn't like to eat in the morning, but Bobby had always insisted that he eat with him. Jack remembered the first fight they'd had over something he considered trivial.

Then

"So let me get this straight. You don't 'do' breakfast, right?" Bobby said, his eyebrows raised as high as they would go. Jack shook his head.

"I'm not really a morning person Bobby. Don't worry, I'll still make you something" he said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

He didn't understand what the big deal was. He'd never eaten much before ten, even when he lived with Ma. She knew that, and never pushed him to eat before he was ready to. He bent over to get the frying pan from the cabinet when he saw Bobby's shadow loom over him in the doorway. He stood up and turned to face him.

"So what did you want for...?" Jack's head rocked back as he felt his cheek blossom with pain. He immediately brought his hand to his cheek, his eyes wide with surprise.

"What the fuck!" he yelled. Bobby stared at him with level glare.

"It's awful rude to walk away when someone's talkin' to you Jackie" he said, his voice soft and even.

Jack shook his head slowly, his eyes brimming with tears. He tried to back up, only to find himself trapped against the counter. Trapped between Bobby and the wall.

"And for that you hit me?" he said finally, his voice shaky, the pain fading even now as the red mark spread. Bobby nodded, and then took a step forward. He placed one hand on either side of Jack's waist. Jack watched him with fearful eyes.

"You needed to know, and now you do. Things are a bit different here Jack. You need to understand that if you're gonna live with me, in my home no less, then you're gonna do things my way. You don't like it? Then don't let the door hit your ass on the way out."

Jack hung his head in shame. He knew how volatile Bobby could be and he'd still questioned him. He let a few tears slip down his cheeks. Bobby placed one finger underneath his chin and lifted his head.

"Listen sweetheart, I know you're sorry. Just don't let it happen again ok? I don't want to have to hit you. I love you too much to let you leave, so don't force me to hurt you."

When Jack said nothing; Bobby pulled him close and gripped him a tight hug. Jack found his arms encircling Bobby and he leaned his head on his shoulder. He felt numb on the inside. After Bobby had left for practice that day, Jack had sat on the floor beside the wall and cried silently. He wept for the shame of upsetting Bobby, he wept for the fact that once again, he'd managed to fuck something up, and more so for the fact that a small part of him just couldn't believe that Bobby would hurt him. He lowered his head to his knees and sobbed harder.

"Bobby's supposed to protect me" he muttered over and over.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack watched Bobby sit back in his chair with a small grin. "Delicious as always Jack" he said.

He motioned for Jack to come over. Jack unfolded his legs from the chair and walked somewhat hesitantly over to Bobby. He sat awkwardly on Bobby's lap, his hands scrambling for leverage. Bobby hugged him close and pressed his face to Jack's chest. They sat in silence. Bobby leaned back and pulled Jack close to him, cuddling him almost like a baby.

"Ma called me yesterday evening. She said that she wanted us to come over on Saturday for dinner" Bobby said while stroking Jack's hair, sifting through the strands one at a time.

Jack smiled contently. These were the moments that he treasured most. The times when Bobby held him close, when he could feel the love that Bobby had for him.

Jack nodded absently as he snuggled further against Bobby. He fought the urge to purr as Bobby's fingers massaged his scalp. He felt like putty now in his arms.

"She wants us there at 6pm," Bobby added. His fingers stopped suddenly as he made to stand up. Jack stood up as well and started to clear the dishes while Bobby headed to the shower.

Jack rinsed the plates, going through the motions without really thinking. Dinner at Ma's. He frowned as he scraped a stuck on blob of ketchup. That meant he had three days to try and make his most recent bruise less noticeable. He could only pray that Ma wouldn't notice. She would for sure ask questions. Questions that he wasn't ready to answer.

Jack ran downstairs quickly to switch the laundry over to the dryer. He made it back upstairs just in time for Bobby to come out of the shower. He hurried to the room to wait for Bobby. He breathed slowly and shallowly as he waited, his heart racing. Bobby came in a moment later. He finished toweling off and smiled at Jack as he grabbed a pair of socks from the dresser. He started to pull on his shorts then when he seemed to suddenly change his mind. He turned to face Jack and moved closer to him. Jack let his eyes drift shut as he breathed in the smell of soap, and the smell that always lingered on Bobby. He felt Bobby gently push him backwards on the bed.

"Keep your eyes closed Jack," Bobby whispered in his ear. He shivered at the feeling of a tongue lightly tracing over the shell of his ear. Jack obediently kept his eyes closed as he felt goose bumps erupt all over when Bobby's tongue traced a pattern over his sensitive throat. He moaned softly when he felt rough fingers pull his t-shirt up and over his head, his skin exposed to the slightly chilly air. His nipples hardened as he was kissed hard on the mouth, hands roaming over his chest. He arched into Bobby's touch, craving every caress. Bobby flicked his tongue over one nipple then the other.

Jack gasped; his skin was burning under his touch. Bobby pulled his sleep pants off slowly, minutes that seemed to stretch on. He gently griped Jack and gave him several firm strokes. Jack panted as he felt the tip of Bobby's tongue flick against the head.

"God Bobby, please" he groaned out softly as he felt cool air blow on the wet, overheated skin. Bobby chuckled as he kept his hand moving while he came up to nibble on Jack's neck. Jack gave a strangled sob as he came, his hips pumping helplessly as he rode out his orgasm. He fell back limply on the bed, utterly spent. Bobby smiled possessively as he watched Jack's eyes flutter in his head. He wiped his hand on his towel and kissed Jack softly. He stood up and began to dress as if nothing had happened.

Jack rolled onto his side and watched Bobby pull his clothes on. He felt so relaxed now, nothing like he had a mere few hours before when he'd spent the better part of the night on the bathroom floor. 'If only things could be like this all the time' he thought with a sad smile. He got off the bed with a groan and began to stretch, one limb at a time. Bobby turned around to face him then. Jack grinned at him and impulsively gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. They leaned in close and brought their foreheads together. Bobby looked Jack in the eye and placed a small kiss on his lips. He left the bedroom abruptly. Right as he got to the doorway of the room he called out.

"Jack?"

Jack started towards the doorframe, arms crossed lightly over his chest.

"Yeah?"

Bobby picked up his bag, and fumbled for his keys.

"Do something with your face huh?" He left then, letting the door close loudly as Jack stood slightly stunned, still in the doorway as he watched Bobby leave. He brought his hand up to his cheek, fingering the bruise that marred his face. Determinedly ignoring his tears, he began to make the bed, starting another day all over again.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack fidgeted nervously with the edge of his belt buckle as he paced the length of the living room. Bobby was due home any minute. He felt a nervous sweat break out on his palms at the sound of the key in the lock.

'Fuck!' he swore viciously to himself. 'No reason to be scared, stop actin' like a puss' he told himself sternly.

They hadn't fought since the past Wednesday, and now Jack was feeling edgy. He had a bad feeling about tonight. He took a sharp breath as Bobby came bustling through the front door, his bag slung over his shoulder. Jack felt his stomach hit rock bottom at the look on Bobby's face.

'Shit, shit shit' he chanted. He pasted a fake smile on his face as he turned towards him.

Bobby dropped his bag on the floor and tossed his keys with a disgusted snort. He looked up to see Jack doing his best not to squirm.

"Whatcha starin' at?" he asked as he kicked his shoes off.

"Just uh wonderin' how the game went." Jack said, striving for a light tone.

Bobby raised an eyebrow, and gave a short bitter laugh. "Oh well you see, it was just fuckin' peachy Jack."

He angrily tossed his jacket on to the nearest chair, his face darkening with fury.

"First, I got tossed into the penalty box cause the ref doesn't like me. Fucker's had it out for me since I started. Then I finally get a goal in, only they say it doesn't count cause I tripped the guy to get it in. And ooh yeah, the best part? We fuckin' lost!" he shouted.

Jack winced mentally. He just knew tonight wasn't gonna be good.

"So, no the game didn't go well Jack, thanks for askin'"

Jack sighed softly as he picked up the discarded shoes. "Mom called, I told her we'd be there in a little while," he said as he placed the shoes in the closet. Bobby made a huffing sound.

"I'm gonna take a shower first, I stink of sweat."

Jack reached out to him as he walked down the hallway. "I think you smell great" he said as he inhaled deeply. Sweat, yes, but underneath that was the same smell that he loved.

Bobby chuckled. "Yeah, well you would, ya little fairy."

Jack's back stiffened. He despised being called 'fairy'. Bobby immediately noticed how stiff Jack had gone.

"What? The fuck is your problem?"

Jack shook his head quickly. He moved to let go of Bobby but he kept a firm grip on his arm. Jack stood silent, staring at the wall. 'Not now' he pleaded to whichever god was listening.

"I said, what.the.fuck. is your problem Jackie!" Bobby said each word drawn out.

"Huh?" he shook Jack's arm for emphasis. "Answer me!" his voice rising.

Jack started to panic. He felt the words come out of his mouth even as he tried to call them back.

"I hate it when you call me a fairy ok? Don't you think it's time for a new line?" he snapped, his eyes growing wide with fear at what Bobby might do next. Bobby stood still a moment, his eyes searching Jack's face. Then he nodded.

"Is that so?" Jack blinked once, then again.

"Yeah" he said, his voice a little unsteady. Bobby made a 'huh' sound and let go of Jack's arm. Jack moved away just a little bit, completely unsettled by Bobby's lack of action.

"Well, I'm hittin' the shower. Finish getting' ready," Bobby said as he walked to the bathroom.

Jack stared after him. 'What the hell was that' he wondered to himself. He knew that Bobby could flip at any second, but honestly, he'd been thoroughly expecting something more than that when he'd accidentally said what was on his mind. He picked up all of Bobby's scattered belongings with a puzzled frown on his face. He wished that he knew what Bobby was thinking.

If anything, the silent Bobby scared him more than the violent one did. He listened to Bobby sing in the shower as he picked out what shirts he wanted to wear. He smiled then as he heard him warble louder. 'Maybe tonight won't be so bad' he thought as he ran the styling cream through his hair. He always seemed calmer when they visited with Evelyn. Like her calmness rubbed off on him.

On the drive over, Bobby was extra careful with Jack. He held his hand and told him stupid jokes that he'd heard while at practice the other day. And once they pulled into the driveway, he had leaned over and kissed him, so heatedly that Jack had to adjust his jeans when they got out of the car. They held hands just like they had when they'd first gotten together.

Evelyn had brought them indoors, her eyes warm yet searching. Jack flushed under her careful eye. His bruise was practically not visible and he'd styled his hair as best he could to hide the side of his face. She'd looked him in the eye as she threw her arms around him and murmured in his ear that she'd speak with him later. His stomach dropped for the second time that night. 'shit,' he thought, his eyes dropping in frustration. He so did not want to deal with this tonight.

The dinner was great as usual, Angel throwing objects at Jerry, Jerry pretending that he wasn't annoyed, and Bobby on the couch watching the game on the TV. Evelyn pulled Jack into the kitchen under the pretenses of getting help with the dishes. Bobby shot him a quick warning glance. Jack sighed mentally. The bad feeling suddenly resurfaced.

Evelyn rinsed the dishes, one by one, with careful, precise motions. Jack placed each one in the soapy sink waiting for Evelyn to start talking. She finally began speaking about things that were going on in neighborhood, about the hospital and the volunteer work she was doing at the battered women's' shelter. Jack tensed up visibly as she spoke about the other volunteers and about how they were always looking for more funding and programs that would help get the women back up on their feet. They switched sides so that Jack could dry the dishes. His hands moved slowly as he dried each plate.

Evelyn studied the look on Jack's face. Unless she was mistaken, Jack was deliberately hiding the right side of his face. He was careful to turn his head only so far, careful not to push his hair back behind his ear. She took small breaths as she realized exactly why Jack was avoiding facing her outright. She struggled with the desire to just grab Jack and force him to tell her the truth, tell her what she didn't want to confirm. She'd feared this since the day that Bobby had confessed how much he wanted to be with Jack. Evelyn frowned then as she tried to figure out exactly how to approach this.

"Jack do you know why I volunteer at the shelter?" she said, her voice light, and void of any anger. Jack shook his head 'no' as he set the plate down that he'd been drying for five minutes.

"I volunteer because I know what it's like. I was there once myself." Jack met her eyes, his wide with confusion.

"Oh yes, it was a long time ago, long before I ever even thought about raising children. We were engaged, and I loved him desperately. He was kind in the beginning, but after awhile I saw the real him." Jack griped the counter with both hands.

"Mom, I don't…" he said, his voice shaking, his head twitching a little.

"Just hear me out Jackie. That's all I ask." He nodded jerkily at her request. She placed one of her hands on his and squeezed gently.

"I stayed longer than I should have. And then one day he went too far. And as I lay in that hospital bed, I swore that he would never have the chance again to hurt me. I know how those women feel, the shame, and the paralyzing fear mixed in with love. I was there and I remember it still. There's no shame in admitting that you need help sometimes Jackie."

Jack gasped softly and backed away from her. "I uh…I need a smoke…I'm gonna go outside and have one…" he said as he moved away, his eyes darting around the room in a panic.

"Jack, if there's something bad happening, you need to tell me. You can talk to me sweetheart, I won't let anything happen to you here," she said, her voice still even and firm.

Jack was shaking, trembling like he was in a bitter, cold wind. He was roughly three seconds off of bolting right through the kitchen door. At that exact moment, Bobby walked into the kitchen.

"Where you goin' Jack?" he said casually as he opened the fridge to get a beer. He missed the look between Evelyn and Jack. She nodded her head at him once. Jack stood in the middle of the kitchen, hiding his shaking hands behind his back.

"Uh, nowhere, Bobby, I just wanted a cigarette." Bobby stared first at Jack then at Evelyn.

"We're gonna be headin' out of here soon Ma," he said, his voice slightly detached.

Evelyn gave him a weak smile. "Well it is getting late I suppose. It's so nice to have all my boys back in house every now and then."

Bobby smiled at her. "It's nice to come home sometimes," Bobby said before taking a long chug of his beer.

Evelyn felt her stomach turn at the look on Jack's face. The naked pain and most of all, the fear. It was etched deeply in his face. His eyes always gave him away.

Bobby left the kitchen with a wink to Jack. Evelyn returned to the dishes, little tremors running through her shoulders as she thought over what she had just seen. Jack continued to dry them, his face completely blank. When all the dishes were cleaned, dried and put away, they faced each other. Evelyn waited a moment before speaking.

"Remember what I said Jackie. If anything bad happens, you come home to me. I mean that."

Jack stared moodily at the floor, his hands nervously playing with his chains. "Ok" he said in a hushed voice.

She hugged him tightly then, squeezing him till he groaned. With a soft laugh she let him go. As Bobby pulled his boots on, he watched the two of them hugging. A dark frown crossed his face then. 'What exactly had they been talking about?' a voice in his head whispered. He pulled his coat on with angry thrusts.

"Jack!" he barked loudly. Jack jumped like he'd been shot at the sound of Bobby's voice.

Jerry and Angel exchanged glances when they saw how fast Jack scurried over to Bobby and threw his coat on.

"Thanks again for dinner Ma," Bobby said, his voice slightly less angry than the moment before. She nodded. "My pleasure."

Bobby looked over first at Jerry, then at Angel. He gave them sharp nods before pushing the door open a touch harder than necessary. Jack flinched and sent all three an apologetic look as he followed right behind Bobby.

Jerry let out a slow breath. "Somethin' ain't right man." Angel shook his head.

"Bobby's walkin' the line again. Only a matter of time now."

Evelyn was still looking at the door, lost in thought. "You alright Ma?" Angel asked.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"You alright?" he repeated. She saw the pensive looks on their faces and pasted the best smile she could muster.

"I'm fine dear. Just fine." With that, she turned and headed for the bathroom. Angel and Jerry looked at each other again.

Angel shrugged helplessly. Jerry whistled through his teeth. "This ain't gonna be good, you know it bro".

Angel threw a chip at him. "So where does that leave us?" he asked, not really wanting an answer.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack sat in the car, his hand drumming lightly on his knee as Bobby drove. He could feel a simmering anger in Bobby that was leaving him with nervous flutters in his stomach. He tried to calm himself, to clear his mind. But all he could think about was whether or not, Bobby was going to blow up. 'Correction' he thought sadly. 'When not if.' He reached for his smokes, the rustling of the package overly loud in the stillness of the car. Bobby watched Jack fish out a cigarette from the corner of his eye. He waited till Jack finished it and pitched the smoke before speaking.

"So dinner was good eh," he said, a comment, not a question.

Jack nodded as his stomach went into overtime.

"Nice to see Ma now and then." Jack stayed silent. He wasn't entirely sure if Bobby was waiting for a response. His fingers drummed faster on his leg, his hands slightly sweaty. Bobby seemed to be thinking for a moment before he spoke again.

"Have a nice chat with Mom?" he asked, his voice a little too calm. Jack's whole knee was shaking now.

"Uh yeah…she told me…um about her volunteer stuff, at the uh, hospital and the umm…shelter," he said, struggling not to let his voice tremble.

Bobby made a thoughtful sound. "That so?"

Jack said 'yes' quickly, keeping his eyes averted.

Bobby let out a loud, sad sigh. "You know that funniest thing Jack?" he said, his voice still far too light and almost cheerful.

Jack's stomach flip-flopped. "What?" he said. Bobby looked over directly into Jack's eyes.

"I don't believe you." Jack froze in his seat.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" he said nervously, one hand beginning to tremble.

"I said, I don't fuckin' believe you. I think you might have said somethin' you shouldn't have," Bobby said, returning his eyes to the road.

"I didn't. I didn't say anything, I swear Bobby" Jack said, his voice taking on a pleading sound.

Bobby shook his head sadly.

"Y'know the odd thing is that Ma was lookin' at both me and you kinda funny Jack. And that tells me that you might have let somethin' slip. You didn't forget what I told you about tellin' people what they don't need to know did you sweetheart?" his voice took on a fake croon.

Jack started to back up against the car door.

"Bobby I swear, I swear it, I never said anything, you know I wouldn't. I promised I wouldn't and I know that I can't tell anyone and, and…" he babbled desperately.

"And..." Bobby drawled. Jack flinched as though he'd been struck.

Jack sagged in his seat. "And I…I deserve it" he whispered, his voice catching on a sob.

"That's right Jack. You've been doin' good lately and I thought you were getting better but I guess I was wrong. But that's ok, cause people make mistakes." Bobby nodded more to himself than anything else. "You can make it better."

Something inside of Jack snapped at those words. He felt an anger grow within him, a rage that rose up his throat and caused his hands to twitch.

"I didn't do anything wrong Bobby" he said, his voice even.

"What?" Bobby said, his eyes off the road momentarily.

"I said, I didn't do anything wrong. What you're doing to me is wrong," Jack said, softly but firm still.

"Really? According to who?" Bobby shot back, his brow creased in annoyance.

"You don't have the right to hurt me damn it! If you honestly truly loved me, you wouldn't fucking hit me!" Jack yelled, his anger spilling over. "I won't let you do this anymore. I'm not your fuckin' punching bag!"

Bobby pulled off to the side of the road, his face a terrifying mask of fury. Jack's breath hitched. 'Oh fuck me, why did I open my mouth?' he thought in a panic. Bobby sat still a moment, breathing hard. Jack fidgeted with his hands, breathing shallowly. He turned to face Bobby.

"Look, I'm sorry Bobby, I just got mad and I'm sorry I yelled and…" he trailed off at the look on Bobby's face. He sat perfectly still, waiting for whatever was next.

Bobby loosened his grip on the steering wheel slowly. He faced Jack and began to speak through tightly clenched teeth. "I'm firm with you because you need it. Don't even try to deny it. You need someone to tell you what to do and when to do it. You fuckin' crave it. I know you do. And when I tell you to do somethin' you had better fuckin' well do it."

Jack sighed then. "Firm is not the same thing as abuse." He looked down at his hands.

"Why do you gotta hit me Bobby? I love you even though you hurt me. So which one of us is more fucked up?" he said, his eyes burning with the urge to cry.

Bobby reached over and held one of Jack's hands. Jack's body tensed slightly, ready to move if need be. Bobby raised their joined hands to his face. The rage had completely gone from his body. Jack let out small breaths as he watched Bobby's every movement. Bobby brought their hands to his lips and he pressed a dry kiss on them. He shuddered then and grabbed Jack in a rough hug. Jack sighed in relief as Bobby made a strangled sound in his ear.

"I'm sorry Jack. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to help and I'm a fuck-up and I love you, I do." He whispered, his voice breaking every few seconds. "Please don't leave me" he said, his voice thick with unshed tears.

Jack felt his heart lift. "I won't leave you Bobby. I need you the way you need me." He pressed a light kiss to Bobby's cheek. "Besides, we're both fuck-ups."

Bobby gave a short laugh. They stayed in that position for some time, hugging and whispering. Bobby promising over and over that things would be different from now on. Jack smiled as they hugged. He wanted to believe it so badly. In hindsight though, he should have known better.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

One Month Later

For a time it seemed that Bobby had truly seen just how afraid Jack was of him while he was angry. He had resolved to himself that night while they had lain in bed that he would control his temper, especially when he was around Jack. He had felt his own anger simmering under his skin at the way Jack had talked back to him in the car. He pushed his fury down and stamped on it as best he could. Deep down he was afraid of what he might do one day, afraid of what he was capable of doing.

Over the next few weeks, Bobby stuck to his promise. Things were just the way Jack had remembered them to be before they moved in together. Bobby was doing better on the team, getting into less arguments and fights with the other guys and spending less time in the penalty box. Jack moved around the apartment, feeling like he was floating. He composed several songs that were slightly happier than usual while Bobby was gone during the day, smiled more when Bobby was around and adored the time they spent together.

After a month or so of comfortable peace between the two of them, Jack started to get a twinge of unease in the evenings. His stomach was starting to knot up again as the month wore on. He ignored the flares of panic as he wanted to believe that things were going to stay just the way they were going.

Jack woke early on the day of his birthday. He smiled up at the ceiling as he snuggled closer to Bobby, basking in the warmth that he gave off. Bobby had always done something interesting for his birthday in the past. Each year had been different, but Jack savored each one. He laughed silently as he remembered the year that Bobby had taken him, blindfolded no less, to the zoo for his birthday. When Bobby had pulled the blindfold off and seen the astonished look on Jack's face, he'd shrugged with a shy grin and muttered something about how he knew that this was one place Jack had never been.

He wondered what Bobby was going to do for today. They usually spent his birthday together, and then they would go to Ma's for a special dinner. He licked his lips at the thought of one of Evelyn's cakes. Jack reluctantly pushed himself out of bed as the urge to go to the bathroom grew strong.

Bobby mumbled something as Jack eased his way out of the bed. Jack smiled. Bobby would say the oddest things while he was sleeping, often yelling out scores or stats while deeply asleep. More than once, Jack had been yelled awake by Bobby's energetic shouts. He went over to the window and breathed deeply as he stretched. He glanced back at Bobby to see him beginning to wake up. He hurried to the bathroom and relieved himself quickly. As he filled the coffeemaker with the grinds, he found his mind wandering. He didn't see Bobby coming up behind him until the last second.

Bobby pulled Jack into a hug, placing a kiss on the nape of his neck. Jack jerked in surprise, his hand spilling some of the grinds on the counter. Bobby smirked and laughed into the side of Jack's neck.

"Spaz" he said affectionately. Jack scowled at him and pulled away a little bit.

"I wouldn't have dropped them if you hadn't startled me" he snapped.

Bobby looked at him with a small frown. He held up both hands and said "sorry" as he left the kitchen. Jack sighed as he wiped up the excess grinds. 'Bravo Jack, way to go' he thought to himself mockingly. He dropped the sponge in the sink and headed for the living room.

Bobby sat on the couch, studying the sports section of the newspaper. Jack plopped down beside him and laid his head on Bobby's shoulder. "Sorry" he said. Bobby glanced down at him, one eyebrow raised.

"You sleep ok?" he asked as he turned back to his paper. Jack nodded as he scanned the headlines on the page. They sat in near silence while Bobby finished the section. With a loud thump, he dropped it on the coffee table. Jack wiggled his toes.

"So any plans for today?" he asked, pretending not to know what day it was.

Bobby thought for a moment then shook his head. "I gotta head over to the mall later, and Ma wants us over for dinner for some reason. Other than that, I thought I'd just hang here today. You?"

Jack stared at Bobby for a minute. His mind worked furiously as he processed what Bobby had just said.

"The mall? For what," he managed finally.

"I told you last night that I need to pick up more tape for my stick." Bobby said patiently.

"Tape for your stick," Jack replied, his lips moving almost soundlessly.

"Yeah. Why you wanna come with or something?" he asked as he stood up suddenly.

Jack sat on the couch, his head spinning. Had Bobby honestly forgotten his birthday? He felt the absurd urge to bawl like a child at that thought. His head moved slowly as he said 'no'.

"I'm just gonna stay here Bobby, I umm…need to finish up my new song," he said, the words sounding hollow and vacant. Bobby shrugged.

"Alright then, I'm gonna get ready to go now." He disappeared into the bedroom then, leaving Jack still sitting on the couch.

After Bobby had left for the mall, Jack had raged to himself, hating every self-doubt he was having. He wanted to believe that Bobby couldn't have forgotten his birthday. He'd never forgotten, not once. Not even the year he'd served in jail. Jack had been thrilled to receive a phone call from Bobby on his birthday. They'd talked for almost half an hour before Bobby had to go.

Jack had hugged Evelyn, his tears soaking her blouse as he cried for the fact that Bobby had remembered when he'd been so sure that he wouldn't have been able to celebrate with him. Now, he showered almost angrily as he kept replaying their conversation this morning in his head. The water ran into his eyes as he struggled not to scream with frustration. "I will not accuse him. I will wait to see what he does," he repeated to himself.

By the afternoon, Jack had worked himself into a foul mood. He tried to write, but found himself completely blocked which only served to fuel his anger further. When Bobby walked through the door, bags behind his back, Jack was scowling at the television.

"Oh uh hey Jackie. Anything good on?" Bobby asked as he juggled his bags behind him.

Jack said nothing as he channel surfed, pushing each button harder than necessary. Bobby cleared his throat.

"Well I'm just gonna put this stuff away now." Jack nodded as he turned the volume up.

"Whatever" he said, his voice far too frosty for Bobby's liking.

Bobby closed his eyes as he felt his anger start to build up, feeling the telltale tingling in his palms start up. "Something wrong, Jack?" he said, each word said calmly. Jack ignored him.

"I asked you a question" Bobby snapped.

"So what?" Jack said carelessly.

Bobby made a hissing sound then. "What the fuck is your issue Jack? There somethin' you wanna say to me?"

Jack tossed the remote down on the coffee table and folded his arms across his chest. He stared at wall, ignoring Bobby. After a moment of silence, Bobby placed the bags down on the floor. He took two large steps towards Jack, each step he took he chanted to himself that he had to calm down.

"Look I don't know what the fuck happened while I was out today, I ain't even gonna pretend that I understand why you're so pissed. But you could at least answer me," Bobby said, his voice wavering slightly as he bite back the urge to yell.

Jack turned his head to Bobby and gave him a nasty look.

"Maybe I don't feel like 'talking' ok?" he said, standing up then and crossing his arms tighter. He knew damn well that he was treading on thin ice right now but he just couldn't seem to stop the words from escaping his mouth. He'd spent all afternoon obsessing over the fact that Bobby had clearly forgotten his birthday and he wasn't about to just give up now.

Bobby shook his head sadly. "I can't help if you won't talk to me," he said, his mouth turned down at the look on Jack's face.

"Look, just leave me the fuck alone ok Bobby?" Jack snapped over his shoulder as he walked towards the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

Bobby felt the anger rise over him like a hazy red wave. He stalked towards the bedroom and ripped the door open. "Get back here you little shit!" he yelled, his hands clenching as his vision swam. All he felt was the sudden urge to hurt, to cause pain.

Jack spun around from the windowsill that he had been clutching when Bobby burst through the door. He felt the first pangs of fear as he saw the familiar look of fury cross Bobby's face. His breath suddenly short, he tried to stand up straight, to fight the urge to flee. He'd started the argument, he'd finish it.

"I thought I made it pretty clear that I wanted to be alone!" Jack said, his hands twitching.

"I don't give a shit what you want. You got a fuckin' problem with me then be a man and tell me, don't start a fuckin' fight!" Bobby said, his breathing growing heavier with each passing moment. Jack scoffed at that.

He paced back and forth, afraid to look Bobby directly in the eyes. "Did it occur to you that maybe I'm angry and maybe I don't want to talk? Can't you take a hint? Just go Bobby." Jack muttered. "Leave me alone."

When only silence filled the room, Jack looked up finally. He saw Bobby move towards him and before he could blink, Bobby's hand connected with his cheek. His head rocked back with a lurch. He staggered back against the bed, his hand coming up to cradle his cheek. His vision swimming, he spat out some of the blood that filled his mouth. Through the haze of pain, he could make out the angry words that were spewing from Bobby's mouth.

"…fuckin' brat, you always gotta push me, fuckin' mouth just has to keep runnin', you see what you made me do?"

Jack started to shake his head 'no' when he felt Bobby's fist smash into his nose. He heard a sickening crack as his world suddenly went dark. His head spinning, he pulled himself upright slowly.

"Stop, Bobby, please" he sobbed, his tears burning and mixing with the blood that dripped down his face.

Bobby was yelling again, incoherent yells mixed with threats as he slapped Jack twice more across the face. Jack put his hands out blindly, trying to push Bobby away long enough to duck. He gasped as he felt Bobby's hands go around his neck and begin to choke him. He clawed at Bobby's hands frantically, his mouth moving in silent pleas. Jack's legs kicked uselessly as Bobby drove him into the wall, his head thudding painfully with each shake.

Jack felt a sudden rush of anger at Bobby. He swung one leg around Bobby's and yanked with a fierce swipe. Bobby fell backwards, giving Jack enough time to drop to the ground and curl up in a tight ball. Bobby stood up, his chest heaving with fury. He blinked as the red haze grew stronger.

'How dare Jack hit me?' his mind thundered. He watched absently as Jack curled up, ignoring the racking sobs coming from below him. He walked a circle around Jack, waiting for a reaction.

"Not so fuckin' tough are you now huh?" he sneered. He gave a sharp kick to Jack's ribcage, feeling a surge of satisfaction at the cry of pain that followed.

He grabbed Jack by the shoulders and shook him like a rag doll. "You wanna fuck with me?" he asked, spittle hitting the side of Jack's bruised cheek.

Jack hung his head, he could feel the blood pouring down his chin and he spat to the side again. "No…no" he whispered, his head spinning. His eyes blurred and the room was a swirl of colors.

With a vicious twist, Bobby spun Jack around by the arm and brought it up behind him. He pulled the arm up higher and higher until Jack was screaming, begging him to let go. Jack shrieked as the image of a broken arm filled him with renewed terror. He sagged limply against Bobby as he felt his arm lowered, his shoulder flaring with bursts of pain. He sobbed and gagged weakly, his tears choking him.

Bobby swayed suddenly as he felt a rippling sensation go through his body. He felt invincible, and the power surged through him. Bobby turned Jack around to face him again, his wrists like iron clamps on Jack's.

Jack coughed as the blood gathered in his throat. "Stop, stop, stop," he pleaded softly.

Bobby gave him a dirty look, and then sneered. "Not so brave and tough now are you? Where's your smart mouth eh? You wanna pick a fuckin' fight with me, you better be prepared to deal with the results."

Jack sobbed again as bile rose up in his throat. The beating went on. Bobby drove his fists into Jack's stomach, backhanded him every time he cried out and delivered a sharp kick to his left knee when Jack managed to lurch to the side, almost breaking loose.

Finally Jack gasped out "You promised…Bobby…you swore you…you…said you wouldn't do…" he coughed hard as his raw throat ached from each word.

The haze of anger that surrounded Bobby began to fade at Jack's words. Bobby dropped him back on the bed and backed up as he saw the amount of blood leaking from Jack's broken nose. He looked down at his own hands that had Jack's blood all over them. His breath hitched. He started to shake all over. He felt sick to his stomach as he saw the quickly blooming bruises all over Jack's face.

"Oh God…Jackie, what have I done?" he whispered as he felt his stomach heave.

Jack lay back on the bed, trembling like a leaf, sobbing softly through the pain. He shivered as though all the warmth in his body left him. Bobby staggered back and leaned against the wall. He couldn't take his eyes off Jack's bloodied face.

Jack was lost deep in memory, the images flashing through his head of all the beatings he'd taken from him before. Bobby would come closer to him and start off by caressing him, and then his hands would become more firm and insistent. Eventually he would end up having sex with Jack, taking him roughly. Soon after he would fall into a deep sleep, leaving Jack to drag himself to the bathroom. Or the hospital the next morning after Bobby left for the day.

He closed his eyes as he heard the dry sobs coming from Bobby. He pushed himself upwards cautiously. Bobby had his hands over his face, seemingly unaware of Jack's movements. Jack eased himself off the bed, and limping heavily, made his way to the door. He managed to pull his shoes on and was just grabbing his coat when he heard Bobby shout.

"Jack! Get back here!" He froze like a frightened rabbit for a second. He felt torn between his instinct to run back to the room and let Bobby follow his pattern and the urge to run, run as fast as he could. He gave a soft cry as he opened the door as quietly as he could.

He heard Bobby's bellow of outrage as he made his way down the stairwell, favoring his wounded leg. He hobbled out to the front of building, mindless with the need to escape. He took off down the street till he saw a row of cabs. He gestured wildly at the first one. From the corner of his eye, he could see Bobby running full speed after him. He dove into the first cab and let out a low scream when Bobby started hammering on the cab door. The driver started yelling back at Bobby while Jack pleaded with him to just drive.

The cabbie pulled away from the curb with a sudden lurch. Jack reeled as the motion rocked through him. He whispered Evelyn's address as he watched Bobby still yelling in the street. He sat back against the cab seats and closed his eyes. He'd actually done it. He'd finally run back home. He felt tears trickle from the corners of his eyes, cutting a path through the slowly drying blood that was still coating his face. The cabbie wisely said nothing and delivered him to the address.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Pain & Love pt2

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.

Final Warning: Bobby/Jack pairing.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Evelyn had been sitting in the living room, her knitting needles clacking in the still air. Jack's cake was cooling in the kitchen, dinner was ready, and Evelyn's stomach was tightly knotted. She put her needles down when she had a flash that something was definitely not right. She concentrated hard, straining to figure out what it was, when she faintly heard the sound of a car pulling up to the house. Her stomach twisting and turning, she peeked out the window.

To her shock, she saw a cab in the driveway, and what looked suspiciously like Jack in the backseat. She grabbed her purse and ran for the front door. As she neared the cab, her hand flew up to her mouth when she saw Jack's face. Flustered, she thrust a handful of bills at the cab driver.

"Thanks lady. By the way, you might wanna get this guy to a hospital. He looks like he needs some help ma'am," the cabbie said before spitting out the window.

Evelyn's mouth was as dry as sandpaper. She merely nodded as she helped Jack out of the backseat. The cab driver drove off, the engine loud in the early evening. She took one look at his face and gripped Jack as tightly as she dared.

"Oh my Jackie. I'm so sorry sweetheart," she said, holding back her tears.

Jack glanced around in a daze, his movements slow and awkward. "Ma?" he croaked.

She pulled him indoors, cursing the fact that she had known that someday this would happen and cursing the fact that she'd been unable to stop it.

Inside the house Evelyn brought Jack straight to the kitchen. She sat Jack on the nearest chair, her hands shaking violently.

"Stay here, sweetie. I'm just going to get Angel. I need his help okay, just stay here." She said this softly, afraid of startling him.

Jack nodded absently, his face blank. She rushed upstairs and knocked frantically on Angel's door. She heard a muffled groan behind the door.

"Angel! Angel! Please, I need your help. It's Jack!" she called impatiently.

Angel opened the door and squinted in the light. "Where's Jack?" he asked, his voice thick with concern. Evelyn could faintly make out the shape of Sofi on his bed.

"Downstairs, in the kitchen. He's hurt, badly. I think it was Bobby."

Angel's face tightened.

They hurried down the stairs, Angel taking two at a time. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw the mess that was Jack's face. His breath caught as he took in the amount of dried blood, the awkward way his arm hung, the vacant gaze to his eyes. He swiveled around to face Evelyn.

"Bobby do this?" he asked, his mouth a tight grimace. Evelyn nodded jerkily.

"I…I think so, Angel. He hasn't said anything yet. Get me some towels please," she said.

She grabbed a large pot and filled it with warm, almost hot water. Jack remained motionless on the chair. She approached him slowly, trying to catch his eye. Angel bounded back into the kitchen with several towels in his arms. Evelyn nodded her head at Jack, and together they moved in.

She wet the edge of one towel and began to gently wipe some of the blood from Jack's cheeks. She rubbed in small circles, alarmed by the sheer volume of blood. Angel eased the jacket off Jack's arms. Jack sat limply, his limbs moving only when Angel moved them. Evelyn had her tongue firmly placed in her cheek as she wiped more streaks of red from his nose and lips.

When he was finally free of blood, Evelyn stood back to observe the damage to Jack's face. She sighed deeply at the bruises that covered his face, the broken tilt to his nose, the puffiness around his eyes. She saw an almost mirror image to that night from so long ago. The same night she lay in the hospital wondering yet again what she had done wrong.

"That shirt will have to come off" she said, a worried frown on her face.

Angel nodded. "If you pull it, it'll hurt more."

He studied the way Jack's arm was bent. "I say we cut it off".

Evelyn closed her eyes. She was afraid to see how much worse it might be under Jack's clothes.

"Alright then. Just…be careful Angel."

Angel laid a hand on her shoulder. "Course, ma."

She smiled gratefully at him. Angel took the scissors from her and began to snip the fabric over Jack's shoulder. He managed to make several large cuts before Jack began to stir. Jack moaned lightly and began to make feeble movements.

"No" he whimpered softly. Evelyn and Angel's eyes met.

Angel finished cutting the shirt and together they pulled the fabric off. Angel swore under his breath as he saw the bruises that covered Jack's chest, his ribcage a horrid mix of colors.

Evelyn let out a small sob, her hand over her mouth. Angel glanced over at her and gave her a weak smile.

"He'll be ok, Ma. Don't cry." Jack looked up for the first time and caught Evelyn's eye.

"Ma?" he said in a shaky voice.

Angel looked down at Jack's arm. "Jack, your arm hurt?" Jack glanced over at him, the lie automatic on his tongue.

"No" he said even as he flushed with the knowledge of his lie.

Angel sighed. "No, I meant broken, or just out of socket."

Jack looked away. "I don't know. Twisted I guess," he mumbled.

Angel looked it over again. It didn't look broken.

"Ma, we really should take him to the hospital. I can't fix this. Shit, I don't even know if it's just twisted around." At those words, Jack began to panic.

"No, no! No hospital, if Bobby finds out…" he trailed off as he realized what he'd just said.

Evelyn felt the first tears trickle down her cheeks.

"He won't hurt you, not anymore Jackie," she said, her voice firm despite her tears.

Jack hung his head, zoning out once again while Angel and Evelyn discussed what to do. He knew Bobby was on his way. He knew Bobby would follow.

"We have to take him Angel, this can't wait," Evelyn said softly. Angel grunted as he avoided looking at the dark bruises that covered Jack.

"What are we gonna say happened?" he asked finally.

Evelyn shook her head. "We'll think of something."

With that she stepped out of the room, her hands shaking with fear and fury. She called out to Angel to try and help Jack out to the car in a few minutes.

Angel gathered up the bloodied towels and dumped them into the laundry room sink. He struggled to keep from charging out the door and throttling Bobby with his bare hands. He closed his eyes as he rested his arms on the washer. He'd always known how bad Bobby could get, had seen the damage that he'd inflicted on other guys years ago. Bobby had always been the most vicious of all the boys in the neighborhood. He had been suspended so many times during one year of high school that the principal had told Evelyn flat out that Bobby belonged in a cage, not a school.

Now he felt sick to his stomach as he tried to imagine what had happened to Jack tonight, tried to picture what went wrong. He pushed down the urge to scream. Jack needed him right now more than he needed to beat some sense into Bobby. Angel went back into the kitchen and debated which way to lift Jack off the chair. He crouched down beside him and searched for the right words.

"Jack, we gotta go to the car. I'm gonna help you 'k".

Jack nodded as he kept his eyes down. His arm throbbed painfully as Angel lifted him upwards, causing him to whimper at each motion. He gritted his teeth as they started to slowly walk towards the car.

Evelyn sat in her car with her head down on the steering wheel. She'd never felt more helpless than right now. She'd always prided herself on anticipating what was going to happen and knowing how to fix a bad situation to the best of her ability, but this, this was beyond what she knew. She gathered her strength.

'Jack needs you now, more than ever,' she whispered while fiercely wiping at her eyes.

She let out a long breath as she watched Angel half-walk, half-carry Jack towards the car. She got out and hurried around to the other side of the car to help Angel.

"Hmm, I wonder if the front seat would be better," she muttered as Angel eyed the backseat thoughtfully.

"Nah, I'll hold onto him in the back. Gotta support his head," Angel said after a moment.

Evelyn nodded as she held onto Jack while Angel got into the backseat. Jack seemed to become more aware in the cold night air. He slowly slid into the backseat and leaned back gratefully when Angel pulled him closer. They drove off towards the hospital in complete silence.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After parking in the lot at the hospital, Evelyn drew up all her strength for the questions that were bound to be asked. Jack leaned heavily on Angel as they walked through the emergency doors. A nurse came over to them and gave Jack a once-over, her eyes wide with sympathy. Jack kept his eyes on the ground still, not wanting to look at anybody directly. She turned to Evelyn then.

"Fill out these forms, and then take a seat please," she said as she handed a clipboard with an information form on it.

Evelyn nodded. She directed Angel over to the waiting area as she filled out Jack's information. A short while later they were directed into a secondary waiting room to see a doctor. Angel placed Jack on the bed gently. He turned to catch Evelyn's eye and shook his head at her. He then went to stand guard by the edge of the curtained off section.

Evelyn sat beside Jack and stroked his hand.

"Jackie, I'm so sorry this happened," she whispered as she moved her thumb in soothing circles.

He lifted his head, and gave her a brief, twisted smile. "Not your fault," he said, his voice still rough from his earlier screams. She let a tear slip out as she gently hugged him, wishing she could take his pain away.

After a long period of waiting, the doctor finally strolled in.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Walsh. Well, what's going on tonight here folks?" he asked as he flicked his pen. He looked Jack over and gave a low whistle.

"Jack Mercer? Back again?" he asked, his voice dimming then.

Evelyn whirled back around to face Jack.

"What?" she said, her voice rising with panic. She turned back to the doctor.

"What do you mean again?" J

Jack seemed to shrink within himself, curling into a smaller ball. The doctor paused as he skimmed through the info sheets.

"This is Jack's third visit this year ma'am. 3 times in three months actually." He adjusted the glasses that hung around his neck.

Evelyn's mouth dropped at the doctor's words. Three times?

"And the other times?" she stammered. "What of them?"

The doctor glanced through the sheets to double check before he began to read off the visits. "January 6 – severe bruising to the spine, two black eyes, fractured pinky finger. February 12 – black eye, swollen lip, light concussion."

He paused again for a moment. "That's just for this year ma'am. Not including last year."

Evelyn gave a choked sob as she stared at Jack in disbelief.

"Why Jack? Why didn't you say anything?"

Jack's shoulders shook lightly as he tried to curl up tighter. Angel paced angrily, his scowl deepening by the minute. He stopped and faced the doctor.

"How many times since the summer of last year?" he snapped.

"Ten" the doctor said, his voice even. Angel shook his head in disbelief.

"Ten times, and no one thinks that's unusual?"

The doctor sighed. He fiddled with his glasses. "We can't make the patients tell us what happens. Son, this is the inner city. We get so many young guys just like Jack. Most of them get beat up real bad cause of gangs and drug-related problems, even prostitution. These kids don't want to tell us what happens. All we can do is stitch them up and hope they get out while they can."

Angel gave an angry snort. "He ain't in no gang, you can see that just by looking at him."

The doctor nodded. "I'm aware of that son. I can't help Jack if he doesn't want to be helped. He never tells us what happens, he just shows up, we fix him, then after awhile, he shows up again."

He handed the nearest tissue box to Evelyn as she cried silently.

"I understand this is difficult for you Mrs. Mercer, but I need to examine Jack now."

She nodded, dabbing at her tears. "I understand."

She sniffed once as she stood, Angel's arm on her shoulder. Dr. Walsh placed his hand on Jack's good arm.

"Jack, I need to look you over."

Jack uncurled slowly at the doctor's soft touch. He began the examination.

The doctor sent Jack for x-rays to confirm his broken nose. He set the bone back into place and set up a small splint on the outside. A short while later they had the doctor's prescription for pain medication. The doctor spoke privately with Jack for some time before he sent him on his way back to Evelyn and Angel. As they drove back to the house, Jack sleeping in the backseat, propped up against Angel, Evelyn contemplated what they were going to do now. She knew it was only so long before Bobby would turn up and want to see Jack.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Inside the house, Angel took Jack upstairs to his old bedroom and helped him to bed. Exhausted, Jack fell into a deep, troubled sleep almost immediately. Angel headed to his room, only to find Sofi rearranging his shelves. He mock-glared at her and cleared his throat. She took one look at Angel's face and held him close while he trembled with the need to cry, feeling unable to.

Evelyn sat in the living room, staring out the window. She had called Jerry and asked him to stop by. She gave him only the barest of details over the phone. He pulled into the driveway and hopped out, his body moving faster than Evelyn could remember. He came through the door in a rush.

"Where is he?" he asked breathlessly.

"Upstairs," Evelyn said, looking down at her hands.

"He's sleeping now, completely worn out. We still need to pick up his painkillers, but that can wait."

Jerry let out a breath that he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. He glanced over at the stairs. "Can I see him?" he said, his voice shaking a little.

Evelyn nodded. "Don't you wake him though Jeremiah."

Jerry smiled, his teeth flashing in the light.

"No problem. Just wanted to see him with my own eyes."

Evelyn gave him a sad smile. She followed him silently up the stairs, bracing herself for any possible reaction. Jerry hesitated at the door. "Is it real bad Ma?" he said suddenly.

Evelyn shook her head. "It's not good Jerry." He nodded.

With that, he pushed the door open quietly. On his bed, Jack lay stretched out, his right arm in a loose cloth sling, the other clutched tight to his body. Jerry's chest hitched as he saw the bruises, the splint on Jack's nose. He backed out of the doorway, his back hitting the opposite wall as Evelyn closed the door behind them. He looked up at her with dull eyes.

"It was Bobby wasn't it?" he asked. Evelyn nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears again.

"Come downstairs, have something to eat," she said as she guided him down the stairs.

Jerry smiled to himself. Ma was still under the illusion that he was always hungry.

"Y'know I'm not a scrawny kid anymore, you don't need to stuff me full of food every chance you get," he said, wanting desperately to see a smile on his mother's face.

She smiled wearily. "Old habits die hard I suppose."

Jerry laughed as he followed her to the kitchen.

"I'll make you a sandwich, turkey's fine right?"

Jerry sat down and tried not to stare at the pot of bloodied water still on the table.

"Jerry?" she asked as he sat staring at the table. "Jerry?" Louder this time.

"Huh? Oh uh, yeah turkey's fine Ma."

He looked down at the pot again. "Do you want to uh get rid of this?" he said, one finger pointing it.

She paled lightly then.

"Oh goodness, I'd completely forgotten that it was still there. Go ahead and dump it."

Jerry picked it up with the edges of his fingertips. He held it out away from his body and dumped it down the sink. He couldn't take his eyes off the reddish pink tinged water as it swirled down the drain. He sat down, feeling numb. Evelyn placed the sandwich in front of him and sat down in her own chair. Jerry ate half of his sandwich mechanically before he got the courage to ask her what he needed to know.

"How much do you know?" he said after a big mouthful.

"Close your lips Jerry," she said automatically. He closed them with a sheepish grin.

Then she sighed. "I know very little. I know that they had a fight. I know that Bobby hurt him. I know he managed to get out and took a cab here," she said shrugging helplessly.

"Anything else?" Jerry asked as he pushed away the remaining half of his sandwich. He suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.

Evelyn sighed again, this one sounding more pain filled.

"I also now know that this wasn't the first time," she said, her head drooping a little.

"How many times Ma?" Jerry asked, his voice tight with anger. Evelyn wiped away a stray tear.

"At least ten times," she whispered. "Probably more though. I doubt he went to the hospital every time."

Jerry sat back in his chair, his stomach heaving at the thought. "But why though? Bobby loves Jack, he wouldn't hurt him like this," he said then added, "Would he?"

Evelyn shook her head. "I'm afraid the only people who understand are Jack and Bobby."

Jerry sighed. "There's a part of me that just wants to rip Bobby a new one, and a part of me that's pissed at Jack for staying. Is that wrong Ma? Am I blaming the wrong person?"

Evelyn ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I wish I could say for sure what's right or wrong Jerry. I don't know why Jack stays. I know he loves Bobby. I know that Bobby loves him. Whatever happened, they need to fix it, but I'm not sure if I trust Bobby to handle things the right way."

"Jack's a victim, yes. But Bobby is a victim of his rage. He needs to control it, or it will control him," she added after a moment of thought. Jerry nodded sadly.

"So what now Ma?" he asked finally.

"I wish I knew Jerry, I wish I knew," she said while staring out the door.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack awoke several hours later. He blinked at the ceiling groggily, his tongue thick in his mouth. 'Where am I?' he thought. His head whirled when he tried to sit up. Groaning, he flopped back down on the bed. He glanced around the room and relaxed when he saw the familiar pictures on the wall.

"I'm home," he whispered, overcome with the urge to scream.

Jack closed his eyes when he felt the first stirrings of panic in his stomach. He remembered now, the arguing, the beating, him making it to the cab and the look on his mother's face. He cringed at the thought of how bad his face must have looked. He'd seen his reflection far too many times after going a round with Bobby.

Suddenly aware of his full bladder, Jack cautiously pushed himself off his bed and made for the door. He swayed as bright spots danced in front of him, dizziness making him weak. He started to reach out for the door with his right hand and his breath caught when he felt it flare with renewed pain. He looked down and shuddered at the sling that was wrapped around his arm.

'It's not broken, at least it's not broken,' he chanted to himself as he opened the door with his left hand.

He held his injured arm close to his body as he leaned against the wall beside the bathroom. "Don't check the mirror kiddo, do yourself a favor," he said, a dry chuckle forcing its way past his lips.

He clumsily peed, struggling to keep his aim steady with his left hand. Finally finished, he put the toilet seat down, flushed, and then held his head in his good hand. He debated the shower, and decided to hold off for now. His head throbbing angrily, he slowly left the bathroom, holding onto the wall for support. As he took the stairs, one step at a time, he could hear Jerry's voice coming from the kitchen. He smiled faintly at the sound of Jerry. He hoped Ma was there too. He stood in the doorway and shuffled forward a bit.

"Jack!" his mother was up on her feet in an instant. Jack found himself swept up in his mother's fierce grip.

"What are you doing out of bed young man!" she scolded while she hugged him.

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes as she spouted off about how he should be in bed resting, not running about the house.

"I'm not running," he said softly as she shooed him into a chair. He fiddled with his sling for a minute before meeting their anxious eyes.

"I'm alright, I promise," he said finally. Jerry let out a long sigh.

"Y'know Jack, I didn't see you before the hospital. But I see what you look like now. You can't expect me to believe that you're okay," he said as he leaned back in his chair.

Jack nodded vaguely. "It looks worse than it is," he said.

Evelyn gave him a look of disbelief. "Jackie, you know that your arm is in a sling right?"

Jack sighed as he slumped back in his chair. "And that your nose was broken and that your face, chest and wrists are covered in bruises?"

Jack winced at the list. He already knew that his chest was bruised. He could feel the pain every time he breathed. He closed his eyes briefly.

"I wish you guys hadn't seen me like this," he muttered. Jerry looked up at Evelyn, his eyes wide with shock.

"How long has this been happening?" Evelyn asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Jack flinched. "Since the day after we moved in together," he said, his voice low.

Evelyn recoiled as though she'd been slapped. She let out a gasp and turned away to grab hold of the sink as her shoulders shook. Jerry's face was dark with anger. Jack's eyes began to burn as he resisted the urge to cry. He trembled in his chair while he listened to the muffled sobs that came from Evelyn. Jerry pushed his chair back and stood, his hands clenching loosely.

"And you stayed? Why? What the fuck are you thinking Jack?" Jerry yelled.

Jack's eyes flashed then. "I knew you wouldn't understand, any of you. Bobby protects me, he loves me and keeps me safe," he said, his chin raised in defiance.

"Keeps you safe? Huh? From himself? Are you so blind that you can't see how wrong this is? What he's doing is not what's normal!" Jerry snapped at him.

Jack made a scoffing sound. "Like you know what's normal. None of us know what's normal. We're all too fucked up to know what normal is! Don't you fuckin' preach to me Jerry!"

At that moment Angel walked through the kitchen doorway to the fridge. He could feel the angry vibe in the room, the tension thick in the air.

"The hell you guys yellin' about," he said as he poured himself a glass of juice. Evelyn wiped at her face with a dish towel.

Jerry spun around and pointed a finger accusingly back at Jack. "This crazy white boy thinks it's normal to get the shit kicked out of you by someone who 'loves' you!" he snarled.

Angel glanced over at Jack, saw how pale his face was under the bruises, and saw how he was biting his lips, the way he stared at the table with anger in his eyes.

"That true Jack?" he asked calmly.

Jack lips thinned until they were hardly visible. He sighed after a moment.

"You guys just don't understand. Bobby...he's not always like this. Most of the time, we're good together. He loves me, more than you know."

Evelyn sniffled. "Jackie, we only want what's best for you and for Bobby."

"Maybe I don't want you guys to decide for me. I'm not a kid anymore. I can make my own mistakes!" Jack said, his face hot with frustration.

"Let me handle my problems on my own," he snapped as he awkwardly stood up. He started to head for the doorway when he heard Angel call out.

"What if your mistakes kill you man? You ever think of that?"

Jack hunched his shoulders as he continued walking, his eyes brimming with furious tears. Angel gulped the last of his juice before tossing the plastic cup in the sink.

"We gotta get them some help or somethin'. This just isn't right," Jerry said.

"And you telling him that he's wrong and accusing him isn't going to help Jeremiah!" Evelyn said as she sat back down on one of the chairs. Jerry hung his head in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry Ma. I didn't...I just got mad, y'know. He just takes it and lets Bobby do this," Jerry said, trailing off helplessly.

Angel nodded his head in agreement. "How do you fix something when the person doesn't want to be helped?" he asked.

Evelyn shook her head slowly. "I don't know where to begin boys. All I know is that simplest answer is never the easiest." Her eyes had a haunted look to them.

A silence drifted over the kitchen, each person lost in their thoughts. The sound of an engine revving in the street broke the silence. Evelyn whipped her head around. She knew the sound of that engine anywhere. Angel went over to the living room window and peered out.

"It's him," he said flatly.

Evelyn and Jerry stood in the living room and watched Angel head out to stop Bobby before he got inside the house. Bobby was a sight to see, his stride determined, his hands clenched in fists.

"What do you think he'll do?" Jerry muttered. Evelyn loosely clasped her hands together.

"Please don't let them hurt each other," she prayed softly.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jack pulled the curtain back a little bit when he heard angry shouting on the front lawn. His mouth fell open when he saw Bobby and Angel yelling at each other. His heart hammering in his chest, he pushed the window out a bit so he could hear what they were saying.

Angel stood imposingly in front of the house with his arms crossed over his chest, every inch the marine. He stared down at Bobby, his lips set in a firm line, dark eyes glinting with anger. Bobby paced back and forth in front of him, his hands gesturing wildly.

"The fuck Angel! Lemme in! You can't fuckin' stop me!"

Angel shook his head. "No" he said softly.

Bobby let loose another stream of swears as he threatened Angel.

"I know what you did Bobby. That's why you ain't comin' in".

Bobby froze mid-step. He turned to face Angel.

"What did he tell you?" he asked slowly. Angel stared hard at him for a moment.

Then he looked away, and sighed. "Enough."

Bobby caught a movement behind Angel. He saw Jerry open the door a bit, his equally angry eyes staring him down.

"Look, what happened ain't any of your business. It's between me and Jack, not yours, not Jerry's and not Ma's. Either you bring him down or I'm going up there to get him, so fuckin' help me," Bobby said, his body heaving as he yelled.

Angel locked eyes with Bobby. "Or else what? You gonna hit me too?"

Bobby snorted. "Like I'd really hit you Angel, though I gotta say, it's pretty tempting right now".

He kicked at the ground for a second. Angel looked up at bedroom window and saw the curtains twitch. He mentally counted to ten before speaking.

"You're not gonna do this shit anymore, least of all to Jackie. He doesn't need you or your shit. I sure as fuck ain't gonna let you hurt him again. You gotta get out of here, cause you're not gonna see him anytime soon."

Bobby lunged at Angel and tried to pull him down with him.

Bobby swung his fist as hard as he could, throwing punches, grunting when Angel hit back. Over his own screams he could hear a woman shrieking. 'Fuckin' La Vida Loca' he thought angrily as he kneed Angel in the stomach.

He felt small hands yanking on his coat and he reeled back with a yell, ready to hit whoever got too close. His face red with fury, he stopped mid-yell when he saw his mother's face. He could just faintly hear the sound of her voice pleading with him over the roar in his ears.

The world moved in slow motion around him, colors blurred, everything was slowed down. He turned his head to see Jerry holding Sofi back from the fight, Angel shaking him, telling him to calm down, saw the tears that rolled down his mother's cheeks. Angel grabbed him with both arms and held him tightly while he was distracted. He struggled for a moment, fighting the hold that Angel had on him. He tilted his head back long enough to see Jack in the doorway now, eyes wide with horror, and the bruises that covered his face. He dropped his head in shame as he stopped fighting and sagged weakly against Angel, mumbling apologies that sounded empty even to him.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Angel had sent Sofi home as soon as he had Bobby under control. He had locked Bobby into Evelyn's room with a warning that if he tried to get out, they'd call the cops. Jerry had led Evelyn indoors. Jack had run upstairs the second the fighting had stopped, his sobs still clearly heard hours later as he took refuge in his room.

Jack was inconsolable that night. He stayed in his old bedroom, rocking in a corner as he screwed his eyes shut while he tried to block the images from his mind. They replayed in his head over and over, a constant stream that tore at him. When his legs had gone numb, he'd staggered over to his bed and sobbed weakly into his pillow, gagging on the taste of his tears. He fell into an exhausted sleep some time later, his dreams following him.

Evelyn had sat at the table, her hands trembling while Jerry pushed a cup of tea into her hands. She wanted to weep and she wanted to rage at the same time. They sat in silence as Evelyn tried to get her shaky hands under control. Angel pulled a chair out from the kitchen and sat in front of the bedroom door. He insisted on keeping an eye on Bobby.

After a long pause, she lifted her head and met Jerry's eyes. "Do you think it was the right thing to do?" she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

Jerry nodded and sighed. "You can only do what needs to be done," he offered. She stared off into space.

"I didn't know what else to do. I've never questioned myself after making a choice, but I just willingly allowed Bobby to come into the house while the person that he abuses weeps upstairs. I don't think I could have forgiven myself if it was me of all people to send Bobby to jail. I just hope I made the right choice," she said sadly, tears glistening in her eyes.

Jerry shook his head. "Ma, you did what you had to do. If this was the wake up call that Bobby needed, so be it. You can't keep savin' him. He's gotta want to save himself. Same goes for Jack. He can't let Bobby control him forever."

Evelyn gave a sad smile. "You always did have a way with words Jeremiah".

He grinned at her, flashing his bright smile. "It's a gift," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"You want me to stick around?" he asked as he stretched in his chair.

Evelyn looked down at her tea cup. "No, you go on home. I'll be fine, I promise."

After Jerry left, she sat staring at the wall. She'd never felt more heartbroken. She dropped her head into her hands and struggled over what to do next.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bobby paced the length of his mother's room, his hands crossed behind his back, a nasty look on his face. His eyes flashed every few minutes as ugly thoughts ran through his mind. The initial calm that had fallen over him after fighting with Angel had faded, leaving him anxious to get out of the room. His upper lip curled as he imagined the looks on their faces if he managed to escape.

"How dare they keep me from Jack!" he fumed angrily as he turned around and paced another line across the room.

Beneath his anger, his body was worn out from the tension of the day. He'd been set to surprise the hell out of Jack with his gift only to go and fuck the whole night up. He spun around suddenly and screamed at the door.

"You can't hide him from me!"

When no one answered he started to pace again. As he paced he let his mind wander, remembering everything that had happened in the past few hours. He could almost feel the rage rise up within him just thinking about Jack's defiance. Bobby stopped pacing abruptly as the memory of his violence washed over him.

He doubled over, suddenly feeling the urge to throw up as he recalled the bruises and, oh god, the blood. His head shaking, he brought his hands up to his face and saw the dried blood that coated his fingers. He gagged once as the metallic smell wafted under his nose.

Bobby rushed to the bathroom and began to frantically wash his hands with scalding hot water. He watched with morbid fascination as the water turned pink each time he rinsed his fingers.

"What have I done?" he muttered as he steadfastly ignored the tears that had begun to roll down his face. He stumbled backwards from the bathroom, still staring at his dripping hands. The blood had almost all been washed off.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes. He focused on bringing his breathing under control. Long forgotten memories from various therapists echoed in his head. When he was sure that he could think rationally, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. As he stared, he could have sworn that he could hear the sound of someone crying softly. Bobby bit down on his bottom lip hard then, stamping down the guilt that surged to life in him. He wiped irritably at the tears that still leaked from his eyes.

"Ok, so now what do I do?" he whispered as he sat, his head now tilted forward, eyes half closed. From the side, he almost looked like he was praying.

"For starters, you could admit that there's some seriously fucked up shit between you and Jack," a voice said from the doorway.

Bobby jumped a bit at the sudden voice. He relaxed when he saw that it was Angel, who was staring at him like he was a particularly nasty bug.

Bobby felt a fleeting moment of fear pass through him. He shook it off and jumped to his feet. "You can start by backin' the fuck off!" he snapped.

Angel gave him a level stare. Bobby glared back with a sneer on his lips.

"You deaf? Get the fuck outta my way!" he shouted impatiently.

Angel started to open his mouth, then stopped. He shook his head slowly. "Not till you listen to what I gotta say," he said.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "This I gotta hear. Well what are you waiting for?"

"Shut your fuckin' mouth or I'm gonna shut it for you!" Angel snapped. "Sit your white ass down."

Bobby gave him a dirty look but sat down anyway. He crossed his arms and let his foot tap with irritation. Angel sighed deeply.

"You know something Bobby? I never once tried to butt in your shit. I never tried to stop you from doing what you gotta do. I've always got your back though man. You know that." He blew out a breath.

"But this shit, this is too much. I can't stand by for this. I got your back but I also got Jack's. And you can't tell me that you wouldn't wanna rip apart the son of a bitch that would hurt someone you love."

Bobby snorted and looked off to the side. Angel eyed the ground then started to speak again.

"When Ma brought me to help Jack, I…fuck man, he looked like he'd been hit by a truck. Do you even know what you did to him?" Angel asked, his voice becoming more low and disgusted by the minute.

"I don't know why, I don't think I'll ever understand this, but Jack loves you. Even after you beat the shit outta him, he loves you and defends you to Ma, to Jerry, to me," said Angel. He wiped a tired hand across his face. "You don't deserve him, Bobby."

Bobby's face was red with anger, his body rigid as he held onto the bed. "Get out, get the fuck out," he growled.

Angel stared at Bobby. "You even listenin' to me?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't care what you think. I don't have to explain myself to you," Bobby spat as he glared back at Angel.

"You fucker. Did you know you almost broke his fucking arm? You know that would have just about destroyed him. He lives to play that guitar," Angel said slowly.

Bobby had gone as white as a sheet when Angel mentioned Jack's arm. He saw a brief flash from earlier that day, saw himself twisting Jack's arm up the middle of his back, saw the grin on his own face as Jack had shrieked. He stood up abruptly, his face pale, his hands shaking.

"I…where is he? Let me see him," he whispered. Angel started to shake his head.

"Please, fuck just let me see him. I gotta tell him I'm sorry. I…I," he cut short his babbling as he suddenly began to dry heave, his stomach clenching at the image that played over and over in his mind.

He ran blindly for the door, only to smack straight into Angel's chest.

"No. Not right now," Angel said firmly. Bobby gagged again as he tried to stand upright.

"You, you don't understand. Just let me go upstairs, I'll make it alright I swear. Just let me go," he said insistently as he tried to push Angel out of the way.

"No Bobby," Angel said, his voice full of regret. Before he could blink, Bobby was yelling as he struggled to get past him.

"Godfuckindammit!" he roared. "Let me go now! He's mine. I need to see him. You can't keep him from me! Jack! Jack!" he called desperately.

Angel held him in a tight grip, both his arms holding down Bobby's as he fought furiously.

"No, not right now. Later, you can see him later. Let Jack rest. He needs to sleep Bobby, hush now." Angel's voice had become a steady deep lull to Bobby's worn out nerves.

"Jack! Jackie!" he called out weakly as the fight drained out of him. He let out a harsh sob. Angel gently steered him back towards the bed.

"C'mon now, sleep and you can see Jack later," he said softly as though he was speaking to a child.

Angel helped Bobby out of his coat and watched as he kicked off his shoes. Bobby stared at the door, his eyes frantic still. He made another attempt to get to the door, only to be held back again and brought over to the bed.

"Tell Jack I'm sorry. I'll make it up to him, I can make it better," he murmured, his eyes pleading with Angel to believe him. Angel pulled the covers up over him and nodded.

"I know you will, Bobby," he said. By the time he got to the doorway, Bobby was fast asleep. He shook his head as he closed the door behind him.

Evelyn sat in the kitchen, still staring at her cold tea. Angel dropped into one of the chairs wearily and groaned as he massaged his neck.

"He's sleepin'," he said, seeing the unasked question in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly. Angel nodded. "I'll be fine."

He let out a hard laugh with no humor behind it. "Done more talking tonight than I do in most weeks."

Evelyn smiled. "Bobby's lucky to have a brother like you."

Angel grunted. "Doesn't feel like I helped all that much."

"You've helped more tonight that you'll ever know Angel. You helped Jack in one of his darkest hours. You stood up to Bobby and refused to let him make another mistake. You forced him to listen and kept him safe, especially from himself. All those things will help Angel. You just need a little faith," said Evelyn as she stood up from her chair.

He groaned lightly. "Sappy Ma, real sappy."

She lightly slapped the back of his head as she passed him on the way to the sink. "None of that Angel. Sentiments are never sappy," she chided gently.

Angel grinned at her. "Where you gonna sleep Ma?"

"I haven't decided yet," she said while rinsing out her mug. Angel thought for a moment.

"I'll take the couch, you take Bobby's old room," he said. "Sounds good to me," she said.

"I'll bring you some blankets and a pillow in a moment," she added as she climbed the stairs. Evelyn smiled to herself. She knew that Angel wanted to make sure that Bobby stayed in the room until things settled a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Pain & Love pt3

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bobby stood by the window in his mother's room, arms folded as he watched the pale light from the moon creep across the floor. His sleep had been broken and after tossing and turning for over an hour, he'd gotten up. A small frown marred his face as he thought over Angel's words from earlier that night. He'd never been all that up on admitting that he was wrong.

Oh, he could apologize, say that he was sorry, and mean it but he would still hold the notion that he'd been right, no matter what the other person thought. And even now, he clung to the idea that Angel didn't understand and that's why he was so mad, not that he was mad at Bobby but mad because he didn't understand, that's all.

'He'll come around,' he reasoned to himself. He nodded at that thought.

'And if you're wrong?' a small voice whispered maliciously in his ear. Bobby shut his eyes, squeezing them tightly. Behind the darkness of his eyelids, he could see the continuous replay of him beating Jack bloody. He shuddered lightly. The images wouldn't leave him alone.

'No less than you deserve' the voice whispered again.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jerry lay in his bed, his fingers pressed together tent-like as he looked up at the ceiling. He had given up all thoughts of getting any sleep tonight. Every time he tried to relax his body, his brain would push another thought at him. He listened to the even, steady breathing of his wife. He envied her, her ability to sleep no matter what was on her mind.

Each time that he thought he was closer to actually sleeping, he would see the heartbreaking look on Ma's face, the drying tear tracks on Jack's face as he slept, the bloody water that had been left on the table. His stomach twisted and then lurched. He got out of bed as quietly as possible.

Jerry leaned down and kissed Camille softly on the cheek. He hurried to the bathroom and closed the door behind him, allowing himself to be sick then.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Angel slept fitfully on the couch. He sorely missed the comforting warmth that Sofi provided. He groaned as he flipped his pillow over again, searching for the cooler spot. Try as he might, he couldn't fall asleep. He punched his pillow angrily.

"Dammit!" he growled.

He'd taken the couch knowing how uncomfortable it was for a man his size to sleep on, but he would suffer knowing that Bobby wasn't getting out of that room without him knowing it. And there lay the bigger problem. Bobby.

'What the fuck do we do?' he thought grimly as he turned on his right side again.

He was determined to make sure that Bobby never lifted a finger to Jack in anger again. The only problem was that he had no clue as to what they could do to help. Angel sighed as he pulled the sheet tighter over his arms. He hated feeling so useless. He wanted to fix this now before Bobby did any more damage to Jack.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Evelyn lay on her side on Bobby's old bed, twisting the sheets around her fingers as she glanced around the room. She took in the posters, the various sports memorabilia's on the shelves. She swallowed weakly as the urge to cry hit her again. She'd lost count of how many times she had found herself in tears since the moment she had heard the cab pull into the driveway.

She'd always known that Bobby could turn on those he cared most about in a matter of seconds. His reputation on the streets did him justice, people flinched at the name Bobby Mercer, and other gang members who would never back down from a fight, would go out of their way to avoid a run in with him. She shivered as she imagined the look on his face when he was in a rage.

Until earlier that night, she had never seen the full effects of what Bobby was capable of. She'd heard many a rumor about things he had supposedly done to others, but never seen the brunt of his violence before. Evelyn closed her eyes and sighed. 'I've failed him,' she thought miserably.

She remembered the countless times that she'd been called to the school when he was younger to speak with the principal. She recalled the way that Bobby would be sitting slightly hunched over in his chair, cracking his knuckles and giving the badly frightened principal threatening looks. The glare on his face made most adults very nervous. And of course, each teacher, whether they had him or not, knew what Bobby was capable of.

She scowled at the ceiling as she recalled the one principal at Bobby's second high school, the only one who wasn't frightened. He had been there several years and was accustomed to dealing with the worst of the inner city kids, the ones that society had washed their hands of. The man had the nerve to tell her to her face no less, that Bobby belonged in a cage, or jail, whichever was more convenient for her. She had sat in silence for a moment in shock at the man's bluntness. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the quick flash of hurt on Bobby's face, a look that was gone in the blink of an eye. She felt a hot wave go through her and her own anger reared up.

She'd stood up calmly, thanked the principal for his time and when he'd reached his hand out to shake hers, she had slapped him so hard that his head rocked backwards. He'd stumbled, and then fell back into his chair, a dazed expression on his face. Bobby had stared at her with a blank look on his face. She'd turned back to the principal and told him coldly, that she would no longer require his assistance in educating Bobby, and that he might want to reconsider his counseling methods.

With that, she'd gently grabbed Bobby by the arm and led him out of the office, her head held proudly high. That night she had sat Bobby down and explained to him that if he couldn't deal with school, then he would need to find a job, something for him to do, a skill to learn to help keep him out of trouble. Bobby, then 16, had hugged her tight, mumbling thanks and apologies into her shoulder. She'd nodded her head, her eyes bright while sending him off to bed. Only once she was in bed, did she let herself weep.

Now she fought her tears and resolved that she would do everything that she could to keep Bobby and Jack together. She rubbed at her eyes. God, she felt tired.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In the early hours of the morning Bobby lay on his mother's bed staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. His sleep had not been restful, his dreams dark and frightening. His hands were laced together on his chest, the fingers still twitching as he tried to push the disturbing images from his mind.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a muted knock on the door. After a moment's hesitation, the door opened and Bobby felt his stomach drop as Jack shuffled through the doorway. He forgot to breathe as he looked Jack over, the extent of his injuries hitting Bobby full force. He sucked in a quick breath as Jack inched closer to him.

Jack met his eyes; his chin raised slightly, a silent challenge. Bobby could see hints of shakiness in Jack's frame. He supposed that Jack was using every bit of strength that he had left.

"Jack" he breathed, his heart beating far too fast.

"Bobby" said Jack.

"Jackie, I…" Bobby started to say.

"No" said Jack firmly. Bobby's eyebrows rose in confusion. "What?"

Jack shook his head slowly. "Don't you apologize. Not right now. I can't hear it from you right now" he said, his throat convulsing lightly as he nervously swallowed.

"I don't want to hear your promises, or how sorry you are, none of that shit."

Bobby nodded, his nostrils flaring in annoyance. "Alright, so how do I make this better if I'm not speaking then?" he said.

Jack blinked. "Make this better?" he said softly. "Bobby this isn't just gonna fix itself just cause you say sorry."

Bobby sat back down on the bed and huffed to himself. A pain filled silence filled the room. Finally Bobby stared down at the floor while he spoke.

"I don't know what to do Jackie. I want to make you happy, make you love me again…I" he trailed off as he noticed that Jack was fidgeting with the straps of his sling. He pushed down the hard lump that rose in his throat.

Bobby moved as though he was in a daze. He closed the distance between them and raised his hands until they hovered over Jack's injured arm. Bobby brought his hands down softly on the sling. Jack watched Bobby's hands, seemingly mesmerized by their movements. He hitched his breath when Bobby gently stroked the fingers on his right hand. His eyes fluttered shut when he felt soft, barely there kisses to his knuckles.

Jack was torn between the urge to run and the desire to let Bobby touch him. He gasped thinly as he pulled back abruptly. He took one big step back from Bobby, who stared at him, his eyes unreadable.

"I can't do this right now. I've…I gotta go" he said, his voice laced with panic. He limped towards the door, a deep frown etched on his face as pain shot up his leg.

"I'll um…see you later" he said while biting his lip furiously.

Bobby nodded once, his heart sinking as the door closed.

'I'll make it right. I'll do whatever it takes' he swore to himself as he suppressed the urge to cry or to scream, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do more.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Evelyn's hands shook as she poured water into the kettle. The almost complete lack of sleep left her feeling old and weak. She inhaled slowly, deep calming breaths while she prepared breakfast. 'I must speak to Bobby. This morning, no later.'

Angel came through the doorway, rubbing the back of his head with one hand.

"Mornin' Mom" he said as he sat at the kitchen table.

Evelyn smiled at him as she placed a plate of pancakes on the table in front of him.

"Was the couch comfortable?" she asked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"Hell no" he muttered around a mouthful of pancake.

Evelyn stood at the window and turned her face to meet the first rays of the sun. She let her mind wander as she stared out the window, momentarily forgetting the events of the night before. A sharp blast from the kettle jostled her out of her daze.

She made herself a cup of tea and sat at the table, savoring the still quietness of the morning. She watched Angel wolf down four pancakes before speaking again.

"I know I need to have a talk with Bobby this morning."

Angel swallowed his last mouthful and then looked up at her. "You want me to take Jackie some place?" he asked.

Evelyn took a sip of her tea and nodded. "If you wouldn't mind."

"No problem Mom. You want us to pick up his meds then?" he asked.

"Yes, I suppose he'll be needing those by now. Hmm, I think I'll go check on him." She made another cup of tea and carried it with her as she left the room. "And rinse your plate please" she called over her shoulder.

Angel rolled his eyes as he rinsed his plate. He strained his ears, listening for any sounds coming from Evelyn's bedroom. Nothing. He grabbed the juice container and took a long gulp of it. 'Better grab my shower now while there's still some hot water' he thought with a grim smile.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Evelyn tapped on Jack's bedroom door with two fingers. "Jackie?" she called quietly.

When there was no answer, she pushed the door open with her foot and walked in. Jack was on the bed, idly picking at the knot in his sling, his face blotchy from crying. Evelyn sat the mug of tea down on the small side table near the bed and gently pulled Jack into her arms. He resisted at first, staying stiff as a board, but after a moment of inhaling the clean, comforting smell of his mother, Jack's defenses broke. He cried hard into her shoulder, his sobs racking his body. She whispered soothing words into his ear and ran her fingers through his hair slowly while he cried.

After ten long minutes, Jack pushed back a bit and sniffed loudly. She smiled at him and handed him a small tissue pack that she had carried upstairs in her pocket. He blew his nose quickly. He looked down at her shoulder and his face creased again.

"What?" she asked.

"I cried all over your shirt Mom, I'm sorry," he said softly.

She gave a small chuckle. "Don't worry about my shirt sweetheart. The more important thing is, are you feeling a bit better?"

Jack gave her a watery grin. "I still hurt and I can't seem to stop crying."

She shook her head slowly. "That's to be expected. You've been through quite a bit these past few hours. I'm sending you with Angel in a little while to pick up your prescriptions. It'll do you good to get some fresh air."

"You're going to talk to him aren't you?" Jack asked, his head down.

Evelyn sighed. "Yes Jackie, I will be. It has to be done. You can't sweep this under the rug and pretend that it's all going to go away. You can't run from this problem Jack."

Jack shrugged awkwardly. "I know. But Mom…don't yell too much ok? He loves me I know he does, and he doesn't mean to hurt me, he just looses control sometimes," Jack said, his ears pink with embarrassment.

Evelyn nodded gravely. "I know all that sweetheart but the very problem is control. He must learn to control his anger."

She stood up and then leaned over to place a kiss on the top of his head. "Go with Angel. I'll see you soon."

Jack stood up and headed for the door. "Bye Mom."

She watched him head down the stairs, a sad smile on her face. She took a deep breath before heading to her own bedroom to face Bobby.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Evelyn pushed open her bedroom door, her heart beating loudly in her ears. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, watching Bobby stare out the window, a sad, forlorn look on his face.

She waited patiently for him to acknowledge her. After a few minutes of silence, Bobby sighed quietly. She watched him slump forward a bit and found herself wondering what he was thinking.

"There comes a time when saying sorry is no longer enough Bobby" she said.

Bobby rested his head against the window frame. He dry swallowed against the hard lump that had formed in his throat.

"I never meant to hurt him" Bobby whispered.

"I know that you're truly sorry for what you've done to Jack. But in order to stop hurting him, you need to face your own fears, your own anger. By hurting Jack, you hurt yourself" said Evelyn.

Bobby blinked rapidly then, ignoring as best he could the hot tears that gathered and burned under his lids.

"You're slowly driving him towards a breakdown. He loves you like crazy Bobby, and he's not about to leave you, despite what everyone tells him."

Bobby whirled around, his eyes overly bright, hands balled into fists.

"He left me yesterday!" he snarled, the hurt clear in his voice.

"Only because you beat him until he feared for his life" Evelyn shot back, her own eyes bright with anger.

"I cannot stand by and allow you to do this to Jack. He deserves to be more than a convenient way for you to release your anger. Don't you want Jack to be happy? Do you really want him to suffer, particularly at your hands?" Evelyn trailed off as she watched a look of horror slowly appear on Bobby's face.

"I…do you think he wants to be with me or…or is he just too scared of me to leave?" Bobby asked, his breathing loud and fast, rasping in his ears.

Evelyn looked down at her hands. "I'd like to believe that it's because he loves you so, Bobby."

Bobby nodded shakily. He suddenly felt weak and feverish.

"Ma, I don't know how to fix this, I don't know how to change, to be what he needs me to be" he said as he swallowed rapidly over his rising nausea.

Evelyn made up her mind in that moment, deciding that Bobby needed to see something visual to drive the point home.

"Come with me Bobby. There are some people I'd like you to meet" she asked quietly.

Bobby's head snapped upwards. "I ain't going to no doctor" he said automatically.

Evelyn smiled sadly. "No doctors, I promise."

She held out her hand as he grabbed his coat off the edge of the bed. He walked past her ignoring the outstretched hand. She closed the door behind her, her lips pressed tightly together. It would be a long car ride.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

They drove in silence, neither feeling the need to speak. The tension between them was so thick that Evelyn found herself struggling to breathe. They pulled up in front of a non-descript building that seemed tired and faded around the edges.

Bobby eyed the building and snorted.

"So, what's so fuckin' special about here?" he said.

"Language, Bobby. You'll see in a moment" Evelyn said as she locked her car door.

She knew that side of Bobby was protecting him from his own fear. She ignored the dirty look on his face and started up the cracked cement stairs. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he started up the stairs. Evelyn led them down a narrow hallway, nodding and smiling at some of the other women in the doorways and halls. Bobby trailed behind her feeling like a tag-along teenager all over again.

She stopped in front of a door marked 'Private', one hand resting on the doorknob. She turned to look at Bobby, her face deadly serious.

"I want you to keep your mouth closed the entire time that we're here. I mean it Bobby, not one word."

Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes. He nodded his head once, enough of an answer for Evelyn. She opened the door and motioned for him to follow her. They stepped into a mid size room that for the most part, resembled a hospital operating room. All necessary equipment, first aid supplies, a few wheelchairs, several pairs of crutches in one corner and what looked like a hospital bed.

Bobby glanced around the room, a sinking feeling in his stomach growing by the minute.

Evelyn chuckled dryly, sensing his unasked question. "Funding, my dear. It pays to know people that are connected to charities."

Bobby blinked. He hadn't realized just how involved his mother was in the various charities that she supported and volunteered in. He caught a bit of movement then out of the corner of his eye, coming from underneath the sheets on the bed.

Evelyn walked briskly to over to the emerging body on the bed. She leaned in closely and spoke softly to the woman under the covers. The woman struggled to pull herself up into a sitting position. Evelyn gently lifted her forwards so that she could move herself higher. As they moved, the sheets fell away from her body.

Bobby bit down hard on his lower lip as he saw the now revealed ropey, raw-looking new scars that covered her arms and upper neck. One eyelid drooped further than the other; her right ear seemed smaller than the left, until Bobby realized that it was because the top half was missing. Patches of her pair were missing, her face a wash of darkly colored bruises. Bobby choked on a horrified gasp, his eyes blinking furiously. The urge to scream was overwhelming his need to be sick.

Evelyn spoke with the woman again; taking no notice of Bobby's slightly muffled gasps.

"Bobby, could you please step out of the room so I can speak to Jessica in private?" she asked calmly.

Bobby stumbled backwards, his legs heavy and awkward. He closed the door behind him, dizzy with the implication of what had happened to that woman. He slowly sat down on the ground near the door, his head hanging low. He breathed shallowly through his nose, slow, even breaths, just the way Evelyn had taught him.

A pained cry from one of the other rooms brought his head back up in a second. The cry died out a moment later. Bobby was about to close his eyes when he suddenly saw a small boy sitting across from him. The boy was hunched over, his light brown hair flopping over his eyes.

As Bobby studied the child, he realized that the child seemed so familiar to him. He cursed silently as he struggled with his memory. The boy looked up at him, his eyes dead, weary and far older looking than any child's ever should be. A combination of fear and anger that Bobby remembered all too well from his own days of being a helpless child.

He felt a surge of satisfaction as he summoned the memory of the day he'd hit his foster parent back. The way the bone in his nose had crunched has satisfied his need to inflict pain. He shuddered abruptly as he recalled the sound Jack's nose had made when he'd broken it the night before. The snapping sound echoed in his ears.

He observed the size of the bruise that covered the better part of the child's face. 'Bet that hurts' he thought absently.

The boy stood up then, moving very slowly as though the very act of moving hurt every fiber of his being. He shuffled slowly towards Bobby. The paleness of the child's face was unnerving. Bobby stood up; something about this silent child was spooking him badly. The boy stared up at him, his wide eyes so pain-filled. He reached for Bobby's hand. Bobby felt the child's cold fingers wrap around his, and in that moment he didn't see a nameless, abused child, he saw Jack.

A small version of Jack that still screamed and pleaded for mercy each time he was beaten, a Jack who had yet to become accustomed to the punishments from his abusers, a child who had yet to learn the value of indifference, a child who wore no masks to protect his emotions and feelings. A child who was starved for any kind of affection or love. An older Jack who suffered at the hands of his lover, never doubting that in some way he deserved it.

Bobby let out a hoarse cry and dropped the child's cold hand, the guilt overwhelming him, the nausea surging violently in his stomach. He gasped for breath, helpless against the images that flew through his mind. He heaved and swore violently as the colors on the child's face blurred together until his vision was nothing but a garish rainbow.

He backed up and bumped into Evelyn just as she was coming out of the room. She took in Bobby's pale, sweating face, and the child's calm, blank expression. She knelt down and ran a comforting hand over the boy's head.

"Well, hello there Joey. Have you come to visit your Mommy today?" she asked kindly.

Joey nodded slowly.

"Do you want me to bring you in to see her sweetheart?" she asked.

Another slow, silent nod.

"Alright then," she said as she pushed the door open again. Bobby followed behind them, feeling like he was floating. She led Joey into the room and helped him on the chair by the bed.

"Here, I've brought a little surprise for you. I know how much you like dinosaurs, so here's a few to help you start a collection" she said as she handed Joey a small cardboard box from her overly large handbag that had several plastic dinosaurs.

Joey gave her a tiny, fleeting smile that was gone in a flash. She walked over to Jessica and smoothed back the dull brown hair that hung in her face. She dropped a quick, motherly kiss on her forehead. When she went to put her purse back on her shoulder, Bobby watched with mild, detached amusement as Evelyn slyly slipped a twenty dollar bill in Jessica's battered purse on the bedside table.

They left the room then, Bobby still thoroughly spooked by the odd visions that he'd had of Jack while holding Joey's hand. Evelyn waited until they were in the car before speaking again.

"Jessica lived with her boyfriend for ten years. Joey is seven by the way" she said.

"…so small though" Bobby muttered. She nodded, her eyes soft with emotion.

"About three days ago, Jessica decided that she couldn't live with the abuse anymore. He came home early and caught her packing. He…" she stumbled as she talked, the anger still evident in her voice.

"He grabbed a knife to her, pinned her down and took the knife to her arms and neck. He tried to …scalp her. That was when Joey attacked him. He hit him on the back of the head with a hammer. Several times."

Bobby looked out the car window, swearing softly.

Evelyn turned to face Bobby, her eyes were wide with pain and anger, and just for a split second he saw Jack again.

"There's one more thing I need to show you today" she said.

Bobby attempted to nod. His stomach rolling, he clenched his fingers into the arm rests as she started the car again.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

They drove once again in muted silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. It was a silence that they both welcomed.

Evelyn turned the car off the main road and onto a smoothly paved, winding driveway. Bobby felt a distinct sense of unease as they passed row after row of headstones. As he stared at the passing rows, Bobby saw a group of mourners standing by a grave site. He felt a surge of pity for them. He'd never attended a funeral in his life and felt extremely uncomfortable around cemeteries.

Evelyn pulled the car over to the furthest side of the driveway. She turned the engine off and rested her hands on the wheel. Bobby waited a beat before leaning closer to her.

"Mom?" he croaked, his voice still hoarse from earlier.

"I'm fine dear. Come with me" she murmured before stepping out of the car. Bobby walked slightly behind Evelyn as she expertly led the way through a seemingly endless maze of graves. They came to a stop in front of a small section of graves, about thirty in total. In the middle of the gated section of the cemetery was a large concrete angel, her arms outstretched, and a heavenly smile on her face.

Bobby stood off to the side of the walkway, his hands deeply in his coat pockets as he watched Evelyn run her fingers over the inscription plate on the base of the statue. She turned to face him a moment later.

"This stone angel was created for the women's shelter that I volunteer at. She watches over the ones who didn't escape while I help the ones that did. It's dedicated to an old friend of mine, Mary." Evelyn sighed then, a heavy sigh full of regret.

She watched Bobby's eyes to see if he was listening, really hearing what she was saying.

Bobby avoided meeting her eyes. He couldn't bear to see the anger and the hurt that must have been in her eyes. "So…uh what happened to Mary, Mom?" he asked hesitantly.

Evelyn thought for a moment before speaking. "Mary was the kindest person that I've ever known. Smart and brave, a loyal friend, kind to a fault and a good mother. And yet she was foolish in believing that her husband would ever let her leave him. She finally did try to leave him the day after she caught him beating their three year old son. He found her a month later."

Evelyn broke off again as a sob rose in her throat, the memories so awful to relive. She pressed one hand against her mouth. Bobby stepped closer to her, one arm haltingly raising to hug her, to offer some form of comfort. She breathed slowly before beginning again.

"He dragged her out of the shelter one morning. How he found her, we'll never know. She was missing for over half a day before we found her body on the shelter's doorstep. She was…virtually unrecognizable, she'd been beaten so severely. On the news that night, we learned that he'd put a gun to his head in the middle of the police station lobby after announcing what he had done earlier that day. I suppose the guilt was eating away at him, and he couldn't find a way to cope with it."

She wiped at her eyes with a hanker chief. "I brought Mary's son home with me until he was ready to be adopted. He still writes me once a year, usually around Christmastime. He's a good boy, Mary would have been so proud."

She cried little then, silent tears that zigzagged across her cheeks. She stepped back a bit from Bobby and looked him closely in the eye.

"I brought you here and to the shelter today to show you what can happen, Your anger Bobby, it controls you. You have to be strong enough to ride out your fury," she said.

Bobby began to speak. "No, let me finish" Evelyn interrupted.

Bobby frowned at the stern expression on her face.

"I won't let what happened to Mary happen to Jack. I know that you love him, never question that Bobby, but your kind of love could cost Jack his life. I'll help you find the guidance you need, I'll help you both every step of the way. But know this, you will not lay even one finger on him in anger again. Do you understand?" she asked firmly.

Bobby blinked away more tears that threatened to choke him, wiping furiously at the stray ones that rolled down his cheeks.

"Promise me Bobby, promise!" she said.

"I…I promise," he whispered brokenly. "On his love…and mine," he added.

Evelyn pulled him into a hard hug. "I'll never stop loving you Bobby, but Lord how you try my patience," she said as she hugged him, rocking slightly.

Bobby barked out a short laugh at that. "You're the only one who never gave up on me, Ma" he said softly.

"Hey, look at me," she said. Bobby met her eyes reluctantly.

"Would I ever give up on any of my boys?" she asked as they turned to head back to the car.

"No" Bobby said. "Damn right," she said.

Bobby begged off from going back to the house right away. He could feel his slim control over his emotions slipping. "God, I need a drink," he mumbled as he nearly ran into the nearest bar, his heart aching with new knowledge.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bobby stared blankly into his nearly empty beer bottle. He had long since lost count of how many he'd consumed since stumbling into the bar four hours earlier, his mother's words still loudly ringing in his ears. He uttered a short cry that tried to be a sound of laughter as he studied his bottle. He couldn't seem to block her voice, her soft voice that was loaded with disappointment, anger and sadness.

A few of the other people sitting at tables close by gave him a cursory glance when he gave his bizarre laugh. He ignored the stares and focused on finishing his beer. The table was covered in bottles. Bobby strained his bleary eyes and attempted to count them all. After 3 tries in a row, he gave up and decided that it was high time that he had another drink. He staggered up to the bar, weaving dangerously close to the other tables.

The bartender was reading a beat up newspaper, tapping one foot absently as he avoided making eye contact with Bobby. He recognized Bobby all too well. Fucker had started more than a few fights in the bar, making a scene every so often, getting completely shit faced. He struggled to ignore Bobby's impatient sigh.

Bobby watched the bartender ignore him for a few moments before his anger started to rear its ugly head. "Hey, how 'bout some service huh!" he yelled, waving a bill in the guy's direction.

The bartender sighed. The worst ones always came in on his shift. 'Fuck' he thought. "Whatcha want now Mercer?" he said as he walked over. Bobby glared at him.

"Can the shit and gimme a bottle of JD" he snapped. The bartender's eyebrows rose.

"Y'know it's not a good idea to pour Jack Daniels over ten beers right?" he said cautiously. He supposed it probably wasn't the best idea to keep serving Bobby, but he remembered the last time he'd tried to refuse to serve him. He fingered the scar on his left arm, close to his elbow; fucker has sliced him good with his pocketknife.

"I appreciate your concern" Bobby drawled sarcastically. "Now give me the fuckin' bottle."

"Fine" he said as he grabbed the nearest bottle from the shelf. Bobby dropped the bill beside the bartender's open palm and snagged the bottle before he could blink.

"Your customer service skills are excellent as always." Bobby said sourly as he wobbled back to his table. The bartender walked back over to his paper.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit" he muttered with disgust.

Bobby sat back down at his table, his legs shaking as he sat. He ripped the cap top off carelessly, bringing the bottle straight to his mouth. He gulped down three large swallows, the alcohol burning all the way down his throat. He licked his lips, leaned back in his chair and studied the bottle.

"Drinking will only make this more difficult Bobby" said a soft voice in his ear.

Bobby jumped in his seat and whipped his head around frantically looking for the voice. Seeing no one, he took another long pull from the bottle and gasped aloud as it burned a new trail down his throat.

"When's drinking ever helped you along Bobby?" the voice said again.

"Who the fuck said that!" Bobby yelled, blinking rapidly as he scanned the room.

A sigh. "I'm right behind you."

Bobby turned around so quickly that he almost fell off his chair. "Jerry!"

Jerry glanced at the bottles that covered almost every available spot on the table and shook his head slowly. He sat on the chair opposite to Bobby and folded his arms. He frowned then as he watched Bobby take a deep swallow from his bottle. He waited till Bobby swallowed before sighing again.

"I'm starting to wonder if you ever listen" he said. Bobby stared at the table, a bored look on his face.

"Look Jerry, I don't need this shit right now. You don't understand, and I ain't arguing with you about this anymore. Me and Jack, we aren't gonna put this right if you guys keep butting your heads in" he said.

Jerry knotted his fingers tightly and drummed them lightly on the table. 'You can throttle him in private' he said to himself as he searched for what to say.

"One talk with Angel isn't enough to make it clear obviously. If you're in a bar drowning your sorrows, then you haven't been listenin' Bobby" he said, his voice heavy with sadness.

Bobby just stared at the table, the tips of his ears turning pink with embarrassment. His brothers had found him in worse situations then just being drunk in a bar, but at that moment, he'd never felt more child like and frustrated. Jerry suppressed a smile as he watched the blood flow to Bobby's ears. 'Just like Jack's' he thought, laughing silently.

"First I get Angel tellin' me where to go, then Ma, and now you, who else you got lined up?" Bobby snarled.

"Man, you just don't fuckin' get it. You think we don't understand and yeah ok, for me especially I don't get it, but you ain't the only one who doesn't understand." Jerry snapped.

"What you've got with Jack doesn't seem right. That boy loves you to the end, and all you do is beat him up and control him and…"

"I don't control him!" Bobby interrupted as the pinkness spread over his ears to his cheeks. Jerry nodded at him with a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Oh yeah, you do. You don't even have to say the word, Jack's already jumpin' to please you; you say jump and he asks 'how high', that just isn't right" said Jerry.

Bobby stared at the table as if he wanted to burn a hole clear through it. He swallowed awkwardly over the large lump in his throat. "I just wanted to help him, I never meant to hurt him" he whispered.

Jerry nodded his head in agreement. "I know you weren't trying to hurt him, but Bobby this time you could have killed him. What's it gonna take for you to go too far?"

Bobby shuddered at the thought. "I…I didn't know…it was like a haze, y'know. One minute we were both yelling, and the next I was bea…hitting him and my hands were covered with his blood. Like a curtain was lifted or some shit."

"God, I can still feel it on my fingers" he said as he gagged with memory.

Jerry winced as he pictured the beaten face that he'd seen, still with blood. He let out a long sigh. "Bobby, you aren't helping Jack by drowning in this dump. Come back to the house with me."

Bobby shook his head, the motions making him dizzy. "No, I just can't right now. 'Sides, Jack doesn't wanna see me. Fuck, I wouldn't wanna see me right now if I was him." He dropped his face into his hands, muffling his words.

"He hates me."

Jerry stood up. "That's bullshit and you know it."

After Bobby remained silent, still hiding his face, Jerry placed one hand on his shoulder. "At least let me help you back to your place then. You don't look so hot man."

Bobby struggled to get to his feet. "Jack always does" he muttered as he swiped one hand over his face. Jerry rolled his eyes and held back a snort of laughter.

"Uh huh, let's get some coffee into you Romeo" he said as he helped Bobby out of the bar. The other regulars gave a sigh of relief as the two left.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Pain & Love pt4

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.

oooo

Jack stared out the window of the car, wishing that he was a fly on the ceiling in the house right then. He sighed despondently as Angel pulled into the parking lot of the local pharmacy. He turned and gave Angel a pleading look.

"Can't I just wait in the car?" he asked.

Angel shook his head. "Sorry Jackie, you gotta come with me. 'Sides, the pharmacist will wanna talk to you."

Jack sat back heavily in his seat, the beginnings of a pout on his face. Angel laughed under his breath. "Sulk all ya want, you're still coming with."

With an annoyed sigh, Jack got out of the car, his arm cradled protectively against his chest. He winced as he banged it off the store door. Angel was right behind him then, grabbing the door.

"When are you gonna learn that sometimes you need help Jack?" Angel asked as Jack walked past him. Jack stiffened slightly. He turned and gave Angel a dirty look.

"I don't need your help to open a door Angel!" he snapped.

"With a busted arm you do, so shut your mouth brat," Angel chided affectionately.

"Nothing you can say that's gonna stop me from looking after you," he added a moment later.

Jack walked down the aisles; shoulders slumped over as they made their way to the counter. Angel ignored Jack's behavior. He understood why Jack was acting childish; it was a way to guard himself. Act bratty and the adults around you will leave you alone.

He smiled as he recalled how much of a snarky brat Jack could be when he was scared or nervous. The smile fell as he also recalled that the brat side of Jack was flimsy at best and that he could be hurt so easily by other's words, let alone their fists.

They stopped at the counter and waited for one of the pharmacists to notice them. After a moment or so of waiting, one of the pharmacists came over to get the prescriptions. Jack quickly grew bored of the conversation and went to sit on one of the uncomfortable chairs off to the side. He felt overly self-conscious of the sling around his arm and the splint on his nose. He was all too aware of how badly his face was bruised.

Jack practiced his scowl on the other curious customers who stared just a little too long at him. He smiled triumphantly when an old man who had been about to ask what happened, changed his mind at the nasty look Jack gave him.

'Bobby would have been proud', he thought with a grin.

Bobby.

Like a switch that been flipped, his smile vanished. He began to gnaw on his lower lip as he worried about what Evelyn must have been saying to him. He was afraid that in her efforts to help him, that things would only get worse. Jack feared exactly what it would take to push Bobby one step too far. He glanced down at his arm again. 'Not much', he thought sadly.

Jack sighed then. Angel rounded the corner and nodded at him. He dragged himself up and out of the chair, favoring his injured leg. The pharmacist spoke with Jack for a few moments, telling him how many pills to take at what specific times, and to call if he needed any refills. He hid a grin when he glanced at one of the bottles. 'Tylenol 3's hmm? My fave,' he thought.

Angel caught the stilted smile that almost appeared on Jack's face. He frowned darkly as it occurred to him that he might need to carefully monitor Jack's intake of the pills. It bothered him to think that Jack might abuse himself, as if what Bobby had been doing was not enough in some way.

He gently grabbed the bag from the pharmacist's hands and thanked him for his time. He pulled an unresisting Jack from the store. This time, Jack didn't object when Angel held the door open, he merely rolled his eyes. Once they were both in the car, Angel sat a moment before putting the key in the ignition. Jack raised an eyebrow carefully; his face was still quite swollen and tender.

"Angel?" he asked slowly.

Angel shook his head a second later, blinking quickly as he looked over at Jack.

"We going'?" Jack asked.

"Yeah I gotta pick up a couple of things. We'll stop by your apartment and pick up some of your stuff before we head back," Angel said.

Jack flushed lightly. "I thought I might just stay at the apartment. Wait for Bobby maybe."

Angel shook his head. "No. You're coming back to the house with me. We'll get some of your clothes and shit. That's it."

Jack glared out the window for a full minute before turning back to Angel, his eyes flashing with anger.

"I appreciate your concern Angel. I'm fine, and I've decided to stay at the apartment," he said quietly.

Angel gave him a grim smile. "You try that, and I'll carry you back to the house over my shoulder."

Jack winced as a sudden flash of memory flooded him. Bobby insisting on carrying him over the threshold of the doorway. Jack yelling to be let down, the heated kisses until Evelyn had interrupted them.

He closed his eyes tightly. "Fine" he said, his lips thinned in annoyance. Angel studied his face for a second, all the while wondering exactly how far he'd be able to wing it when it came to dealing with Jack and Bobby.

oooo

Angel took the silence between them to think over how to handle the situation. Angel had always prided himself on his keen observation skills. He knew all too well that poor judgments, snap decisions and a lack of observing what the problem was could cost you your life.

Now he watched Jack nervously tapping his good arm against his leg as the elevator slowly moved higher. Jack pulled his keys from his coat pocket, jingling them lightly as the elevator door opened. Angel watched Jack's carefully blank face with a practiced eye. He could see the signs of nervousness flowing through Jack's entire body.

Jack opened the door to his apartment, still silent, his footsteps unsure and discomfort clear on his face. "Uh, don't mind the mess huh?" he said, a false note of cheerfulness in his voice.

Angel surveyed the room in one quick glance. The apartment looked like it had been torn apart. Books and magazines torn into strips that littered the floor. The kitchen table overturned, one of the couch cushions with its stuffing ripped out. There were dishes smashed on the floor, porcelain shards everywhere. Jack made an odd sound when he saw that most of the pictures on the walls had been pulled down and smashed, the glass shards sticking up obscenely from the frames.

Angel was finding it difficult to breathe as he took in the evidence of Bobby's wrath. He wanted to scream, scream until he was sure that Bobby could hear it. He resumed watching Jack's face. He felt painfully unsure of what to say, if anything at all. Jack moved from room to room, taking in the damage. The bathroom was just as bad as the living room. Bottles smashed, holes punched in the walls along the hallway. Angel followed behind Jack as he headed into the bedroom. He was about to finally say something when he saw exactly why Jack had stopped dead in his tracks.

The bedroom was messy, clothes everywhere and more books tossed around, but the one thing that cut Jack to the core was what lay on the bed. Angel stepped out from behind Jack, any words he had been about to say, dried up and useless. He took one look at the bed and swore softly.

On the bed, was Jack's guitar. Or rather what was left of it. The guitar had been broken into several pieces, its strings snapped. Jack let out a small moan of distress as he dropped to his knees, heedless of the pain that shot up his left leg. He covered his face with one hand, soft keening sounds falling from his mouth.

Angel closed his eyes. The devastation on Jack's face was too much to take. He walked over to Jack and crouched beside him. He grabbed Jack and pulled him into a tight hug. Jack cried quietly, his sobs so pain filled that Angel felt sick. He rubbed Jack's back carefully, mindful of any possible bruises that might have been there.

"It's ok Jack. It's ok, don't cry Jackie. It'll be alright man," Angel muttered, swallowing over the sour lump in his throat. Jack shuddered then, his shoulders twitching as he attempted to slow his tears.

"Why?" he croaked softly into Angel's chest, still sniffling. Angel sighed deeply.

"I don't know, I wish I knew Jackie," Angel said.

"The one thing that matters the most besides him and he had to destroy it," Jack whimpered.

"C'mon Jack; let's get some of your stuff together for now. We'll come back another day, ok?" Angel said.

Jack nodded brokenly as he stood up, his breath hitching at the flare of pain in his leg. He limped over to the closet and pulled down one of the duffel bags. He let it fall to the ground, unable to go too close to the bed. Angel watched his slow movements before gently grasping Jack's elbow and guiding him over to the hallway.

"Just tell me what you want me to pack. I'll do it," he said quietly. Jack mouthed 'ok' and leaned heavily on the doorframe. He pointed to particular clothes on the floor; Angel scooped them up and piled them beside the bag. Angel folded the clothes neatly and placed them in the bag. Then he turned back to Jack.

"There anything else?" he asked.

Jack shook his head silently. Angel nodded once. He pulled an unresisting Jack towards the bathroom and told him to grab his toothbrush and hair stuff. Jack handed each item to Angel as though he were comatose. Angel supposed the shock of seeing the apartment in such a state had thrown Jack for a loop. He led him back downstairs, pausing only long enough to lock the door again and bring Jack back to the car.

Jack got into the car and promptly began to fall asleep in the passenger seat. Angel smiled as he watched Jack sleep out of the corner of his eye. He drove around town a bit, taking a little longer than strictly necessary to do his errands. The last thing he wanted to do was get back home before Evelyn was done speaking with Bobby.

oooo

Angel pulled into the driveway right as Evelyn drove up behind him. Angel gave her car a quick scan, double checking for any sign of Bobby. He frowned as he saw how exhausted Evelyn looked. He got out of his car, careful not to let the door slam and wake up Jack.

"Hey Ma" he said, his eyes roving back and forth as he checked the street. Evelyn gave him a weary smile. She rubbed one of her temples as though her head hurt.

"He's not here Angel. Don't worry; he's not going to pop up out of anywhere."

Angel snorted. "Never hurts to pay attention."

She looped arms with him as they walked back over to Angel's car. Evelyn peered into the window and sighed.

"How did it go?" she asked.

Angel held up the pharmacy bag. "Got the meds. We stopped at his place."

Evelyn locked eyes with Angel. "And…?" she said.

Angel looked down at the ground. He hesitated for a minute before shaking his head sadly.

"Bobby tore the place up pretty bad. He totaled it, I guess last night 'fore he got here. I grabbed some of Jack's stuff for now. I wasn't sure if he'd come back while we were there."

Evelyn leaned against the car door and rubbed her temples again. "Why do I get the disturbing feeling that you're not telling me everything?" she asked resignedly.

Angel glanced over at Jack's sleeping face. 'He looks so young' he thought wistfully.

"Bobby…he smashed Jack's guitar. Into several pieces," Angel muttered, his eyes dark and sad.

Evelyn gave a horrified gasp, one hand to her mouth in an instant. "No" she breathed.

"Is he ok?" she asked.

Angel nodded. "Yeah, he kinda went into shock I guess. Had to be led around. He fell asleep in the car soon after we left."

"Oh my…I never thought…I never even imagined that Bobby would do something like that," she said softly. Angel leaned against the car beside Evelyn and shrugged.

"I don't think he planned it, Ma. More like couldn't stop once he started" he said.

Evelyn looked inside the car again. Jack was whimpering in his sleep, his lips moving slowly. She opened the car door and began to reach for him. Jack's eyes shot open the second he felt a hand on his shoulder. Evelyn smiled at him, her gentle smile that always made Jack feel calm and relaxed when he saw it.

He winced as pain shot through his leg when he moved forward. "Inside now Jack. It's still far too cold out today" she said as he shuffled towards her.

Jack leaned heavily on Angel as they walked towards the door. He yawned then as the strain of the day caught up with him. Evelyn saw him begin to yawn a second time.

"No you don't Jackie. No sleep yet. We'll get some lunch into you, then your medication, and then you can sleep," she scolded lightly.

Jack gave her a small grin and nodded his head at her. "You got it."

Angel helped Jack into the nearest kitchen chair, sitting down with a worn out sigh on a chair of his own. Evelyn stayed busy by preparing far too much food for the three of them. Jack picked at his food with great disinterest, taking only the smallest bites of his sandwich. Evelyn and Angel exchanged several worried glances at the way Jack's face would cloud over every few moments, his eyes blank with memory.

They helped Jack upstairs and into his room. Evelyn shooed Angel out of the room as she tucked Jack in. She grabbed another blanket from the hallway and draped it over the bed.

"Mom, I'm ok really…no more blankets," Jack pleaded, squirming under the weight of all the blankets on his bed. He felt like there was a lead weight on his chest.

"I just worry about how cold it gets in here Jackie. I don't want you getting sick on top of everything else," she said as she handed him a glass of water to take with his pills.

Jack downed the water in seconds, his stomach rumbling in protest over the lack of food. Evelyn watched him far too closely for his liking as he relaxed back against the pillows. She stroked one hand through his hair, calming him immensely. When she thought that he was asleep, she made to get up.

Halfway to the door, she heard a sleepy whisper.

"Mom, where's Bobby gone?"

She turned around, a somewhat fake smile on her face. "I spoke with him like I said I would, and then we took a drive. He asked me to drop him off downtown."

Jack nodded as he yawned, his eyes half closed. "Oh"

Evelyn started to close the door behind her when she heard Jack's faint whisper.

"If he comes back tonight, tell him I understand."

She closed her eyes. Jack's empathy knew no bounds. "I will."

"Thanks."

Evelyn gently pulled the door shut. She walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. She bit her lip fiercely as the urge to cry hit her again. Jack would go on forgiving Bobby, no matter what he did to him. The very thought frightened her more than the knowledge of what Bobby was capable of doing.

oooo

Jerry struggled in vain not to laugh at Bobby as he staggered up the stairs to his apartment. He was afraid that if he started laughing, he wouldn't be able to stop, that his laughter would pass from mere mirth to hysterical. He sighed softly as Bobby tripped over yet another stair, listening to him make small grumbling sounds under his breath as he fell each time. Bobby had insisted on taking the stairs, despite the fact that he was so drunk, he couldn't stand up unassisted.

After much swearing and fumbling, they made it to the fifth floor, much to Jerry's relief. He wrestled the keys from Bobby with little more than a dirty look. Bobby swayed in the hallway, blissfully ignorant of the disgust in Jerry's eyes. He pushed the door open and stepped in, tugging Bobby behind him. He stumbled to a halt, his eyes wide with shock as he took in the disarray of the apartment.

The door banged shut, the sound reverberating around the room. Jerry winced as he looked around the living room, his breathing heavy with fear. He swirled around and grabbed Bobby's coat.

"What the hell did you do?" he asked, a heavy frown on his face.

Bobby blinked slowly. "Do?" he repeated. "To Jackie y'mean?"

Jerry shook him slightly. "No, you moron! Look around you! Look at the apartment!"

Bobby dragged his eyes around the room, the glazed look on his face fading fast as he took in the destruction before him. He grimaced when he saw the shards of glass sticking up from the pictures, the shelving unit that Jerry and Angel had struggled to put together lying sideways on the ground, the paper ripped up, the cushions gutted. He took one wobbly step back and blinked rapidly.

"What-what the fuck." he stuttered.

Jerry let go of his coat with an angry snort. "Did some redecorating before leaving to find Jack, hmm?"

Bobby started to shake his head 'no'. "I...I couldn't have."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Course not. Not you, Bobby Mercer. Not the 'Michigan Mauler'. He'd never do such a thing," he snapped, waving his fingers in quotes.

"Are you even in your own head when you do this shit or what?"

Bobby stepped forward, his hands reaching out blindly as he started to walk around the apartment. He moved from room to room, his stomach rebelling angrily as he saw the sheer amount of damage he had inflicted. He closed his eyes in shame as he passed the bathroom. He hesitated for just a moment before entering the bedroom.

"Please, please..." he muttered, his pleas falling from numb lips.

Jerry stood at his side, his hands tightening reflexively as he moved into the room. He saw more of the same mess, books, and clothing. Bobby stepped forward, one hand shakily coming up to his mouth as his eyes landed on the bed. He let out a low moan, his hand clenched tightly over his lips. Jerry leaned forward and felt the breath leave his lungs as he saw the bed for himself.

Upon seeing the destroyed guitar, Bobby felt the ground under him tilt dangerously. He swayed closer to the wall, a wave of hot panic swept over him. He shut his eyes tight as the memories of seeing Jack play swamped him. He remembered the night that he had come home late to find Jack strumming his guitar, his fingers barely moving, his eyes half open as he fought to stay awake, if only to see Bobby for a moment before falling asleep.

"Oh my god," Jerry said in a horrified whisper.

Bobby swallowed a sob as he clawed at the wall, struggling violently to stay upright. He took several weak steps to the bed, only to collapse beside it. He couldn't take his eyes off the mangled guitar.

"I...oh god...I didn't know...I didn't mean to..." he trailed off helplessly, his hands moving restlessly against the bedspread. Jerry walked carefully, his eyes still wide, his anger growing stronger.

"You don't even fuckin' know what this is gonna do to Jack," he said quietly.

Jerry gave a harsh laugh. "You know, I thought that it couldn't get much worse. But I was fuckin' wrong wasn't I? You not only beat the shit out of Jack, beat him to the point of death, you had to go and destroy the home you share together. And to top it off, just to make your point, you demolish the most precious thing that ever mattered to Jack!"

Bobby dropped his aching head in his hands and wept softly, so softly Jerry could barely hear it. He snorted. 'Oh yes, he's going to hear all I got to say' he thought with a dark grin.

"I didn't know...I wasn't thinking..." Bobby babbled.

"Shut up! Shut your fuckin' mouth!" Jerry shouted, spinning around to face Bobby again.

"You aren't giving me any excuses! You expect me to believe you? The things you did yesterday are almost unbearable. You disgust me!" he spat furiously.

Bobby was up on his feet in a mere second. He grabbed Jerry and pushed him into the wall, his chest heaving with anger and most of all, guilt.

"What? You gonna hit me too? Give me some of what Jack got? You get off on it huh?" Jerry taunted, his blood rushing in his ears. He could see the fury in Bobby's eyes but he was unable to stop talking.

"You go right ahead, beat the shit outta me right here, right fuckin' now, you sad excuse for a human. Just so you know though, I'm not Jack. I'll fight you back," he said, his upper lip still pulled up in a snarl.

Bobby pulled his fist back ready to smash it into Jerry's face. He felt a sharp pain in his head right at the moment he was about to let go of his control. 'Back away' his mind shouted frantically. He dropped Jerry and backed up, his breathing erratic.

"God," he gasped. He bent in half, his face white with pain, his eyes leaking even as he screamed then, a deep almost howl of agony. Jerry watched him for a moment, afraid to move too quickly. He pushed aside any guilty feelings about the words he'd said.

"I, I can't stop it...I...blink and, and it's like it's not me anymore," Bobby murmured brokenly.

"I snap and it's gone. He'll never love me now!" he moaned.

Jerry grabbed Bobby by the shoulders roughly. "Listen to me!" he snapped.

"Are you listening?" he asked impatiently. Bobby nodded once, his eyes swollen and red.

"Jack loves you, god only knows why he forgives you, but he'll never stop loving you. And this-.." he gestured to what was left of the guitar, "this he'll forgive. That's the kind of person he is Bobby. More than you deserve, but he'll understand. He may be furious at first, rightfully so, and you had better not expect any miracles. But Jack will go on loving you no matter how much it hurts."

"What do I do now?" Bobby asked quietly.

Jerry sighed and rubbed his forehead. His head throbbed with the stress of the situation.

"You gotta start somewhere Bobby. Start small. Start with a counselor."

Bobby glared at Jerry and opened his mouth to speak. Jerry gave him a warning glance.

"Ma can help in some ways, but you need a professional. Work through your issues, man, you just can't keep doing this shit. Make peace with yourself. Show Jack that when you say it won't happen anymore, that it really won't. Show him you love him," Jerry said.

Bobby nodded once more, his face so sad that Jerry felt a twinge of pity for him.

"I know you didn't want to hurt him but you have got to own up for what you're done," Jerry added. He pulled Bobby to him in a hug. He thought of Evelyn at that moment.

'Am I doing this right Ma?' he mumbled desolately.

Bobby made small snuffling sounds as he wiped his face with his hands. Jerry patted him once on the back, then let him go. Bobby stared at the floor, unable to meet Jerry's probing eyes.

Jerry glanced at his watch. "I gotta run man. I was supposed to pick up Camille 15 minutes ago."

Bobby shook his head. "Get outta here then," he said with a broken smile.

Jerry started to leave then hesitated. "You gonna be all right Bobby?"

Bobby waved his hand at him. "Go on, I won't do anything stupid."

Jerry chuckled. "Stupid in whose opinion?" He laughed then as he dodged a book that came flying towards him. He closed the door behind him, his mind still racing as he ran down the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Pain & Love part 5

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems. It is quite long and it's taken me a long time to get it to the point where I feel comfortable posting it. There is violence in this.

Pairing: Bobby/Jack

oooo

Bobby practiced sitting still, his face blank, expressionless while he waited. Underneath the composed and calm face, his insides were ripping apart. Panic and intense fear, feelings he thought not to show, were now making his stomach churn. 'This is a mistake,' he thought miserably.

After what seemed like an eternity, the receptionist ushered him into the doctor's room. Bobby nodded jerkily as he passed her. He still couldn't believe that he was actually walking into another shrink's office. He scanned the room with a practiced eye as he sat down. Mentally, he counted the degrees and diplomas on the wall.

Bobby slouched down in his chair, shoulders hunched defensively as the doctor walked into the room. She moved towards him, and stuck her hand out as she greeted him.

"Hello, Mr. Mercer. I'm glad to see you made it," she said as she shook his reluctant hand. She moved to sit down behind her oak desk. Bobby suppressed a shudder at the memory of all the previous forced visits to many different psychiatrists.

"I'm Dr. Maureen Kerman," she said. Bobby stared back at her, willing her to say something to piss him off so he'd have a good excuse to leave.

"I took the liberty of looking over your files from several of your other doctors, mainly to familiarize myself with your history. Before we start, is there anything you'd like to ask me?" she said, her folders spread out on her desk.

Bobby's mind was running a mile a minute. He thought of several nasty things that would no doubt infuriate the woman. A memory of Jerry's firm insistence that he saw this through pushed him to answer properly.

"Not really," he mumbled.

"Fine," she said crisply. "We both know why you're here Bobby; I won't patronize you with that particular question. What I would like to know, is why you've decided to seek help?"

Bobby shrugged awkwardly. 'Always with the thinking questions' he thought sourly.

"I did some things and it keeps happening," he said softly, his eyes studying the pattern of the carpet.

"What keeps happening?" Dr. Kerman asked quietly.

"You should know!" he blurted, equally anger at himself for getting riled up and at her for asking a stupid question.

Dr. Kerman adjusted the glasses that were perched on her thin nose. "Bobby, I am aware of the circumstances that led you to me. I have spoken with Evelyn, and she informed of some of the details that might be missing from your files. However, I will be asking you questions that you might not enjoy hearing or responding to. You are a grown man, and childish behavior will not get you out of this office," she said sternly.

Bobby struggled with the blush that wanted to flood his face. He sighed while massaging one side of his head. 'God, I knew I shouldn't have had that bottle of J.D last night,' he thought tiredly. He had polished off the entire bottle of whiskey the night before, in an attempt to push the images of Jack out of his mind.

"Sorry," he muttered sheepishly. "This isn't easy y'know."

Dr. Kerman's face softened a bit. "It's never easy, Bobby. For me to help you and Jack, I need you to speak honestly with me. No lies. And acting childish will not help you."

She stood up and walked over to the mini fridge beside one of the bookcases. She opened it and took out a bottle before pushing it closed with one heel. Bobby lifted his sore head as she came over to him and handed him a bottle of ginger ale.

"Here, this might help with your hangover," she said as she walked back to her desk.

'How did she...' Bobby stared at her, a confused look on his face.

"Yes, I'm aware that you are hung-over Bobby. You really must give me more credit than that. I've been working for this charity for twenty years now," Dr. Kerman said with just a trace of a smirk on her lips.

Bobby tilted the bottle to her in a cheer. He opened it and took a large gulp. It burned on the way down. Dr. Kerman waited patiently, allowing Bobby to finish half the bottle before she resumed speaking.

"As you were saying, something happens in you? Could you describe the feeling maybe?" she asked.

Bobby frowned. "It's like a warm, buzzing feeling in my hands. And it gets dark. Shit, I don't know, I lose myself, and when I blink it's over and Jack's..." he trailed off.

"I hurt him," he said quietly. "This time was the worst one."

Dr. Kerman nodded. "I heard the details from Evelyn. Do you ever stop to consider why you are so angry?"

Bobby stiffened. "I got my reasons," he snapped at her. She remained unruffled.

"I'm sure you do. Any examples?" she asked, her tilted slightly to the side.

"A fucked up childhood maybe? Hmm, how about the fact that no one actually gave two shits about me until Ma decided to keep me?" he snarled.

"God only knows why," he added a moment later.

Dr. Kerman studied Bobby silently. After a moment she blinked and made a quick note in her folder. "Evelyn was the first person to treat you kindly," she said.

"Yeah," Bobby replied. "No one ever cared about kids like me. Fuck 'em all, that's what I say."

"And why do you think Evelyn cares so much for you?" she asked.

Bobby blew out a breath. "I really don't know. She loves all the kids, wants to help them all. Even the ones that don't deserve it."

Dr. Kerman raised an eyebrow. "Do you think that you were one of those kids Bobby?"

"No!" he yelled. Bobby's face began to pale as the false lie echoed loudly in the room.

"Yes," he whispered. "Wastes her time on guys like me."

"I doubt Evelyn feels that way. You are her son, not by blood, but by love Bobby. That's something that you need to face," Dr. Kerman said as she sat back in her chair. She folded her arms loosely.

Bobby made a rude sound. He finished the rest of his ginger ale and suppressed a burp. He stared back at the doctor, wishing he knew what she was thinking. He sighed.

"Look, I know Ma loves me, and all that shit, for whatever reason. She tells me all the time that she loves all of us. I just think she tries too hard. You know what I mean?" he asked.

Dr. Kerman made a 'hmm' sound. "Spreads herself too thin? Is that it?" she said.

Bobby shrugged. "Guess so. My Ma's the hardest workin' lady in the area. And she helps so many people. I don't know. I don't know what I'm sayin'."

"Are you thinking that 'guys like you' are a problem for her?" she suggested gently.

Bobby pushed as hard as he could, but the red flush still made its way to his neck. "She never gave up on me, not even now. I think she might have been better off without havin' me around to fuck things up. She's always there, tryin' to save my ass from myself," he mumbled.

Dr. Kerman consulted her notes again. "I see here that you came into Evelyn's care when you were 13. What was it like for you?"

Bobby rubbed one hand wearily over his face. "Man, it was somethin' else."

Dr. Kerman waited silently. Bobby sighed again. "You gotta see it from a fuck up like me. She's kind without over doing it, thoughtful and smart. She has a way of making you feel like you've always been there, makes you feel like none of the bad shit ever happened, like maybe you just dreamed all the pain up."

"I tried to hurt her, show her how badly she messed up takin' me in. It didn't work" he said with a grim smile.

"She loved me, even if I didn't want her to. Then she brought home other guys, guys just as fucked as me. And it worked, don't know how, but it worked. And then, then she brought Jack," Bobby stopped talking for a moment.

He swallowed hard. Dr. Kerman waited a beat before speaking. "Tell me about Jack," she said.

"Jack's…" he stumbled a bit, his throat still thick. "He brings out the urge to protect him. He's taller than me for fuck's sake, and I still get this urge to scoop him up somehow and keep him safe. I saw him that first day, and I felt all itchy inside. It took me six years before I could face the fact that the love I had for him was more than the brotherly type."

Dr. Kerman nodded encouragingly. Bobby glanced over at her, hidden fear emerging on his face.

"It kinda messed me up, y'know, Jack's my brother and all, well not my real brother but, uh…" he stuttered.

Dr. Kerman smiled reassuringly at him. "It's alright Bobby, I'm not here to judge you. Your relationship with Jack is not wrong or dirty. Never mind those who think otherwise."

Bobby shrugged uncomfortably. "It ain't wrong to me; it's just hard to explain ok?"

"I know, Bobby. Please continue," she said.

"Jack is so…" he trailed off. He mumbled something inaudible.

"Pardon?" she asked with a small grin on her face.

"He's beautiful," Bobby said softly. Dr. Kerman smiled at him.

They talked for a few more minutes, until Dr. Kerman glanced at her watch.

"I'm sorry Bobby, but our time is almost up for today. Thank you again for being so prompt. I'll have Brenda arrange another appointment for you," she said.

Bobby stifled a groan. He'd known that he'd have to come back, but hearing it made it all the more depressing. He stood up and waited for the doctor.

"I believe we actually made some headway today. For now, I'd like you to focus on controlling your breathing when you feel upset. I see that this has been recommended to you before," Dr. Kerman looked over her glasses at Bobby, making him feel like a child in the principal's office again.

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, I've heard that one before," he said warily.

"Good. I'd like you to try doing some simple breathing exercises whenever you feel your temper rising. Brenda will have the print-outs for you," Dr. Kerman said as they walked to the door.

"I'll see you in a few days," she said. Bobby waved half-heartedly as he went over to the reception desk, his mind running ahead of him once again. He still had the disaster of the apartment to clean.

oooo

Bobby stared. The apartment seemed so...destroyed. He shook his head sadly. Even with the destruction in front of him, Bobby still found it hard to believe that he'd been so out of control. He sat down heavily on the relatively unharmed couch with a sigh. He could only stare at the mess he'd created. His eyelids heavy, he slid down the couch until he was lying down lengthwise. As he slipped off to sleep, he thought of Jack, and of Dr. Kerman's patient questions.

Some time later, Bobby was startled out of a deep sleep by the sound of an apartment door slamming shut. He jerked his head up, blinking rapidly in the darkness of the room. Squinting, he saw Evelyn step towards him. He swallowed dryly as the long buried need to grab his mother and cry surged forward.

Evelyn stood rigidly in the room, her breathing even and calm, her eyes cool and face relaxed. Bobby tensed slightly when she opened her mouth to speak. He wanted to turn away, to cover his ears rather than face her right then.

"I spoke with Angel yesterday. While we were out together, I had him pick up Jack's prescriptions and run a few errands. When I met with him again, he told me that you had gone on a rampage," she said, disappointment heavy in her voice.

Evelyn glanced around the room, taking in the broken glass, the torn books, shattered plates. She turned back to Bobby, her face serious. Bobby made to stand up. Evelyn stopped him, merely by the sadness in her eyes.

"I didn't want to believe him. I knew it must be true, and yet there I was instinctively rejecting the truth," she said.

"I know you're seeing Maureen. I'm very proud of you for going through with the counseling," she added as she stepped closer to Bobby.

Bobby shrugged. "Jerry convinced me that I need it. No reason to be proud, Ma."

Evelyn sat down beside Bobby and gently pulled one of his reluctant hands into her lap. She wrapped her small hand around his and stroked the skin by his wrist. Bobby shuddered as the familiar soothing motion brought forth the memory of the first time that he'd been actually expelled from a school, rather than just suspended. That night, Bobby had set fire to his textbooks in a rage, almost burning down his bedroom and himself before Angel had broken the door down in time.

That evening, Evelyn had pulled Bobby close, stroked his rough hands and held him tight as he fought against her, fought the comfort that she offered. In the end, he'd given up the instinctive desire to hurt her and had taken the love that she gave. Bobby swallowed against the heavy lump in his throat as her simple presence brought down his walls.

"Oh, Bobby," she said as he made a strained sound. Bobby shuddered hard again as he felt the tears burn his eyes, as the urge to throw himself at her and just let her love wash over him grew stronger.

He sniffed hard, his fingers shaking slightly. "I need help Ma. Dr. Kerman's ok, I guess. She's kinda like you," he mumbled.

Evelyn nodded. "Good. She's had plenty of experience. We've worked together for a long time. She helped me when I needed it the most."

Bobby blinked back a few tears that were close to escaping. "What? What happened to you?"

Evelyn sighed quietly. She looked down at their clasped hands for a moment before she caught Bobby's eyes again.

"Maureen and I knew each other from the hospital. She was volunteering, and...I was a patient," she said.

Bobby's eyes widened. "Why were you...a patient?" he stumbled over his words.

Evelyn looked away for a moment, seemingly staring off at nothing. She began to speak again.

"I was very much in love with a young man many years ago. We were engaged for about six months before I caught the first glimpse of what he was capable of. Imagine my surprise when I saw him explode on me for the first time," she chuckled darkly.

"Right before my very eyes, he'd changed into someone that I didn't recognize. A screaming, raging manic who'd become dangerous and unstable at the slightest thing. I was so afraid, terribly afraid. And yet, I just couldn't leave him," Evelyn said calmly.

Bobby's left hand began to tingle. He looked down in alarm to see himself forming a fist. The tingle spread up his arm, and he felt the familiar hot flash as his anger grew. 'Someone hurt my mother,' his mind chanted.

Bobby began to gasp as his chest tightened. He struggled to pull his hands loose from Evelyn's grip.

"Bobby!" he distantly heard a voice yell by his ear. He reared back, his whole body shaking with need to hurt, to inflict pain, to kill.

Bobby twitched as his mother's face swam back into focus in front of him, her face pale with worry. He sat down, his legs giving out from under him. He dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking faintly.

Evelyn pulled Bobby to her and held him tightly. He fought at first, pulling back, mumbling angrily. She ignored the protests and held him close, humming gently in a way that had never failed to comfort any of her boys. Bobby rested against her, his body tense with anger as he felt her hands skim over his head soothingly, smoothing his hair. They sat in silence for a few moments before Bobby had relaxed slightly.

"I did leave him eventually. I ended up in the hospital one night, after he had come over to surprise me for my birthday. We quarreled over something small, I can hardly remember after all these years what the fight was about now. He snapped, and when I woke up, I was in the intensive care unit," she said, starting her story as though they hadn't been interrupted.

"During my stay I met Maureen. She helped me through the worst of the first few days. She never gave up, and I really do believe that it's because of her that I was able to move on," Evelyn said with a sad smile.

Bobby sighed. "How can you be so calm? He hurt you!" he growled as the rage rose briefly.

"What's done is done Bobby. He was killed in a bar fight about ten years ago," Evelyn murmured.

"I let go of my own anger at him and at myself a long time ago," she added.

Bobby blinked. "Why would you be angry at yourself?" he asked.

"Oh, many things. I was angry for not realizing just what kind of person he was. All the signs were there, I just didn't want to see them. And for the fact that even when he hurt me a few times before my hospital stay, that I didn't face the facts, and leave. I loved him too much to go, and I thought that love was enough, that maybe if I loved him enough, that he would change," Evelyn said.

She ran her hands over his shoulders, a calming gesture that he recognized from when he was still an angry young teen. Bobby felt a stab of guilt in his chest as he realized how much he had in common with his mother's abuser.

"I'm a monster," he said softly. The guilty feeling exploded. Bobby felt like someone was sitting on his throat.

Evelyn shook her head. "You're not a monster Bobby. You do have a problem, and you're trying hard to help change what you've become. That's so important and it's why I'm so proud of you. The only way to heal is to deal with this head on."

Bobby wiped a stray tear away from his eye. He kept seeing visions of Jack cowering from him. As his mother hummed to him in the middle of the destroyed apartment, he vowed firmly to himself that he would succeed, that he would never let his anger get the better of him.

oooo

Evelyn and Bobby sat together on the couch for some time, both absorbing the strained silence and unspoken words. After what seemed like an eternity, Evelyn stood up and glanced around the apartment. She faced Bobby with a faint smile.

"Well, the first thing we need to do is get this apartment back into shape," she said.

Bobby winced at the looming mess, mentally tallying up the number of things that he would need to replace. He said helplessly, "I don't even know where to start Ma."

Evelyn nodded. It did seem overwhelming. She pulled one of his hands, gesturing for him to follow her. Bobby got to his feet reluctantly. "First things first, we'll gather some bags for sorting, and a box for the broken items. Where do you keep your garbage bags?" she asked as she walked to the kitchen, sidestepping the shelving unit on the floor.

Bobby rubbed his neck thoughtfully. "I think Jack keeps them in the hall closet or maybe in one of the drawers beside the stove."

Evelyn rifled through the drawers, noting how organized everything was. 'Looks like my years of teaching Jack to be neat in the kitchen paid off,' she thought with a touch of pride.

She found the garbage bags in the last drawer, neatly stacked with twist-ties beside them. Evelyn tossed two bags at Bobby before closing the drawer. "Here, one's for paper, the others for garbage in general."

Bobby followed behind her as she moved back into the living room where the worst of the damage was. She surveyed the room then pointed to the mess of magazines and books on the floor.

"You can start by sorting out the magazines and picking up all the loose papers. Try to keep things separate," she said. "I'll start with the bathroom."

Bobby picked up the loose papers and sorted it into two piles, one of ripped books, the other a stack of Jack's writings and lyrics, music notes and whatnot. A feeling of immense relief began to wash over Bobby as he cleared the floor of the debris. After he straightened the couch and chair to their normal positions, he then picked up some of the shards of glass from the pictures frames. He stopped for a moment, hearing a faint sound from the bathroom.

He listened hard, only to realize that Evelyn was humming under her breath while she cleaned the bathroom. Bobby ignored the prickles of guilt that he felt and continued picking up the broken glass carefully. He next began to sort the pictures that been ripped from their frames. Bobby gave a silent prayer of thanks that in his rage he had not destroyed the pictures themselves. He piled them on the table beside all the papers, going through the photos one by one.

He smiled grimly at the memories that each picture gave him. The broken frames went into the bags. Finally the living room was looking much more like normal. Bobby went in search for the broom to sweep up the remaining glass. As he came back with the broom in hand, Evelyn came out of the bathroom, pulling her rubber gloves off.

She looked around the room before smiling warmly at Bobby. "This looks wonderful Bobby. Hmm, still need to fix that bookshelf though. Here let me help you," she said as she went to the other side of the bookcase that Bobby was lifting. Together they raised it and propped it back against the wall. It looked so empty. Bobby sighed sadly before putting some of the unharmed books back on the shelves.

Evelyn pulled him close and gave him a quick hug. "It's alright Bobby. You're doing just fine. Now, I've cleaned the bathroom completely top to bottom. We'll need to pick up some drywall mix, and some new picture frames but other than that, the apartment is already looking better."

Bobby shrugged. "Still got the bedroom and kitchen though," he muttered.

"Well I'll take care of the kitchen. Why don't you pick up all the clothes from the bedroom while I do that?" she said gently before nudging him towards the hall.

Bobby walked to the room like his feet were made from lead. The bedroom was the last place that he wanted to be. He knew what was waiting. He opened the door slowly, all the while chiding himself for being scared.

'Ooh big man now aren't ya? Face up to your shit, you did it, and you know it, whatcha scared of, eh tough guy?' his inner voice mocked him ruthlessly.

"Shut up," he whispered harshly, forcing himself to step into the room. The broken guitar lay on the bed accusingly. Bobby tore his eyes away from it, turned his back to the bed and began picking up the clothes.

He hung the shirts back up; inhaling lightly as he reverently placed each of Jack's shirts back on the closet rack. Bobby would never admit out loud that he loved the way Jack's particular scent always clung to his clothing even after being washed.

With all the clothes hung up, Bobby continued to avoid looking at the bed. He picked up the remaining magazines and notebooks, sorting them quickly before bringing them over to the small white bookshelf in the corner. Finally, there was nothing else left but the bed. He turned to face it, a cold sweat breaking out on his face and neck.

Bobby swallowed roughly as he stepped closer to the bed. He could hear Jerry's accusing words echoing in his head, could see the memory of Jack shyly playing a song that he had written just for Bobby. He clutched his head in agony as his headache doubled in pain. He groaned loudly before sitting on the bed.

Evelyn stepped into the room, her arms folded as she leaned against the doorframe. She gazed at the room, nodding in satisfaction at the clean floor. She eyed the guitar on the bed.

"Bobby?" she called out quietly.

He lifted his head slightly wincing as the pain increased the moment he moved. "Yeah Ma?"

"I've finished the kitchen. Everything's sorted and organized. Would you like to come with me?" she asked.

"To where?" he asked, hating the sound of worry in his voice.

"To the house," she said. "For dinner," she added a moment later.

Bobby's mouth hung open. Feeling foolish, he closed it with a snap. "To the house. Your house?" he stuttered.

Evelyn looked over at Bobby and slowly nodded her head. "Yes to the house. I'd like you to join us for dinner."

"But Jack, and...what?" he said, groping for the right words. "I'm confused."

"I know you want to see him, I can understand. But it will be on my terms Bobby, remember that. I love you both, and I want you to be there tonight. The healing has to start somewhere. Now, I want you to go take a shower, and try to relax," she said firmly.

Bobby stared at his feet. "Alright," he agreed in a small voice. Evelyn suppressed a sigh as Bobby walked by her. He seemed so different than usual, so empty of his usual bravado and sneer. A part of her missed the old Bobby.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Pain & Love part 6

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems. It is quite long and it's taken me a long time to get it to the point where I feel comfortable posting it. There is violence in this.

Pairing: Bobby/Jack

oooo

Bobby stood in the shower, the water running over his head unnoticed as he stared at the drain. He could still faintly hear his mother's humming from the living room. He jumped a bit when she opened the door to the bathroom.

"Alright Bobby, speed it up now. I've got a meatloaf in the oven at home and I don't entirely trust Angel not to burn it," she said as she tossed a towel on the sink.

Bobby nodded once before realizing that she couldn't see his nod from behind the curtain. "Yeah, sure Ma," he said, his voice rough and ragged.

Evelyn closed the door behind her gently and returned to the living room. Bobby leaned against the shower wall and held his head with one hand. "I'm not ready for this," he said quietly.

Within a few minutes, Bobby was standing in front of his closet, still clad in a towel, a slightly panicked look on his face. He blinked at the water droplets that ran down his face from his wet hair while he tried to figure out if he should be dressing nicer than usual.

As if sensing his confusion, Evelyn appeared at the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. "Anything you want to wear will be fine," she said, doing her best not to laugh at the scowl that was now on Bobby's face.

Bobby huffed with annoyance. "I know, it's just...ah the hell with it," he grumbled as he grabbed a handful of clothes from the closet, the hangers falling to the ground with a muted clatter. He dropped the clothes on the bed and stared moodily out the bedroom window.

"I'm so nervous Ma," he whispered.

Evelyn walked up behind him, her footsteps quiet and light. "It's never easy, but you have to do what you can to repair the damage," she said.

Bobby swallowed awkwardly. "You make it sound so easy," he said, traces of bitterness in his voice.

Evelyn stretched up on her toes and brushed some of Bobby's wet hair off to the side. "Easy is relative, son. Doing what's right is important. And right now, the most important thing is that you and Jack speak to each other. Don't put it off just because you're afraid," she said soothingly.

Bobby looked down before nodding in agreement. "I'm just gonna get dressed now," he said.

Evelyn smiled at Bobby as she left the room. Bobby dressed in silence, his heart beating far too loudly for his liking. The car ride over was more nerve-wracking than Bobby could have imagined. His hands were clammy, his mouth dry, and he couldn't seem to keep his leg from jumping slightly from nerves. Bobby felt deeply ashamed of how scared he was. All his life, he'd gone out of his way to show to everyone that he was tough; that he could handle anything that life threw at him. And now, he was terrified of seeing the family, fuck it, of seeing Jack. All his bravado, his toughness, his ability to think on his feet and roll with the punches had fled him. All that was left was his wildly swinging emotions and fear that ran bone deep.

Evelyn filled the silence of the car with idle chitchat about the Jerry's girls, about the neighbor's cat, about everything else besides Jack, though Bobby was desperate to ask how he was.

They pulled into the driveway. Evelyn turned the key off in the ignition, the ticking of the engine echoing in Bobby's ears. She turned to him and studied the look on his face.

"Come on, no one's going to bite you," she said softly, an understanding look to her eyes.

Bobby chuckled nervously, the sound hollow and empty. They walked up the concrete stairs, each of his footsteps dragging heavily. Evelyn opened the door and Bobby breathed out shallowly as they went inside. Bobby felt a thick tension fill the air as he walked into the living room. Jerry had been flipping through a magazine, skimming the pages idly. Angel had been watching the television with half an eye on it.

Bobby noted that Jack was not in the room. He turned to ask Evelyn when he heard several halting footsteps on the stairs. He stepped out of the living room, his heart racing so hard he could have sworn that Ma could hear it across the room.

Jack slowly made his way down the stairs, still gently favoring his leg, his arm bound in its sling. His bruises had faded to a faint purples and yellows, some completely gone, others like his eyes, were fading slower. Bobby felt his breath catch as Jack stood on the last stair. The same messy hair greeted him, the same endless blue of his eyes. Bobby could feel the magnetic pull he got whenever he was around Jack.

"Jack," Bobby breathed lowly.

Jack bit down sharply on the inside of his cheek. His lower lip wanted to tremble. He stepped off the last stair and stood in front of Bobby. He smiled faintly, feeling a confusing rush of love and anger all at once.

"Bobby," he said quietly.

Bobby swallowed audibly. "Jackie," he whispered as his hand rose from his side and gently caressed Jack's cheek, mimicking their movements from a few days past.

Jack closed his eyes. This close, he could smell Bobby, could see the haunted look in his eyes. He let go of a small piece of anger as he saw how hard Bobby was trying. Bobby was shaking with the desire to grab Jack and never let go. They locked eyes, an unspoken conversation that blocked everyone else out.

"Ahem," Evelyn cleared her throat slightly. Both Jack and Bobby took a step back, their silent words falling away.

"The meatloaf should be ready about now," she said.

Bobby's mouth worked soundlessly for a second before he managed to stutter "s-sounds good."

He glanced back at Jack, feeling a small wave of guilt. The bruises, though somewhat faded, still existed, each one a painful reminder of what he had done. Jack moved past him, still limping enough to be noticeable. Bobby winced as the memory of him delivering a vicious kick to Jack's leg flashed repeatedly.

He pushed the image off to the side and walked to the dining room, breathing slowly and deeply, recalling the exercises that Dr. Kerman had given him. Angel sat down beside Jack, his dark eyes on Bobby, a distrustful glint that stung him more that would have liked to admit.

Bobby went to sit down across from Jack, only to have Jerry nudge him over to the other side. He suppressed an annoyed sigh as he sat down across from Angel and stared at his plate, if only to avoid facing Angel, and his angry glares. Evelyn brought the platter out from the kitchen and set it down in the middle of the table. She sat down and looked around the table, feeling slightly discomforted by the heavy silence in the room.

"Bobby would you like to say grace?" she asked.

He nodded stiffly. "Course, Ma."

They stood and held hands as Bobby spoke, his voice low and steady. A moment later, Evelyn began serving the slices of meatloaf. She asked simple questions, slowly drawing each of her boys out of the grim silence, keeping one eye on Jack at all times as he pushed the food around on his plate. When dinner came to an end, she asked Bobby to help her with the dishes, sending Angel and Jack out to the living room to watch TV. Jerry kissed her good-bye and left, rolling his shoulders to ease the tension.

Bobby clumsily dried the plates, his mind drifting while Evelyn washed the dishes. After a few minutes, Evelyn placed one hand on Bobby's shoulder, nudging him subtly.

"Bobby?" she said.

Bobby reluctantly met her gaze. "Yeah, Ma?" he said carefully.

"I'm hoping that you'll speak to Jack tonight," she started to say.

Bobby shook his head. "Ma, I…" he tried to say.

Evelyn smiled sadly. "I know Bobby, believe me I know. It's going to be ok. Please go easy though. He's still nervous, a little jumpy even. Give him time."

Bobby put the plate he'd been drying down and backed up. "I, I will…I just need a smoke first," he said. Evelyn nodded and continued washing the dishes. Bobby walked out into the backyard, letting the screen door slam softly behind him.

Bobby reached with one hand for his cigarettes while he walked over to the warped picnic table in the middle of the yard. Inwardly he was annoyed with how much he'd been smoking lately. He smiled while he lit his cigarette, remembering all the times that he had caught Jack smoking when he was younger, of how embarrassed Jack seemingly always was whenever he was caught. He inhaled deeply, feeling lightheaded as his nerves tried to get the best of him. He forcefully pushed his fear down, trampling on it ruthlessly.

He inhaled and blew out slowly, watching the streams of smoke dance on the wind, letting his mind wander on different things, reflecting on the way the apartment looked now, skipping over the fact that he still needed to fix the holes that he had punched into the wall. Bobby cringed at the memory, hating himself as he cringed.

He felt like a weak fool, and thus he hated himself all the more for it, viciously reminding himself every so often. The past few days, days of pain, and fear, and of love had worn him down. It had taken him two days to get to point where he had gone to see Dr. Kerman. And in those two days, he hadn't called or tried to speak to Jack.

Bobby snuffed out his cigarette butt with a snort. 'Not that Ma hadn't seen right through that,' his mental voice chimed in.

Bobby sighed softly. He was just plain thankful that his coach had let him take a few weeks off. His coach hadn't asked for details, had only looked at his face for a moment before nodding slowly and agreeing that maybe taking some time off would be a good idea. The season was already almost over, and not that the coach would admit it, but not having Bobby on the ice might not be such a bad thing.

Bobby sat on the table for a few minutes pushing his fear down, swallowing over the bitter lump in his throat. He was deeply afraid of facing his family, afraid to look them in the eyes, of seeing the looks of disgust that were sure to be on their faces.

'They're afraid of me,' he thought sadly. 'If you had some self-control, they wouldn't be,' his inner voice sneered at him.

ooo

Jack stood at the screen door in the kitchen and watched Bobby smoke restlessly on the picnic table. He fingered one corner of his sling as he debated whether or not he should go outside.

"He's afraid to talk to you, Jackie," his mother's voice said near his ear. Jack nodded.

"Go talk to him," she said. Jack sighed. Evelyn looked out and watched Bobby hunch over further as he stubbed out his cigarette. "He loves you so much, Jackie. He's just as afraid as you are."

Jack bit his lip thoughtfully. "I don't know what to say Mom."

"Just say whatever your heart tells you," she said wisely. Jack smiled as he hugged her with his good arm impulsively.

Evelyn smiled in surprise at the hug. She patted his back until he stepped back, grinning sheepishly. "Go see him," she said as she gently pushed him closer to the door.

Jack stepped outside, his footsteps echoing softly off the hard ground. Bobby jerked his head around quickly, his eyes wide with surprise. He scooted off the table and stood, his breath puffing in the evening air.

"Jack…what are you doin' out here?" he said.

Jack walked closer, trying not to shiver in the cold air. "I wanted to talk to you."

Bobby frowned. "Where's your coat?" he asked.

Jack shrugged. "Inside," he said. Bobby sighed. "The last thing you need is to be outside in the damn cold without your coat," he growled while he pulled off his battered leather jacket.

He draped it over Jack's shoulders and grunted in approval as Jack clutched it tightly. Jack discretely inhaled as Bobby's scent drifted from his coat, a mixture of smoke, and spice and the lingering scent of leather.

They looked at each other in silence, each nervous to be the first to speak. Finally, Jack sat down on the edge of the picnic table as he began to speak. "So, how've you been?" he asked hesitantly, inwardly wincing at the words.

Bobby attempted a shrug. "Been better," he said.

Jack nodded. "Right, uh so have you uh…been to practice?"

Bobby kicked at the ground. "Yeah, they let me take some time off."

Jack made a small 'hmm' sound. They stood in silence for another minute before Bobby sighed loudly and sat beside Jack on the picnic table. He sat stiffly next to Jack and stared down at his hands.

"Jack, I, oh god, this is harder than I thought it would be," he muttered. "Fuck."

Jack looked at the ground, avoiding Bobby's eyes. He shivered again as the wind blew again, rustling the tree branches nearby. He pulled Bobby's coat closer as he waited for him to speak again.

"I know I've said it before, but you gotta believe me Jackie. I'm so sorry," he said in an anguished whisper.

Jack closed his eyes. He swallowed dryly.

"Jack?" Bobby asked cautiously. "Jackie? You're worryin' me here."

Jack spoke in a low voice, his words carrying on the wind. "I know you're sorry Bobby. You always are."

Bobby gave a strangled sob. "Jack…"

Jack shook his head. "I always thought you'd be the one who'd save me. Keep me safe from everyone else. And you know what hurts the most? The fact that you hit me more than anyone else ever did," he said, his voice harsh but quiet.

Bobby reached over and griped Jack's good hand. "I can't, I don't have the right to ask you to say you forgive me, but I swear I will spend the rest of my life makin' it up to you," he said.

Jack blinked fiercely. Hot tears prickled under his eyelids. "I want to believe you so badly Bobby."

"I'm doin' what I can to change. I'm going to therapy now. Ma recommended me to a friend of hers," Bobby said. He felt the first stirrings of hope swell in his chest.

Jack blinked as a tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. "I'm…glad to hear that," he said. "Is she okay?"

Bobby blew out a quick breath. "Yeah, surprisingly. She's kinda like Ma. Doesn't take shit and all that. I go every other day and we talk. I have to go in another day or so," he said.

Bobby rubbed the side of his thumb against Jack's palm, calming him immensely. Jack shifted closer to Bobby, coming to a rest beside him. Bobby felt his heart rate speed up as Jack moved closer. After a moment, Jack leaned against him and rested his head against Bobby's side. He draped one arm around Jack hugging him tightly. For just a moment, he could forget everything that had happened and pretend that they were just sitting outside in the evening air together.

"Did I ever tell you when I realized that I loved you?" Bobby asked softly.

Jack shook his head. Bobby smiled faintly then. "The day you came to the house, hiding behind Ma's legs, all that messy hair, those big eyes of yours and I just wanted to hide you away. I wanted to keep you away from everyone else."

"Then one day, I guess you were maybe 16 or so," he continued, "I saw you sittin' on this table and you were starin' off into space with that damned notebook that you carried everywhere. I saw you and the way the sun hit your face, and you just looked so happy, fuck, even peaceful. And I saw that and I wanted to do that. Make you feel that just by being with me."

Jack smiled then as he sniffled. "I still have that book."

Bobby grinned slightly. "I know." He wiped at his eyes, lost in the memory of that day, the day that he'd decided that he loved Jack, maybe more than he should have.

"It scared me y'know, knowing that I loved you like that," Bobby said quietly.

Jack blinked. "Really? Why?" he asked, surprised a bit. As far as he knew, Bobby wasn't scared of anything.

Bobby sighed. "I don't know. I guess I was scared of what Ma might say. Worried that she might hate me for wantin' to touch my baby brother. Worried that she might think I was a pervert. Shit, Jackie. I had always loved all you guys but when I looked at you from that day onward, I felt like I was fallin' day after day. And worst of all, I was scared shitless of tellin' you and what if you didn't want me? Then what?"

Jack shifted his body until he was looking right at Bobby, their faces mere inches apart. Bobby felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, could feel the faintest whisper of Jack's breath on him and as they stared at each other, Jack closed the distance and pressed his mouth to Bobby's.

It was heaven. Bobby wrapped his arms around Jack and yanked him close, mindful of Jack's arm. He gasped against Jack's mouth, his skin tingling, his heart beating so fast he feared it might burst, his mouth opening as he hungrily kissed back, wanting the moment to last for forever. Jack moaned as he kissed Bobby again, licking his upper lip, nipping at the lower and bringing one hand up to Bobby's hair and pulling him close, drowning in the heat of his kiss.

Bobby pulled back, breathing hard, his lips buzzing, his head spinning. Jack looked up at him through his eyelashes, a look that had Bobby hardening mercilessly. Jack licked his lips absently, his eyes still locked on Bobby's.

"I love you Jack. And I swear it, I will do whatever you want, whatever you think I should do to show you," Bobby vowed, his eyes never leaving Jack's.

Jack kissed Bobby lightly on the mouth. "We still have a long way to go Bobby."

"I know. And I do know it's hard. But I'm not letting you go without a fight. I'll spend the rest of my proving it," he said.

Jack settled back against him, both content to sit in silence, until Evelyn came out and gently reminded Jack that he needed to take his medication. Jack stood up, reluctant to leave Bobby's embrace. He handed Bobby's coat back with a small grin.

Bobby kissed him quickly before shooing him inside. He turned to face Evelyn, a faint touch of red to his cheeks.

"I trust things went well?" Evelyn said, a small smile on her face.

Bobby stared at the house as he watched Jack go indoors. "It's not perfect yet. We got a ways to go. I'm gonna show him that it's different now."

Evelyn hugged him and laughed softly. "I know you'll do the right thing."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Pain & Love part 7

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems. It is quite long and it's taken me a long time to get it to the point where I feel comfortable posting it. There is violence in this.

Warning: Medium amount of slash in the second scene.

Pairing: Bobby/Jack

000

Bobby flipped through the newspaper in the waiting room, holding back another sigh. He dropped the paper on the table beside him and held his head. He smiled faintly to himself as he let the memory of kissing Jack the night before fill his mind. The memory soothed him, eased the pain of knowing what he'd done in the first place.

"Mr. Mercer?" the receptionist called, breaking the stillness of the room.

"Right here," he said. "Go on in, she'll be there in just a moment," she said.

Bobby walked into room, breathing slowly. The whole office still made him uneasy, the memories of too many other doctors' crowding him. He sat in the same chair as before, unable to keep himself from tensing up when the doctor walked into the room.

"Bobby, I apologize for the wait. I was held up in traffic," Dr. Kerman said as she strode over to her desk before flipping open one of her folders and sitting down.

Bobby shrugged. "S'alright. I got all day," he said.

Dr. Kerman waved her hand. "Regardless, I feel the need to apologize. I prefer to be prompt. Aside from that, how have you been Bobby?"

"I'm doing alright. Ma helped me clean the apartment up and dragged me to her house for dinner," he said quietly. A second later he cringed slightly. Did she know about the apartment?

Dr. Kerman nodded as she wrote in her folder. "And how was the cleaning?" she asked.

"Uh...after the fight, when Jack left, I kinda tore it up a bit," he admitted.

"And...Ma helped me clean," he added a moment later. He lowered his eyes to the floor.

Dr. Kerman put her pen down. "It was very nice of Evelyn to help you. I'm sure it helped her as well," she said.

Bobby blinked in confusion. "Why would it help her?" he asked, frowning slightly.

Dr. Kerman sat silently for a moment before speaking. "Resolution perhaps? Evelyn is at her most content when helping others heal themselves. For her, it is a necessary need. She wants to help you."

Bobby sighed softly. "She's always doin' stuff like that," he said.

"It's something that Evelyn does," Dr. Kerman said. "She loves you Bobby, you know that."

Bobby nodded wearily. "I know. I just don't get it sometimes. I'm just like...him," he whispered.

Dr. Kerman watched Bobby shudder. "Just like whom?" she asked.

"My dad, like Ma's boyfriend, like every fuckin' monster out there," he said, his voice full of self-loathing.

"You are not a monster Bobby," Dr. Kerman said sternly. Bobby gave a dry laugh.

"Uh huh. Sure. Cause y'know beating on people is so normal," he snapped.

Dr. Kerman stared at him. "I admit it's not something most people would do, but that hardly makes you qualify as a monster. Do you enjoy hurting others?"

Bobby paled, his hands began to tremble. "No," he breathed. "But, once I..." he trailed off, his stomach heaving.

Dr. Kerman waited patiently. Bobby breathed out slowly before speaking again.

"The last time I...hit Jack," he said, his voice thick, "I lost my control."

"I was hitting him and...and I grabbed his arm and pulled it up behind his back," he gagged as he spoke, the memories bearing down.

"He-he screamed so loud and I let go, but when I turned him, I, I felt...unbreakable, strong and I think I smiled," he muttered, gagging again on the tears in his throat.

Bobby glanced up long enough to see Dr. Kerman holding a box of tissues near him. He snagged a couple and wiped at his eyes. "Thanks," he said softly.

Dr. Kerman sat back down and jotted a few quick notes. "Are you alright?" she asked calmly.

Bobby shook his head, the horrible self-loathing rolling through him endlessly.

"And this was the only time that you felt that?" she said.

"Yeah," he replied brokenly. "The rest of the time, I just see it and go through it without noticin' anything. But this time, I felt a sick sense that what I did was ok."

"Would you mind telling me what you remember of your life before Evelyn?" she asked after giving Bobby another moment to compose himself.

Bobby grimaced. "Nothin' good, I'll tell you that right now," he said.

"Indulge me," she said with a hint of a smile. Bobby laughed softly.

"You really are something else. No wonder Ma likes you," Bobby said. She smiled reassuringly at him.

"There's nothing that you could say to me and have me be shocked," she said.

Bobby sat back in the chair, his shoulders drooping a bit. "My dad was a drunk," he began quietly. "Not a happy or silly drunk or even a depressed drunk. He was a mean drunk, the kind that drinks non-stop for days on end, until he sees someone cross his path."

Bobby blew out another breath. "I don't think I ever saw him completely sober. Every night, my mom and dad would go at it, fightin' and screaming; throwing shit and sometimes he'd knock her around. He threw her down the stairs one night," he said, his voice and eyes curiously blank.

Dr. Kerman flipped through her notes to Bobby's medical charts. "It says here that you broke your arm at age 7 and again at age 9. Was that from him? I have no notes on how it happened."

Bobby smirked nastily. "The first was when I tried to stop him from hittin' her one night. He threw me into the wall. The second time, I got into a fight with him myself. He held my arm behind my back until it snapped."

Dr. Kerman jerked her head up. "Did he?" she said softly. Bobby felt his body go cold.

His own words repeating in his head, Bobby stiffened abruptly and gasped.

Bobby clasped one hand to his mouth as the urge to throw up grew stronger. "I...I," he stuttered. "Oh god," he whispered.

Dr. Kerman studied the look on Bobby's face. "Bobby!" she called, her voice raised.

"Listen to me. You didn't break Jack's arm," she said soothingly. Bobby shook his head.

"I almost did," he said, his voice thick with tears again.

"But you stopped, you stopped in time, that's what's important," she said.

Dr. Kerman handed Bobby a bottle of ginger ale from her fridge. He took it with hands that shook slightly. "Sip it slowly," she instructed before returning to her seat.

"Your father's rage and alcoholism has had a factor in your upbringing," Dr. Kerman said, one eye on Bobby as she read through his file again.

"I know some of the things that you have been through, and I know that it's painful to even remember those times, but for your sake and for Jack's, there are some things that you can never forget."

"You must not let your rage take control; you are the one in control of yourself."

"Yeah, but he was gone by the time I was ten. I just woke up one morning and he was gone," Bobby said. He drank from the bottle, hating the way his fingers shook.

"Once he was gone, my mother had a string of 'friends'," Bobby sneered. "I left after one of them tried to set the house on fire."

Dr. Kerman nodded again. "Right. So at age 11 you were on the streets?" she said after scanning one sheet.

Bobby gulped down more of the ginger ale. "Yeah," he said, shrugging slightly.

"That's a bit young to be on the streets," she said evenly. "Where did you go?"

Bobby stared at his half-empty bottle and tried to shrug again. "I wandered, walked around, slept in parks for awhile, and stole food, the usual shit. When it got cold, I broke into cars and slept in them."

Dr. Kerman blinked. "No friends from school that you could have stayed with?" she asked.

Bobby snorted. "I didn't have friends. Fuck, I hardly ever went to school when I was a kid. Why waste my time there? Those other kids, they can tell when someone doesn't belong. I never did, so fuck them," he hissed.

"I see," she said. "How did you end up with Evelyn?" she asked.

Bobby looked at her for the first time since the start of their meeting. "That should be in the record," he said sharply.

Dr. Kerman studied Bobby's face and spoke slowly. "I'd like to hear your side, if you don't mind."

Bobby blinked. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I was arrested after breaking into a corner store and..." he trailed off. He sighed heavily. "I hit the clerk with a brick a few too many times, and he almost died."

"The other kids I was with took off and left me there. I panicked and tried to escape out the back door. A cop caught me. I tripped over the guy's feet and blacked out when I hit the ground. When I woke up in the doctor's office in the jail, I saw her for the first time."

Bobby cleared his throat before taking another sip of his pop. "I couldn't believe it," he said with a dry, bitter laugh.

"Only 13 and in jail already. I was sure that I would get off with just a slap on the wrist. Problem was; the clerk was on life support at the hospital. That's more than just robbery."

"She stood in the office part, while I pretended that I was still out cold. She argued like you wouldn't believe with the cop. She would've made a fuckin' awesome lawyer. She just kept goin' till the cop threw his hands up and walked out. A while later she came into the room and told me to stop pretending that I was out. The system had just handed her one of their worst cases. I was well known to the cops by the time I was 13. I just got caught that time," Bobby said.

Dr. Kerman gestured to the files. "I'll admit that your past is certainly colorful," she said, "but that hardly makes you the worst."

Bobby nodded. "No, but all I've done is rain shit down on Ma since the day she took me in," he said, his voice low and dull.

Dr. Kerman scoffed. "Bobby, please spare me the pity party. Only you can make your life better."

Bobby felt his hand tingle, a warning of his temper snapping. "Look, you don't fuckin' know me, don't act like you give a shit. All you doctors are the same," he yelled, half-rising out of his chair.

"Sit down!" Dr. Kerman snapped. Bobby felt the rage drain away as quickly as it had risen.

"Make no mistake Mr. Mercer; I do want to help you. I will not allow you to throw a temper fit in my office. You are an adult; I suggest you act like one," she said calmly.

Bobby flushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm shit at this."

"I know you have a hard time controlling your anger. That's what I'm here for, to help you and to help Jack. Now, I'd like to discuss anger triggers for you, and how you can work around them," she said, her voice soothing the annoyance that Bobby had felt.

"Right," he said. He drained the last drops of his pop. "I don't know why, it's like I lose all control. I don't want to get mad, I don't like hurtin' people. Well," he said with a hint of a smirk, "unless they deserve it."

Dr. Kerman smiled. "I've no doubt of that," she said.

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, sometimes words just don't cut it."

"So what do you think triggers you?" she asked. Bobby shook his head.

"I'm not sure, its weird y'know…" he muttered, rubbing the back of his head distractedly.

"I'm sure it seems weird, but you'd be surprised by some of the things that can trigger people," Dr. Kerman said, gesturing to the files in front of her.

"Some people are triggered simply by things not going their way, everybody is different," she said, folding her arms loosely. "I'd like to discuss what happens when things don't go your way."

000

Jack closed the door behind him and breathed out slowly. He leaned back, letting his head bang against the door with a muted thud. "I must be crazy," he whispered.

He stepped forward, taking in the obvious repair to the apartment, his stomach lurching at the sight of the new looking frames on the wall, the pictures still intact. He took several small steps, his head tilted to the side, the sounds of colorful swearing trailing down the hall.

Jack made his way to the hallway, only to find Bobby spackling more drywall paste over one of the many holes in the walls, muttering to himself. "Bobby?" he said, his voice cracking slightly.

Bobby turned abruptly, a look of surprise on his face. "Jack? What- what are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes wide.

Jack glanced at the walls, at the covered holes, and the ones waiting to be filled. "I wanted to see you," he said simply.

Bobby dropped the tool and stepped over the bucket near his foot. He clasped Jack's good arm and tugged him closer. Jack stumbled a bit before flashing a quick grin of reassurance.

"You alone?" Bobby asked. He felt a wave of desire roll through him at the thought of having Jack alone with him for the first time in two weeks.

Jack nodded, unable to meet Bobby's eyes. "Yeah," he said as he ran one hand through Bobby's hair, biting the inside of his cheek when he saw the sheer amount of drywall powder that was sprinkled throughout his head.

He leaned in and kissed him, his mouth descending and capturing Bobby's, his lips fiery hot and demanding. Bobby half-moaned as he pulled Jack tighter against him, tasting him desperately; wanting more, sure that he was drowning.

Jack nipped at his lower lip, his eyes heavy with desire. "I've missed you, god how I've missed you," he whispered throatily.

Bobby groaned. "Fuck, Jack," he said, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. "You're all I think about, this," he pointed at the walls, "it's what I do till I can see you again."

Jack pressed Bobby back against the wall, lacing their fingers together. He kissed Bobby's rough knuckles, his eyes closed as the memory of what had happened tried to intrude. He brushed the thought aside impatiently, focusing on all that Bobby had done to change, to make amends.

"I told Ma I had to see you alone," he said, his mouth dangerously close to Bobby's ear.

"Yeah?" Bobby said raggedly as Jack kissed his neck, his tongue swirling over one sensitive spot.

"Mmhm," Jack mumbled. "I had to, she'll understand, she always does."

Bobby nodded, his head jerking slightly. "I missed you Jackie, every damn day," he said.

Jack shook his head. "Show me," he said, his voice rough and thick.

Bobby's eyes darkened. "God, you drive me crazy," he said as he pulled him close, his mouth meeting Jack's, his tongue tracing the outline of his lower lip, drawing a soft moan from him. He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against Jack's.

"Come with me tomorrow, to see Dr. Kerman," Bobby said suddenly, his mouth dry as the words left him.

Jack pulled back, fear in his eyes. "What?" he said.

"Come with me, talk to her. She'll help, I promise," he said urgently, afraid of scaring Jack away.

"I…I don't know," he said quietly, looking down at his feet.

Bobby held one of Jack's hands up to his mouth. "When did you take your sling off?" he asked suddenly, noticing for the first time that evening that his arm wasn't covered.

"Yesterday," Jack said softly. "Doctor said it was ok, so I took it off. Damn thing was irritating me."

After a moment of silence, Jack leaned against Bobby and rested his head against his neck. "Why?" he said finally.

Bobby ran one hand through Jack's hair, inhaling lightly as he did, a sigh escaping past his lips. "I want things to be better Jackie. I want you to see that I mean it this time, that I won't hurt you like that anymore."

Jack blinked. He knew that Bobby was determined, would do anything to prove himself when he put his mind to it. He chewed his lower lip as he thought over the possibilities, of what the doctor might tell him.

"Does she want me to come in?" he asked nervously.

"She'd like it if you came with me to a session, but y'know if you say no, it doesn't change anything. I'm still going," he said, his voice smooth and steadier now that he had Jack in his arms.

"I'm learning so much, Jackie. She's a lot like Ma, I swear it," he said. "Just consider it, ok?"

Jack kissed the side of Bobby's neck again. "Alright," he murmured. "I'll go."

000

This is a mistake,' Jack grumbled silently. He fidgeted in his seat restlessly, his arm pinging with pain as he flexed his fingers. The doctor had given him permission to take his sling off, on the grounds that he not strain his arm. Now, he watched the minute hand crawl by on the clock, glancing at Bobby out of the corner of his eye.

Bobby breathed slowly and evenly, in a way that Jack was envious of. He still felt jumpy around him, especially without Evelyn's presence. Jack bit his lip apprehensively as the door opened to the room. Bobby sent Jack a weak smile and nodded to the receptionist.

"It's time to go in," he said, holding one hand out.

Jack took his hand before he stopped to think. It felt right to have the tips of his fingers tingling as he walked. He tightened his grip as they walked through the door.

"I...I'm not sure that I can do this right now," he muttered softly as they neared the chairs by the desk. Bobby stopped walking and held Jack's chin gently.

"You don't have to Jackie. You wanna wait for another time?" he asked quietly.

Jack looked over at the doctor who smiled calmly at him. "No, let's do this," he said.

Dr. Kerman stood up slowly while she waited for Jack to sit. "Hello Jack. I'm Dr. Kerman. I'd like to thank you for coming to this meeting."

Jack nodded curtly. "Yeah, sure," he said, fighting hard to keep his leg from jiggling.

She sat down, making each movement exaggerated. "I've been meeting with Bobby for the past two and a half weeks. We've discussed several of his anger triggers and how he can work around those."

Jack listened to her speak about the previous meetings, his fingers nervously picking at his jeans. Dr. Kerman gestured to her desk. "I have several of your files, but I would rather speak to you directly about a few things."

He blinked. "Um, yeah that's fine," he said.

She nodded briskly. "So Jack, what was your first impression of Evelyn?" she asked.

Jack smiled briefly. "Her hair seemed to glow," he said sheepishly. "I know, that sounds stupid right?"

Dr. Kerman shook her head. "There's nothing stupid about how you feel."

Jack sighed. "She just seemed to glow, I guess. Like an angel." He rubbed at his other hand, his nerves jumping. "I don't really remember my real parents. I was put into foster care by the time I was two," he recalled, his voice quiet and sad.

"All I remember of my real mom was that she had the brightest blue eyes. And my dad is just a hazy blur, a dark outline looming over me. I wish I had something to remember them by," he whispered.

Bobby reached over and gripped Jack's free hand, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. Jack closed his eyes, his breath hitching as he swallowed over the hard lump in his throat.

"The years before Evelyn were…bad," he said, his voice straining. "I don't like to talk about it, if…if you don't mind."

Dr. Kerman scribbled down a quick note on one folder. "That's perfectly fine Jack, I'm aware of most of your history. I like to get a sense of how a person feels rather than just reciting the cold facts from a sheet."

"I, uh, that's interesting," he said.

Dr. Kerman tilted her head slightly. "What was your first night in the house like?" she asked, changing the topic when Jack's unease became more apparent.

Jack folded his arms loosely, cradling his sore arm as he thought back. "Noisy," he said finally.

Bobby grinned beside him. Dr. Kerman watched him smile at Jack, the look of love undeniable. "With that many boys in the house, I'd imagine it would be," she said, her voice soft.

"Yeah, it was a bit scary y'know? My last foster home before Ma's, it was so quiet. We weren't allowed to be seen or heard. Real old fashioned types," Jack said, his eyes suddenly sad.

"No talking, no touching, no laughing," he recited mockingly, his words bitter.

Bobby pulled him closer and whispered something in his ear. Jack tensed up for a second before nodding once at him and sighing. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"That's alright Jack. I know how hard this can be. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, please just let me know, and we'll work around it," Dr. Kerman said, her voice soothing and calm.

"Tell me what Angel and Jeremiah were like at first," she said, switching the question.

Jack laughed quietly. "Again, noisy. Always wrestling and arguing. They ate like horses, acted like guys I guess," he said, half-shrugging. "They never hurt me or anything, just y'know, fuckin' around. Took me awhile to get used to it."

"Ok and what about Bobby? What was he like?" she asked.

Jack snuck a glance at Bobby, biting his lip again.

"Say what you want Sweetheart," Bobby said, a small wave of guilt lashing at him.

Jack nodded before staring at the floor. "Bobby was, well is actually," he said, stumbling a bit. "He's strong, so strong. And he doesn't take shit," he said lowly, his words trailing off.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part," Dr. Kerman said, leaning forward a bit.

"He's beautiful," he whispered softly before blushing, the pinkness spreading quickly across his cheeks. Dr. Kerman sat back in her chair, a small smile on her face. Jack had unknowingly uttered the exact words that Bobby had used to describe him.

Bobby made an irritated noise. "Fuckin' fairy," he grumbled under his breath.

Dr. Kerman hid her laugh with a discreet cough. "Now Bobby, please don't disregard Jack's feelings towards you. It's important to him as well to you."

Jack grimaced. "Sorry. I didn't, I just," he said, his voice low and unsure. "Fuck," he muttered crossly.

Bobby pulled Jack closer to him again and ran one finger down the side of his face. "Hey, it's ok," he said quietly. "I just don't agree; that's all. You're beautiful, not me."

Jack shook his head mutely. "I..." he sighed. "I don't know, I just see you and it's right somehow."

Bobby hugged Jack to him abruptly. "Love you," he whispered fiercely, his grip firm.

Jack closed his eyes. It all seemed to have been such a horrid dream, it couldn't have really happened. He whispered back to Bobby, seemingly unaware of the doctor nearby.

They parted reluctantly, unwilling to completely let go of each other's hand. Dr. Kerman tapped her pen in a steady beat until they both turned to watch her.

"Well, I think we've established that you both love each other dearly. As I said, I've already spoken to Bobby and put into practice several of exercises that he can use for when his anger gets too much," she said.

Bobby sighed quietly. "They do help. I, uh, never really bothered with 'em before, but since the first meeting, I do the breathing ones now and it helps," he said, doing his best to look her in the eye.

Dr. Kerman blinked. "That's wonderful Bobby. I'm glad to hear that you've started doing the exercises. It's incredibly important that you recognize the warning signs that your body gives you and to learn how to stave off an angry outburst. That's not to say that you aren't allowed to experience anger or even express it, you just need to find a way to release your anger without hurting anyone else including yourself," she said, her eyebrows raised slightly.

Bobby rubbed his thumb over Jack's hand again. "I think I'm too scared not to do them, in case I get too mad," he said.

"In many cases with anger management we recommend using three methods of approach. To control your anger, firstly, you have to express it safely. A person who struggles with anger needs to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to meet them, without hurting others," Dr. Kerman stated.

Dr. Kerman studied the look on Jack's face, noting his confusion. "Is there something that you'd like to ask Jack?"

Jack looked at Bobby for a second, before staring at the floor. "Does it have to sound so text-book like?" he asked.

Dr. Kerman thoughtfully tapped her finger on the desk. "Bear with me Jack. Bobby is quite used to me telling him like a professor how to deal with his anger."

Bobby nudged Jack with his elbow. "Relax Jackie. I can handle it."

"As I was saying, anger can be suppressed, but only in a healthy manner. The ideal way to suppress your anger is to take inside why you are upset and to turn it into something positive. However, you must be sure to do that. Holding in your anger can cause many problems later on, not to mention health concerns as well," she continued, her voice lifting, and falling, rising with her words.

"Lastly, a person who finds themselves exploding over seemingly small things needs a moment to calm down, to remove themselves from the situation and breathe. I cannot emphasize that enough. Breathing deeply often helps to center a person and give them a moment to slow down," she said.

Bobby nodded once. Jack frowned. "So, now what?" he asked.

"Now, Bobby will be using these exercises daily, regardless of whether or not he's angry. Is there anything you'd like to discuss Jack?" she said firmly.

Jack stared at the floor, shaking his head. "No, its fine," he muttered.

Bobby exchanged glances with Dr. Kerman. "Jack? You ok?" he asked.

Jack breathed out slowly. "I'm just worried that maybe this won't help. It's not guaranteed is it?"

Bobby felt the sting in his eyes before he wanted to admit it. "I will not back down, Jack. I'll apologize every day if that's what you want. I'm doin' my best. I failed you the first time I hit you, and I'll never fully forgive myself for hurting you," he said, his voice low and sad, every word a guttural growl.

Jack looked off to the side. "I just want you to be happy, to not be angry all the time."

"I'm workin' on it Jackie, I swear," Bobby said. He got out of his chair and knelt in front of Jack. He held both his hands and waited for Jack to meet his eyes.

"What happened that night was not your fault. If I had told you where I was goin' that day, you wouldn't have gotten so pissed when I came back. I went for your birthday gift, that's all. I wanted to surprise you," he said.

Jack swallowed over the lump in his throat. "Oh god," he whispered. "I thought you forgot; that's why I was so mad."

Bobby closed his eyes. "Never, I wouldn't forget. I'm so sorry Sweetheart, I'm sorry that I fucked this up so badly for us. And for destroying the apartment, and your…your guitar," he said, his voice thick.

Jack felt a small weight lift off his chest at Bobby's admission. "I know," he said.

Bobby kissed Jack's hands, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. "Let me love you the way I should have from the start, please," he said.

Jack leaned down and captured Bobby's lips in a kiss, their lips meeting and sending sweet tingles through their bodies. "Promise me that it will be better," Jack murmured.

"I promise," Bobby said, his eyes closed. 'God don't let this be a dream,' he prayed feverishly.

Dr. Kerman politely cleared her throat. They broke apart with guilty looks on their faces. She smiled and Jack broke the moment by laughing slightly.

"Uh, sorry about that," he said. "Kinda forgot you were there."

"I enjoy a show every now and then," she said with a slight smirk.

Jack blushed while Bobby shook his head. "You are so much like Ma, it's scary," he swore.

000

Credit must be given to an excellent website that has many tips on dealing with anger problems.

From The American Psychological Association.- 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Pain & Love part 8, Complete

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.

0000000

It wasn't easy, Bobby considered, leading Jack from the doctor's office. Each visit brought back painful memories of his childhood, of the things he'd done over the years and worst of all, the things he'd done to Jack.

He felt as though he was viewing himself from the outside; watching himself take Jack to the car, drive him back to Evelyn's. Jack grinned at him and headed straight for the fridge, his stomach growling loudly. Bobby sat down with Evelyn in the living room, watching her knit slowly.

"Well, how was your visit?" she asked, looping her needles.

Bobby sighed. "It went ok, I guess," he said. "I...I've been doing the exercises every day like Dr. Kerman told me to. And I think they really are working."

She nodded. "Good Bobby, I'm very glad to hear that," she said, soothingly.

Bobby scratched the back of his neck nervously. "D'you think I might be able to have him back home with me?" he asked very quietly.

Evelyn placed her knitting on her lap. "It's not my decision Bobby, it's Jack's. And I'll support what he chooses because he's an adult now."

Bobby looked down at his hands, sighing softly. Evelyn touched Bobby's arm. "I want to believe that you have a better sense of why you must control your temper," she said quietly.

"I don't wanna hurt him like that again," he whispered, his voice rough. He looked up at her, his eyes wet. "I never meant to, never thought that I could hurt him. Shit, Ma, I spent years protectin' him from guys like me."

Evelyn patted his arm reassuringly. "But you're doing the right thing now," she reminded him. "It's never going to be perfect son, but you're making the effort. It's alright to be mad Bobby; it's the way you express it that matters most."

Bobby shrugged. "Lookin' back, I…I did control him," he said painfully. "It was like I was someone else, someone I never wanted to be." He rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Before I knew what was happenin' I hit him the day after we moved in together. A part of me was screamin' inside my head, and the other part felt good," he said in a horrified whisper.

Evelyn sighed, moving her thumb slowly over his skin. "When you told me how you felt about Jack, my biggest worry was that you'd let your anger control you and Jack. I never wanted any harm to come to either of you," she said sadly.

Jack came into the room, biting his lip. "Here," he said, handing Bobby a can of pop before sitting down beside him. Bobby took the can with a whispered 'thanks'.

Jack glanced over at Evelyn. "Everything ok, Mom?" he asked hesitantly.

She nodded. "We're just fine dear," she said reassuringly. "I haven't had much of a chance to speak to Bobby over the past few days, that's all."

Jack fiddled with the ring on his hand. "Most of the time, everything's fine y'know," he said a moment later. "It was just sometimes, that…well..." he trailed off, sneaking a look at Bobby's face.

Bobby looked away, his eyes stinging. "You can say it," he murmured to Jack.

"Jack, Bobby wants to know if you'd like to go home with him," Evelyn said, breaking the silence in the room. Jack stared at her, several emotions flashing over his eyes.

Bobby touched Jack's fingers slowly, so as not to startle him. "You don't hafta choose right now," he said. "Just want you to consider it, is all."

Jack tilted his head slowly, biting his lower lip harder. "I…I think I do want to," he said finally.

Bobby sucked in a nervous breath. "Saturday then?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack said, grinning somewhat. He stood up, yawning softly. He dropped a kiss on Bobby's forehead, walking past him with a murmured goodnight to Evelyn. Bobby waited until Jack left the room. He smiled shakily at Evelyn, his hands trembling.

She moved closer to him, hugging him close. "It's alright sweetheart, it's going to be alright."

0000000

Dr. Kerman sat back in her chair, watching Bobby pace in her office. He looked at her, his eyes wild. She pointed to the chair, nodding. He sat down heavily, running one hand through his hair.

"Clearly something is upsetting you," she said softly. Bobby laughed dryly.

"Yeah, you could say that," he replied, his knee bouncing. Dr. Kerman tapped her pen slowly. "Would you mind telling me?" she asked.

Bobby slumped. "I didn't hurt him or anything," he blurted out defensively.

Dr. Kerman blinked. "Ok, that's a good start," she said. "You're upset about something, but you didn't hurt Jack. That's very good to hear Bobby."

Bobby felt a trickle of pride at her words. He sat up a bit. "I told him that I needed to see you. I can't…fuck!" he said, his voice rising again. "Ever since I started these damn sessions, my memories keep popping up, an' fuckin' with my head."

Dr. Kerman nodded, jotting down something in her folder. "Would you feel better if you discussed them?" she asked.

"I don't know," he whispered miserably. "I just wanna be able to sleep at night."

"Your dreams are of your memories?" she said. He shrugged. "Seems like it," he said.

Dr. Kerman consulted her notes. "Tell me about one then, please," she said. "You might feel better if you are able to talk about it."

Bobby swallowed dryly, nodding. "Yeah," he said roughly. "One that keeps comin' back was when I was ten…"

_"Look here Charlene, your worthless kid might not be such a waste after all!" slurred Randy, one of the many drunken bastards that his mother had taken up with._

_"Yeah? What'd he do? Knock over a fuckin' liquor store?" she said, lighting a cigarette, her garish pink lipstick staining the tip. Bobby bit the inside of his cheek hard, determined not to flinch as she ruffled his dirty hair._

_"Ah, give 'em time for that," he laughed uproariously, his laugh fading into a hacking cough. "He got into a fight, and y'shoulda seen 'em kick the shit outta that kid," Randy crowed. "Jus' like I showed 'em!"_

_Bobby looked down at his grimy hands, at the blood that was caked on his knuckles. He felt his stomach tilt, the scratches and scrapes crisscrossing over his skin. Charlene stared blearily at Bobby, smiling slightly._

_"Gotta stick up for yourself Bobby," she said, her voice bitter. "No one else's gonna give a shit 'bout you, so you fight for what ya need, what ya want, got it? I didn't raise you to be no pussy!"_

_Bobby closed his eyes briefly, ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach. He searched through her words, feeling a small flicker of warmth that she seemed proud. "Yeah Ma," he said softly._

_Randy slapped him upside the head. "Go getcha ya self a beer boy, you deserve it after that!" he said roughly. Bobby smiled then. "A beer?" he said, feeling pleased, adult like._

_Randy nodded, drinking deeply from his own bottle. Bobby hurried to the near empty fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. He opened it the way he'd seen Randy do so many times, paying no attention to the burst of pain in his palm. He chugged it, grimacing at the taste, but swallowing resolutely, feeling a sense of accomplishment at only ten years of age._

Bobby shook his head slowly, frowning. Dr. Kerman handed him a bottle of ginger ale. "This will help," she said. Bobby opened it, drinking it. He finished half of it, staring at her.

"What is it with you and ginger ale?" he asked, holding back a burp.

Dr. Kerman smiled faintly. "It helps in many ways," she said briskly. "Now, you mentioned that the only time your mother showed interest in you is when you acted out, right?"

Bobby nodded; studying the bottle closely, unable to look up at her. "She didn't give a shit about me, where I was, if I was hungry, y'know, all that shit."

Dr. Kerman watched Bobby's face. "But if she knew that you'd hurt someone, she would be happy?" she pushed gently.

He sighed. "Yeah, pretty much," he said. "I still hate that bitch," he murmured.

Dr. Kerman looked over at Bobby. "I can imagine that it would be hard not to feel that way."

He drained the rest of the bottle, shrugging again. "Don't got any good memories before Evelyn, she's the only woman I can call Ma, without cringin'."

"And the control factor?" she pressed. "You felt in control when you were doing something that you knew would gain your mother's approval."

Bobby nodded slowly. "I couldn't make her love me, or pay attention to me unless I showed her that I could hurt someone else. I still don't understand what the fuck she was thinking. Was she tryin' to make me into a psycho?"

Dr. Kerman pressed her lips together in a thin line. "It's very possible that your mother was abused herself and never learned any proper way to deal with anger and dissatisfaction in her life. And she passed that on to you. The main thing to focus on is that you have the power to change and the desire to be better."

Bobby swallowed over the lump in his throat. "I just wanna make sure I never hurt him again," he whispered.

0000000

Angel lifted the awkwardly wrapped box and shifted the weight as he carried it up the apartment stairs. "Never a damn elevator when you need one," he grumbled.

Bobby snorted lightly. "Ain't that the fuckin' truth," he said, lifting his end of the box.

"What's in this, bricks?" Angel asked, sighing in relief at the sight of the door ahead.

"Well yeah, didn't Jackie tell you? He's gonna be a bricklayer next week," Bobby snarked, digging his keys out of his pocket.

"Shut up, you know what I meant asshole," Angel muttered, glaring at Bobby.

"A little welcome home gift alright?" Bobby said as he opened the door. He lifted his end of the box again and carefully backed up into the room. Angel maneuvered his way through the door and pushed the door closed behind him.

"Is this cause of what happened before?" Angel asked, placing the box on the ground.

"Sort of," Bobby murmured, looking away from Angel's eyes. "Thanks for your help man. Not sure I woulda gotten it upstairs without you."

"S'fine," Angel said, flexing his arms. "When's Jack comin' back?"

"Ma's bringing him in a couple hours. They went to pick up some stuff for him. We'll be havin' all you guys over tonight for dinner, make up for missin' Jack's dinner on his birthday," Bobby said, pushing away the nudge of guilt he felt every time he remembered what he'd done.

Angel looked at Bobby, seeing the flush of color on his cheeks, the sad memory in his eyes. "You gotta stop blamin' yourself for everything," he murmured.

Bobby whirled around, his eyes flashing. "It wasn't Jack's fault!" he shouted. He took two steps away from Angel, automatically slowing his breathing the way Dr. Kerman had taught him to.

"He's not the one who fucked everything up," Bobby said through gritted teeth. "I did."

"Jack's not perfect, "Angel said softly. Bobby laughed softly, shaking his head.

"Nah, he's not, but he never beat the shit outta me, did he?" Bobby said, guilt washing over him again. "When I came home that night, he was pissed off about somethin' but I just fuckin' exploded, didn't I? I didn't even stop or try to figure out what was wrong."

"It's never gonna be perfect Bobby, you know that," Angel said, crossing his arms loosely. Bobby sighed. "He deserves better than me," he said. "But the idea of watchin' him walk away from me hurts more. So I'll do what I gotta to make sure I never hurt him like that again."

Angel nodded, his face serious. "That boy, he loves you like nothin' else. I don't ever wanna see him hurt like that Bobby. You hearin' me?"

Bobby rubbed the side of his head. "I won't let it happen again," he said softly. "I can't."

0000000

Evelyn sang along lowly with the music, tapping her fingers to the beat. Jack grinned, shaking his head. "Have you always been a hippie Mom?" he asked, laughing.

She nodded. "Did I ever tell you I went to Woodstock?" she asked.

"No," Jack said, his eyes wide. "That's incredible. What was it like?"

"Loud, smoky, and exhilarating," she declared. "Best choice I ever made."

Jack fiddled with his lighter as the music slowed down, switching to a softer song. "Mom?" he murmured shyly. She glanced at him, nodding.

"I…I know this is the right decision," he said. She smiled faintly. "We all have to make choices in life," she said quietly. "Sometimes we make bad ones, and sometimes we find our way to the good ones. It's never an easy thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise," she added.

Jack felt heat burn in his cheeks. He nodded. "I know Mom," he said.

"I've never regretted any choice I made," Evelyn said softly. "Not even the ones that hurt." Jack stared at her in surprise. "Even…" he trailed off.

"Yes, even when I was lying in a hospital bed," she said, her voice firm. "I learned a lot about myself that day. The will to go on has been greatly underestimated by some people, and on that day I discovered that I wasn't going to roll over and accept what was happening to me."

Jack nodded, tears pricking his eyes, stinging mercilessly. "I've made many choices," she said. "Too many people told me that taking in Bobby was a terrible choice. That he was too wild and unmanageable, and that in itself was a part of his problems, that even he thought he was an animal that needed to be tamed," she said, anger edging into her voice.

"Even with Angel and Jeremiah, I was told repeatedly what a mistake my choice was. And you," she said, glancing at him. "No one gave you boys a choice as to how your life would turn out; no one gave you a chance to show how different you could be."

Jack rubbed his necklace with the tips of his fingers, swallowing painfully over the lump in his throat. "I don't regret choosing to live with Bobby," he murmured. "What…what happened, I regret lettin' it go on so long. But I'm not turnin' my back on him."

Evelyn smiled slightly. "I didn't think you would. Bobby loves you Jack. And now, I really do think things will be better. He's doing very well, and I think it's time someone gave him a chance to show that he can change."

"I never thought he couldn't," Jack whispered. She patted his hand gently. "I know."

0000000

Jack stood in the doorway of the apartment, looking around. For the most part, the apartment seemed the same. He sighed softly, knowing his memories would continue to fill in for him. Jerry paced idly near the door, waiting for Angel and Bobby to get back.

"You sure this is what you want Jackie?" he asked, his hands deep in his pockets.

Jack nodded. He walked over to the balcony and lit a cigarette. He took a long drag before looking at Jerry. "Yeah, this is where I belong, Jerry. He loves me, he won't hurt me again."

"If he does…" Jerry trailed off quietly. "Don't stay again Jack, just promise me that ok?"

Jack blew out a small smoke ring, nodding. "I promise Jerry," he said. He hugged him then. "Thanks for everything," he whispered. Jerry hugged him tight, rubbing his back.

"You're my baby brother, I gotta look out for you y'know?" he said.

Jack smiled then, inhaling again. "You helped more than you know," he said. "Bobby told me it was you that brought him home."

Jerry leaned against the railing. "Yeah, I had a feelin' that he'd be needing some help getting home, and then I finally got his drunk ass home and saw how trashed the place was…" he sighed.

"I really wish you guys hadn't seen all this shit," Jack mused, staring down at his cigarette. "Bobby…he's a good person deep down. He'll kick the shit outta someone if he thinks they're fuckin' with him, but you should see him at night when I have a nightmare. He'll hold me and hum little songs that make me feel good, all the sappy stuff you can think of."

"I'm not sayin' he doesn't have a good side, Jackie. I'm sayin' he's got a wicked bad temper and a helluva short fuse. I don't wanna find out he's been taking it out on you again," Jerry said, looking right at Jack.

"He didn't have it easy growin' up Jerry," Jack said, flicking his cigarette expertly.

"None of us did Jackie, that don't make it ok for him to hurt you," Jerry said.

Jack looked at Jerry's face closely, seeing the distress in his eyes, and the worried set of his mouth. "He knows that now," Jack said softly. "Love's real powerful sometimes Jerry. Love's stronger than anger, that's what I like to think."

Jerry smiled a bit, shaking his head. "You sound an awful lot like Mom right now," he said, chuckling. Jack stubbed out the remains of his cigarette. "You should meet Bobby's therapist. She and Ma are like sisters. They got a lot of shit in common," he said, grinning.

"Mom has a way making you remember her phrases," Jerry said, shaking his head.

"You know she went to Woodstock?" Jack asked. Jerry grinned. "Did she?" he said, laughing softly. "Yeah, I can see that. Mom woulda made a great hippie."

Jack looked at the setting sun. "She's something else, a real force to be reckoned with."

"Well years of experience will do that," Evelyn said as she stepped out onto the balcony. "I was wondering where you two went off to."

"Just needed a smoke," Jack said, grinning sheepishly. Jerry nodded. "Bobby and Angel here yet?" he asked.

"They'll be here soon. They got delayed at the grocery store," she said.

Jack felt a flicker of nervous energy in him. He wanted everyone to leave, desperately wanted to be alone with Bobby. He looked off the balcony and spotted Bobby's car pulling into the parking lot. "They're here!" he said, dashing inside the apartment.

Jerry laughed quietly. "Think he's eager for us to go?" he asked Evelyn, one eyebrow raised. She nodded. "They do need to be alone together. It's been a long few weeks for them."

"You really think they'll be ok?" he asked her. She rubbed her elbows slowly, nodding.

"I think a lot has changed and that this time will be better," she said softly.

0000000

Once Evelyn, Jerry and Angel had left for the night, Jack fidgeted with his necklace, looking over at Bobby, who was standing by the door. "So…" he said, clearing his throat lowly.

Bobby came towards him slowly. He sat down beside Jack and touched his hand. "I've been waitin' for them to leave for hours," he said. Jack grinned. "Yeah, me too."

"There's somethin' I wanted to give you… for awhile now," Bobby murmured, leaning closer to Jack. "On your birthday, I didn't get to give you your gift," he said, color high on his cheeks for a brief moment. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin, flat box.

Jack took it with shaking fingers. "For me?" he asked. Bobby nodded. Jack opened it slowly, his eyes wide. "You don't hafta to wear it if you don't want," Bobby said hurriedly, nervous then.

Jack held the silver chain up, taking it carefully out of the box. He studied the engraved initials on one link and smiled, sighing happily. The simple chain necklace was perfect.

"Thanks," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss Bobby.

Bobby melted against him, the tension draining from him quickly at the feel of Jack's lips on his. "Jack," he murmured, pulling him in tight against his chest.

He fumbled with the chain and undid the clasp, looping it around Jack's neck. He closed the clasp, letting it rest against his warm skin. Jack rested against him, his fingers touching the cool metal with wonder. "It's perfect," he murmured.

"I got…" Bobby swallowed hard, his throat clenching. "I got somethin' else for you too."

Jack blinked. "Really?" he said, rubbing his fingers along Bobby's rough hands. He felt an intense need to touch him, memorize every inch of him again. He pressed a kiss to Bobby's calloused palm, feeling Bobby shiver behind him.

"Yeah," he whispered huskily. "I…I never fully apologized for what I did to your guitar."

Jack flinched, his eyes sad. "It's ok," he said in a small voice. "I…I understand."

"No," Bobby said in an anguished whisper. "It's not ok sweetheart. I'm sorry Jackie, more sorry than you'll ever know. I still can't forgive myself for breaking it."

Jack clasped Bobby's hand closer to his chest, leaning back against him. "I understand, really I do," he said sadly. Bobby swallowed again, his throat aching with suppressed tears.

He shifted them for a moment. "Stay here," he said, leaving the room. Jack nodded, waiting on the couch, his hand playing with his new necklace.

Bobby returned a moment later, carrying a long box slowly into the living room. He set it down carefully. Jack sat up straight, his heart beat echoing in his ears. "Bobby?"

"Open it," Bobby urged him. Jack smiled slightly as he lifted the top of the box, moving the ribbon out of the way. He looked down, pressing one hand to his mouth. "You…"

Bobby nodded. "I know it's not the same as your old one, but it looks a bit like it, and the guy at the store said it was a good model," he said. "The case is s'posed to be real good too, and it's damn heavy," he added, struggling not to ramble.

Jack sucked in a shaky breath. "B-bobby," he said, jumping up and grabbing him in a fierce hug. "I…thank you!" he mumbled into Bobby's neck.

He held him tightly, his body trembling faintly. The guitar looked remarkably a lot like his old one, and in truth, Jack had never owned a new guitar. Every one that he'd ever had, had been a second hand that he'd picked up.

"You like it?" Bobby asked lowly. Jack nodded, blinking back tears. "It's incredible," he whispered. He moved his head and kissed Bobby slowly, his lips sliding smoothly over Bobby's, nudging his mouth open. Bobby moaned softly, parting his lips further, his skin tingling all over. Jack cupped his face with his fingers, the kiss lingering on.

They broke apart slowly, resting their foreheads together. "I've missed you…so much," Jack whispered. Bobby stroked Jack's hair slowly, his fingers rubbing soothingly over his scalp. Jack sighed, leaning into his touch.

"Missed you too," Bobby said. Jack looked at him, his eyes searching. "I told Mom and Jerry that I made the right choice," he said. "I know this is the right choice."

Bobby felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. "I…I hurt you Jack, too many times, and I'll spend every day makin' it up to you," he said. "I think you deserve better than me to be honest."

Jack looked at him, shaking his head. "I only want you though," he said softly. "That's all I ever wanted, was to be with you." Bobby ran his rough fingers over Jack's cheek, lost in his eyes.

They stood together for some time, comforted by each other's arms. Bobby led Jack to the bedroom eventually, whispering to him. Jack curled up in the bed, resting against Bobby. "Will you still be going to see Dr. Kerman?" he asked after several moments of silence.

Bobby nodded, his lips ghosting over the curve of Jack's neck. "Yeah," he whispered. "The visits are once or twice a week now, unless it's an emergency."

Jack shivered, his skin tingling under Bobby's lips. "Can I still come with you to some of the visits?" he said, arching his neck. "Sure," Bobby murmured before he kissed Jack's neck hard, leaving a faint red mark. "Dr. Kerman was asking me to bring you sometimes."

Jack shifted on the bed, facing Bobby. "I love you," he said softly. Bobby moved his thumb over Jack's cheek. "Love you too Jackie," he said.

"Always?" Jack murmured with a small grin. Bobby nodded, a feeling of peace filling him, chasing his hurtful memories away for that moment, his love and need for Jack stronger than the pain that lingered.

"Always," he whispered.

000000

I'm extremely grateful to everyone who ever reviewed this story, to anyone who encouraged me to keep going. This story was very personal for me and forced me to face some of the things that has happened to me in my past.

Thank you all.


End file.
